


Trouble

by mugglecastiel



Series: Trouble [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Character Death, Cutesy, Dean's POV, Heartbreak, M/M, Mentions of Masturbation, Paranormal, Supernatural - Freeform, Swearing, They're all dorks, and idk if heartbreak applies??? its like past heartbreak so far, but can't stop being dorks because the word 'dork' is their biggest trait, but it's a little violent toward the end, dean and cas are both very gay teachers, i think i'm adding too many tags but who cares, like in their personality, like the last two chapters, lol nice use the title of the show as the tag, not enough for the archive warning, okay i'm done, pick up line jokes, possible violence??????, that's all i will say they're all just huge dorks, the gayest teachers to ever be gay, there are also bad come backs so that's a plus, they will never lose that label, they're lovey-dovey dorks, this got a little violent, very very gay teachers, who need to stop being dorks but can't stop being dorks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-06
Updated: 2014-12-16
Packaged: 2018-02-28 10:12:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 47,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2728520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mugglecastiel/pseuds/mugglecastiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It'll get better.<br/>Give it time.<br/>Wounds like that heal.<br/>Don't worry about it.<br/>There are other fish in the sea.<br/>Over the past few days, Dean Winchester had heard every single one of the cliché phrases, and he was fucking sick of it. His heart was broken. He'd get over it. He knew that. He'd gotten over heartbreak before.<br/>But with all of these fucking people reminding him of it, it was getting difficult. Especially when his friends saw him at the open house and kept saying it.<br/>At least, that was until he saw the new dark haired teacher at the school's open house only days before the first day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: T-R-O-U-B-L-E

It'll get better.   
Give it time.   
Wounds like that heal.   
Don't worry about it.   
There are other fish in the sea.   
Over the past few days, Dean Winchester had heard every single one of the cliché phrases, and he was fucking sick of it. His heart was broken. He'd get over it. He knew that. He'd gotten over heartbreak before.   
But with all of these fucking people reminding him of it, it was getting difficult. Especially when his friends saw him at the open house and kept saying it.   
At least, that was until he saw the new dark haired teacher at the school's open house only days before the first day. Then it was suddenly bearable.   
He stood outside of his classroom, sizing up the teacher across the hall from him.   
Art teacher, huh? Good with his hands... Dean snorted at himself and smiled at the woman in front of him. She'd been rambling for about a minute about how nice her daughter was and how many teachers had said her daughter was a joy to have in class. "Oh, I'm sure she is," Dean grinned. "If she doesn't love Language Arts already, I'll get her to this year, too. It's my specialty. I make it fun." He winked jokingly at the little girl, who grinned back. "Go ahead and go into the room. Choose a desk. It makes seating easier. Sign up on the line that corresponds with your class period." Dean nodded at them as they entered the class.   
With the few seconds of freedom Dean had in his grasp, he strained his ears to try and hear the new guy's name.   
All he caught of it was '-ton.' A frown settled on his lips and he stared at the man, trying to figure out if he was going to spell trouble for Dean this year.   
Without meaning to, Dean stared for longer than he should have and harder than he should have, because the guy noticed. The mop of dark hair lifted after checking the clipboard in lithe hands, and blue eyes met green with an emotionless expression.   
Dean was shocked. He swallowed whatever the hell had just erupted and solidified in his throat and smiled nervously. Fuck, this guy was pretty. Prettier than Dean, and that was saying something.   
It was intensified when "-ton" smiled back. The smile was a tiny one, barely there, but it was a movement Dean could recognize even from across the red and white and tan hallway.   
The art teacher then looked away almost shyly, and Dean cursed in his mind. This was definitely going to spell T-R-O-U-B-L-E for him.


	2. 1: The Beginning

Dean sighed and leaned against the wall at the front of the room, surveying the empty desk set up in front of him. He'd have to deal with it, it was the only way he could arrange them that was even slightly appealing to his eye.  
Tomorrow was the first day of school, the first day of yelling and work and planning and teaching. He wiped his hand across his eyes and then across his mouth, looking down at the plans for the first month on his desk before deciding he really needed another cup of coffee.  
Coffee was to Dean like whiskey was to an alcoholic. It got him through the day better than anything else. He'd tried fighting his way through with caffeinated soda, but it didn't cut it. The fizzy drink wasn't strong enough.  
When he left the classroom, he stepped in a puddle of paint. "Son of a bitch!" he cursed at himself, then looked up to find Whatever-His-Name-Is standing across the hallway with his hand out like he was about to tell Dean to stop.  
"I'm sorry," the guy stepped forward carefully. "I should have warned you before, I just didn't really know if you were in your room. When I was bringing in extra paint, some spilled, and I didn't get to clean it up yet."  
Dean closed his eyes and breathed for a second before smiling slightly. "It's fine. Just- uh- surprising." He opened his eyes again to find the teacher standing closer, arm out.  
"Lean on me, I'll clean off your shoe."  
Dean laughed slightly but set his hand on the outstretched arm, foot still lifted. A warm hand covered his and helped him hop over the blood red puddle. "You know," Dean grinned, leaning down to untie his shoe and ease it off of his foot, "people might think I murdered someone with that puddle there."  
"Would they be wrong to think so?" The art teacher took the shoe with a smile. Dean followed him into the classroom, leaning against one of the tables while he took it to the sink to wash off the paint. "I'm not asking if you're a murderer, but if you're one of the strict ones."  
"The strict ones?" Dean hopped up to sit on the table with a soft squeak. He smiled at the sound. Just like his own room. "You mean teachers?" The mop of dark hair bobbed up and down to symbolize a yes. "Nah. I'm laidback. I'm more like a college student than a teacher despite having graduated five years ago... Are you a strict one?"  
"No," was the simple response. A few seconds later the water turned off and the dark-haired teacher wiped off the black bottom of the shoe with a towel. "Good as new. Sorry about that."  
"It's not a problem," Dean shook his head as he accepted the shoe. "An inconvenience, maybe, but not a problem."  
Dean propped his foot up on the desk to retie the shoe, feeling those blue eyes on him. He slid off of the table after that, registering how close together they were standing. Smiling, he took in every shade of blue in the art teacher's eyes. Sky, ocean, the moon... Every shade in between. After a second he cleared his throat and looked away. "You know what is a problem?"  
"Hm?" Dean looked back when the teacher made that tiny noise, only to find those blue eyes still on him.  
"I never caught your name."  
"Oh," he smiled, and Dean melted internally. Son of a bitch, this guy was good. "It's Castiel Milton."  
Ah, Dean thought. That's where the -ton came from. Milton. "I'm Dean Winchester. Welcome to the Lawrence Middle School team, Cas." He smiled, reaching a hand out to shake Castiel's, a custom that Castiel was taken aback by. He obliged anyway.  
Dean pulled his hand away after a few seconds of lingering and started to walk to the door. Once he reached it, he turned around. "You want some coffee? I was just about to go make some..."  
"If it's not too much trouble," Castiel smiled from the same spot he'd been in before.  
"How do you take it?"  
"Lots of sugar."  
Dean laughed. "Sweet. Gotcha."  
***  
They hit it off right away, becoming more and more friendly with each passing hour, really. Dean played music out loud on his computer using Pandora. When AC/DC's Shoot to Thrill started playing, Dean heard that voice from the room across from his pass by saying the lyrics. It had drawn a laugh out of the English teacher.  
So, at the end of the day when they both walked out of their classes at the same time, Dean smiled at Castiel and 'accidentally' checked him out. Damn, the guy had a nice body. It was thin, almost feminine because of that, but definitely masculine. His shoulders and arms showed his masculinity, while his hips didn't. It was something Dean liked in a guy.  
It surprised Dean when he thought that. He hadn't been with a guy in a very long time. Eight years, to be exact. The last time he'd even hooked up with a guy had been eight years ago... Just before he met Lisa.  
Lisa... A sigh left Dean's lips and he deflated slightly, smile faltering. Castiel had a look about him that reminded Dean of Lisa. It was probably the dark hair and soft tan skin, or maybe the way his cheekbones showed more when he smiled, or maybe the way his lips pulled tight and grew pinker when he smiled. Maybe even the slight laugh Castiel had let out and the shake of his head when Dean tried his best line on him while they took a break from preparations reminded Dean of Lisa Braeden, the woman who had broken his heart only a week ago.  
When Castiel fell into step beside Dean, Dean snuck a glance over. Despite his relations between Castiel and Lisa, he still liked to look at Cas. He didn't look too much like Lisa, so it was okay.  
Okay, okay, stop thinking about Lisa. It'll only make you sad again. You're supposed to be getting over her.  
The duo made small talk as they walked, Dean's hands in his pockets, fumbling with his keys. They chatted about how the weather- the most cliché topic possible. Castiel pointed that out and Dean laughed, welcoming the distraction from his thoughts.  
"I have a tradition," Dean finally admitted as they came close to his Baby, a 1967 four-door black Chevrolet Impala. "Every year on the night before the first day of school, I go get drunk. I've been doing it for seven years, and this is the first one where I won't have company..." He saw Castiel working this out in his mind and smiled. Castiel's eyebrows drew together a little. "It's always more fun with company, and no one on the current staff is as awesome as you."  
"Are you asking me to get a drink?" Castiel blurted, then seemed surprised that he'd actually said it out loud.  
Dean just laughed. "Yes," he replied. "What do you say?"  
Blue eyes darted off to the side and Dean grinned. He could already see Castiel's answer. When Cas opened his mouth, Dean held Castiel's phone out, having put his number in it already. "I'll text you a time and place. I just sent myself a text from your phone, so I've got your number. See you later, Cas."  
"O-okay," Castiel stuttered, looking down at his phone in confusion. "See you later."  
***  
Staring at his reflection in the mirror, Dean sighed. It would have to work. A sigh fell off of his lips and he tugged at his collar. If he hoped to hook up with anyone tonight, he'd have to lay down the charm instead of the looks.  
He tugged his leather jacket on and slid his wallet and phone into his jeans pocket, his keys in hand. A smile slid across his lips. Ten minutes until he had to meet Cas at the bar down the block.  
Breathing out slowly, he let his eyes wander over his worn out jeans, boots, t-shirt, and jacket while trying to block out all negative thoughts. When his eyes met the ones in the mirror, an unfamiliar sadness and anger was hidden in them. It was weird seeing that in his own eyes.  
He supposed it was something that happened after an eight year long relationship fell to shambles without any warning.  
With another sigh, Dean turned off the light and walked out the door. He couldn't look in the mirror any longer. He locked it behind him after checking his tiny apartment, then shoved his keys in his pocket angrily.  
Stupid fucking Lisa and stupid fucking Dean.  
He needed a nice strong drink.


	3. 2: First Day

Laughing, Dean downed another drink. He was definitely drunk.   
Definitely.   
His arm looped around Castiel's shoulders and he grinned. "Why don't we go back to my place?"   
An annoying beeping replaced the bar's music and tugged Dean out of the dream. "Dammit," he grumbled, rolling over. He buried his face in the pillow. "Fucking hell." His arm shot out to hit the snooze button before he remembered it was the first day of school. With yet another curse, he leapt out of bed and hurried to the shower.   
After a nice hot shower, he ignored the alarm's incessant beeping and went straight to the coffeemaker, towel low around his waist. He dropped two slices of bread in the toaster, then returned to his bedroom to turn the alarm off and get dressed. A plaid shirt, khakis, and loafers created the outfit choice of the day- simple, comfortable, and dressy. Perfect for work.   
Dean downed a cup of black coffee, filled a portable mug with the rest, and left the apartment.   
***   
When he got to work, he went straight to his classroom and started setting everything up. He projected the seating chart on the SmartBoard that every classroom had, taking a sip of his coffee and rustling through various stacks of paper trying to find his class rules and agenda. When he found them he let out a loud "Ha!", followed by a wince because of the pounding in his head. The coffee was helping, but maybe he should have taken ibuprofen before he left home.   
Had he stashed any in his desk yet? Did the nurse have any? With a groan, Dean started digging through his desk drawers, finally coming up with a small travel bottle of the medicine. Hallelujah! He swallowed two pills and chased them with coffee, dropping the bottle back into the drawer and closing it. God, he prayed the meds kicked in before class started.   
Then another thought crossed his mind: Castiel. Where was he? Dean didn't remember Castiel heading home last night after they left the bar...   
A frown slid across his lips and he stood, walking across the hall, smiling at a few students that were early for their first day. He slipped into Castiel's classroom unnoticed, finding a smooth, feminine voice and swing music playing from the speakers of the computer on the desk. Dean smiled. Ella Fitzgerald, huh? Dean knew enough older music to know that. Now where was Castiel?   
"Cas?" Dean called quietly, trailing his fingers lightly over the table. It felt like it had just been cleaned.   
After calling his name again and receiving no response, Dean decided to check the little room that used to be storage for the classroom. He found Castiel standing in the room, his back to the door, easing a canvas onto a shelf carefully. Dean's eyes darted around the area to find it organized so neatly that there was about half of the room on the shelves free. "There you are," he smiled finally.   
Castiel jumped, then turned to look at Dean with wide eyes. That tiny smile graced his lips. "Hello, Dean."   
"Why're you hiding?" Dean leaned his shoulder against the doorframe, trapping Castiel in the room. "Kids are already flooding in. I bet there's a group of 'em gathered outside already."   
Castiel finished putting the canvas on the shelf. A momentary pause in the movement had given Dean a chance to see that there was paint covering the canvas. "I doubt that," Castiel replied in a soft voice. "I don't have many students first class."   
"Shame. Maybe you can take some of mine."   
It coaxed a laugh out of Cas. Dean grinned. The guy's laugh went perfectly with the swing music playing faintly in the background. "Speaking of, you should listen to yourself. I bet there is a group of students waiting outside of your classroom."   
Dean rolled his eyes. "Door's open. No one has to wait with my class."   
"Whatever," Castiel smiled, easing past Dean. His hand brushed Dean's shoulder as he did. "Would you like for me to open the door?"   
"Only if there are students out there." Dean turned and followed Castiel, standing in front of his desk with his hands in the pockets of his khakis. "And turn on the lights in here, man," he joked as Castiel paused the music. "It's like you're hanging around here at night."   
At that, Castiel flipped the light switch next to his desk and the lights turned on, hitting Dean at full blast. Dean winced. "Little too drunk last night," he explained.   
For some reason, the look Castiel gave him was a mixture of pain and relief. Their eyes stayed locked for a second before Dean shook his head minutely.   
"Don't look at me like that, dude. It's a little creepy." He patted Castiel's shoulder as he walked by. "Good luck on your first day. Any problems, just come across the hall."   
Dean caught a glimpse of that weird expression again as he turned around. What the hell was Castiel's problem?   
He considered it as he walked back to his classroom, then realized that he hadn't asked the question he'd meant to ask when he went over there. Sighing, he walked into his already full classroom.   
A smile broke out on his face. "What are you all doing waiting in here? Aren't you teenagers?"   
The class laughed and Dean was suddenly extremely glad that he had taken his ibuprofen. "Yeah, but we heard your class is fun."   
"Well, you heard damn right- shit- crap, I mean. Don't tell anyone I said that."   
***   
"You know," Dean laughed, leaning against the whiteboard. "I'm pretty lenient with my rules. I just establish them because I'm forced to by the principal. Plus my rules make my job easier."   
A hand shot up in the air. "Then why are you telling us this?"   
"Student-teacher policy." He grinned. "I believe that there should be an air of comfortable truth between students and teachers."   
"What if someone lies to you?"   
"Then I guess I'll have to find a way to punish them."   
He heard a few giggles and rolled his eyes. Dean knew the hallway talk. He was Mr. Winchester- the hot one. Teenagers and their sexual minds.   
"Punish? How?"   
"Extra essays are popular from me. They're normally not hard. It depends on the quality of your lie. The same goes with cheating on a test. I don't give a sh- crap- about homework, but if you cheat on a test, I take it and throw it away. You have the option of staying after school and taking your test, but each point is worth half of what it would normally be. Therefore, you have half of a full score possible."   
The class suddenly looked terrified.   
"You might want to write that down," Dean quipped. "Maybe I'll give you a test on the class rules."   
"You wouldn't do that!"   
"You testing me?"   
"Are you cheating by asking us that?"   
The whole class laughed, Dean joining in. "I suppose so. This outburst leads into another topic- we will have class conversations, debates, et cetera, every Monday. Feel free to pipe in without raising your hand as long as you are not interrupting another classmate. God knows I'll start speaking in those debates as well."   
"So, if we interrupt anoth-"   
"You get sent out into the hallway," Dean interrupted with a smirk. "For example, I just interrupted you. So I'd go out into the hallway for a full minute, come back in, and the teacher would let me continue speaking as long as another person was not speaking."   
"What if we interrupt again?"   
"Then you get duct tape on your mouth."   
The class laughed, but Dean pulled duct tape off of the desk. Terror was back again. God, he loved that. He loved being able to stop laughter.   
Of course he knew he couldn't actually use the duct tape on a student, but it scared them enough to stop them from interrupting twice. Interrupting was a pet peeve of Dean's. He set the tape back down and grinned. "Are we clear?"   
There was a simultaneous nod.   
"Good. Now talk to each other. We don't have much time left, so there's no use in going into a class debate. We'll do that tomorrow. Think of topics for it! We'll put them in a bowl and choose one for each Monday."   
The class dissolved into the individual groups talking amongst each other when Dean took a seat at his desk, turning the SmartBoard off in the process. Dean quickly opened up his e-mail to find a message in his inbox from the principal, asking teachers to please attend the meeting at 3:30. Annual 'How did the first day go?' meeting.   
Great.   
***   
Three o'clock hit and Dean downed the rest of his coffee quickly. The bell rang and students broke apart and into the hallways, flooding it with a sea of bookbags, yelling, and slamming lockers. Dean stood by his door, smiling and nodding at a few groups when they acknowledged him. His eyes met blue ones from across the hallway and he smiled, raising a hand in greeting.   
The greeting was swept away by the passing group of giggles, when Castiel ducked his head and disappeared. With a sigh, Dean disappeared into his classroom again.   
Where are you going? Dean sent the text to Castiel's contact.   
***   
Thirty minutes later, there was still no response. The meeting was just about to start when Castiel appeared, breathing heavily. His eyes darted around the conference room, then settled on the only empty spot.   
Next to Dean.   
Dean offered a smile as Castiel fell into the chair. "Where were you?" he whispered as Principal Harvelle started talking.   
"Out," Castiel replied.   
"Out where?"   
"Running. I didn't get a chance to this morning-"   
"Why not? You could have gone but you decided to paint."   
"How do you know I was painting?"   
"How do I not?"   
"Shut up, Dean. I'll talk to you after the meeting."   
Castiel shut off then, listening to Ellen speaking. Dean sighed, eyes lingering on Castiel's attentive face before moving to the principal again.


	4. 3: First Lesson

After the meeting, Dean grabbed Castiel's arm and they stayed behind in the conference room for a few minutes to talk.   
"It's after the meeting. Let's talk." Dean stared at the man in front of him. They were almost equal heights; Castiel was just a tiny bit shorter.   
"Dean," Castiel started, shaking his head. His eyes closed. "Look, I know you don't remember anything from last night, but Christ, please don't do this."   
"What happened last night?" Dean asked, frowning. His arms crossed and he leaned against the table. Silently, he acknowledged the fact that Castiel was taking in his every move. "Cas, tell me."   
"No," Castiel refused. "I have to go, anyway. I'll hopefully talk to you later."   
When he made a move for the door, Dean lurched up and grabbed his wrist again. "No," he muttered. "Tell me. I'm a big guy, I can take it. What happened?"   
Castiel stayed silent, his eyes everywhere except on Dean. Somehow, the silence told Dean more than words could have.   
"We hooked up, didn't we?"   
"Hooked up is such a fleeting phrase," Castiel sighed. "But yeah, I guess you could say that."   
"Shit, man," Dean ran his hand over his mouth lightly. "You're screwing with me!"   
Castiel let out a laugh. "Nice choice of words."   
Dean chuckled slightly, then covered his face. "God, this is so weird. How did it even happen?"   
"Well," Castiel sighed. Now that Dean had figured it out, Castiel seemed to be able to open up more. Dean watched him through the spaces between his fingers. "You were drunk and asked me to come back to your place with you. We got inside and you kissed me, then one thing led to another."   
"Where were you this morning, then? You just got up and left?"   
Now Castiel was the one blushing. "Yeah. It was... awkward. I didn't want to make things worse, so I just left. I am notorious for making things worse."   
Dean rolled his eyes and dropped his hands from his face. "Damn, Cas. We can't pretend this never happened."   
"We can," Castiel said simply, looking into Dean's eyes. "We did today. We can pretend it never happened. Let's pretend it never happened. Okay?"   
Without letting Dean vote yay or nay, Castiel left the room.   
It left Dean with dampened spirits and the damn elephant in the room.   
***   
They didn't talk for a few days, and for having just met Cas for the first time recently, Dean felt lonelier than ever. He kept catching the sad looks he got from his friends and even from strangers, all saying 'He's missing Lisa again.'   
But he wasn't. He was missing Cas, his new friend. He was over Lisa already- he wanted Cas.   
And that dished up a whole new pile of shit.   
Dean looked over the class as they worked on their pre-test, leaning against the whiteboard. When the first student, Jesse, turned in his paper, Dean set it on the table next to him and quietly asked Jesse to stand there was watch for him. He explained quickly- no talking, no cheating, no music. Jesse nodded and smiled. "I've got it, Mr. Winchester."   
"Good." Dean smiled back and grabbed his coffee mug. "Thank you." When he opened the door, he spoke louder. "Jesse is in charge of the class for right now. Act like he is me, everyone."   
Dean left his classroom and heard a door shut on the other side of the hall as he did. Castiel was standing by his door, eyes on Dean. "Hey," Dean said. It was the first contact they'd had in four days. It was now Friday.   
"Hello, Dean," Castiel nodded once at him before walking away.   
The English teacher went after him. "How are you?"   
"I'm okay."   
"That's good, that's good... Me too." Dean fell into step beside Castiel. "How's the art?"   
"It's okay. The students are okay, my family is okay, the paint is okay, the school is okay, the weather is okay. Everything you could possibly ask about is okay, Dean." Castiel stopped walking and turned to face Dean.   
Those blue eyes were so cold that Dean froze. He felt the ice push its way into his heart. "Well," he hissed in a whisper, "I'm sorry for giving a fuck about you, Cas. It's a fucking luxury compared to the way I used to treat one night stands when I had them."   
"That's what I am to you?" Castiel was hissing back, close to Dean's face. "A cheap one night stand?"   
Dean just stared, jaw clenched. He felt anger coursing red hot through his body, melting the ice Castiel had instilled in him. He shook his head slowly. "Fuck you, Cas," he whispered, then started to walk away. He swore he heard a mumble and turned around again. "What was that?" He was pissed. Beyond pissed. He wanted to punch somebody's face in.   
"I said you already have." Castiel looked him in the eye, then pivoted on his heel and walked away again.   
Dean stared after him before sighing and turning around again to get his coffee. He hoped he burned his mouth. It would be a nice addition to the day.   
Once in the teacher's lounge and with coffee filling his mug, Dean leaned against the wall and took a long drink. Scalding hot coffee was the answer to any problem, in Dean's opinion. Not to mention his good old friend, self loathing.   
Taking a few minutes to calm himself down, Dean sipped at his coffee with his eyes closed. Then he went back to class, acting like nothing had happened even though he was still seething in his mind.   
How dare Castiel treat him like that? Dean knew he was trash. He'd known it since he was sixteen. Hell, he'd known it from birth, probably. He had been trash at helping his father, trash at taking care of Sammy (his brother, the one constant in his life), and he was even trash at school. It was a miracle he had made it out of college in one piece, let alone passed and got a job. And he'd been in an amazing fucking relationship- at least until he found out she was cheating on him.   
Eight years with Lisa, no marriage because they both said they didn't want a commitment like that, and then she told him she was pregnant. He'd been ecstatic for the first time in a long time- fucking out of his mind with happiness. Then came the delivery day, and the child was a healthy baby boy that they named Ben. Lisa had some blood work done and they found out the child didn't have his blood type, or Lisa's. That's when she told him those stupid fatal words. "I've been fooling around behind your back. It got serious about a year ago, and it still hasn't ended." Dean had blamed it on her drug high, but then she started crying and kept repeating it along with "I'm sorry, Dean, I'm so sorry."   
That's when Dean had left. He took Lisa's phone and texted Victor, the guy she'd been sleeping with, been getting serious with, and smiled sadly at her. "Get some sleep, Lis," he'd said. "Forget about it. This is goodbye, isn't it? Have a good life." He'd walked out that door and never turned back. That had been a month ago. Lisa had moved everything out of the apartment, with Victor's help, while Dean was working on plans at school or out of town visiting Sammy at college.   
And that led to Dean meeting Cas and to this stupid shit. Dean sat down at his desk and dropped his head into his hands, heels of his palms digging into his eyes. He then looked up to find a stack of papers on the table next to his desk and all of his students reading silently, a few whispering or on their phones. A small smile broke out on his face and he looked at the time. They still had about twenty minutes until the bell. He stood up, asked if everyone was done, and then moved the papers to his desk. He grabbed the plastic bowl of slips of debate/conversation topics, and slid them over to Jesse. "Choose one," he smiled.   
Jesse pulled out a slip and unfolded it, rolling his eyes. Dean laughed. "Relationships," Jesse read out loud. The class laughed. Dean took the paper and snickered.   
"Nice choice, Molly," Dean tapped the desk of a more popular girl in his class. "We have twenty minutes. Would anyone like to start out?"   
No one started. They obviously all wanted to hear about Dean's relationships, it was unquestionable with the way they were all staring. "Okay, okay," Dean sighed, hopping up to sit on the table by the SmartBoard. "Relationships aren't my thing. I honestly believe they're a waste of time as of late. Does anyone object?"   
Molly raised her hand and started talking as she did. "What would make you think something like that? Relationships are fun. They give you a chance to get to know someone more than you would if you were just friends. Haven't you ever been married? Or had someone in that sense? It's nice, isn't it?"   
Dean smiled and gestured toward Molly with one hand. "And this is how a person with parents who have never divorced or fought in front of her sees a relationship. Molly, I think you're seeing the good side because you're still in school. You've just started high school and you haven't had a true, deep, heartfelt relationship, have you? You've never been truly invested in a romance, right?" He waited for her to nod shyly before continuing. "There's where we're different. I've had my heart broken and I've broken a few myself. I know the horrible repercussions of romance."   
"So it's not all like it is in the movies, right?" Andy piped in from the other side of the room. "It's not always a damsel in distress or a love triangle. There's not always a prince in disguise or a fight over a girl. I think we should remember that."   
"That we should," Dean grinned. "Good point, Andy. How many of you thought love in high school would be something straight out of Disney or out of Twilight? Show of hands."   
Every hand (other than three or four) in the classroom shot up.   
"Exactly. It's the thing you've been taught by watching those things growing up," Dean leaned forward, elbows on his knees now. He gestured with his hands as he spoke. "Meanwhile, some of us have had parents divorce or seen, maybe even felt, the effect a broken heart leaves on a person.   
"I think what we all need to remember is that life is not like it is in the movies. If you get up and start singing like they do in Disney movies, you're not going to have people join in. You're going to be laughed at and probably made fun of. It's just how the real world is. Life is full of opportunities and people that you'll meet and pass up or take, and you never know how those opportunities or people can affect you until you take them or until you leave them behind or screw it up." Dean looked at his students, who were all looking at him like they wanted to hug him. He broke out into a grin. "Don't go all sappy on me now, you guys. You're supposed to fight me."   
"We can't," someone said after a minute. "You just taught us the first thing of the year."   
Dean laughed almost bitterly. "And it was about how bad life is. How great."   
The class laughed. "Thank you," some of them said. Dean felt himself smile more.   
"You're welcome," Dean replied. "Fight me, though. If you don't believe you can, then make up some stuff. It's a debate, people!"   
***   
Dean sighed and looked down at his shoes with a short laugh. He finally let himself into Castiel's classroom and smiled at the students. "Mr. Milton, can I talk to you for second?"   
Blue eyes locked on Dean's from behind glasses and he sighed. "Keep working," Castiel said to his class as he stood up. "Hallway, Dean."   
Good, Dean was still Dean. He wasn't Mr. Winchester or just plain Winchester. He wasn't nothing, he was Dean. That was a good sign. "I don't have a class right now. It's prep. We could go into my classroom, it's more private."   
Castiel only nodded. One step forward, three steps back. Dean opened the door for Castiel and shut it behind himself. Castiel was standing a few feet away from Dean, arms crossed, dried paint smeared on his hands. "What do you want, Dean?"   
"Have you been painting?" Dean asked, gesturing to Castiel's hands. He walked past him as he did, smiling. "I wouldn't mind seeing one of your paintings."   
"Don't evade the question."   
"Look, Cas, I just don't want to fight anymore. We have to coexist in this school, across the hall from each other, and we can't just keep fighting. It's stupid."   
"What if I don't want to?"   
"Then you're being childish."   
Castiel only frowned at him. Dean smirked slightly. "I am not behind childish."   
"You're practically throwing a temper tantrum, Cas."   
Castiel reared up for a second, his arms falling and his chest raising, before relaxing again. He just stared at Dean. "Why?"   
"Why are you being childish?"   
"No. Why are you doing this?"   
"I want to be your friend. You're one of the awesome teachers in the school." Offering a smile, Dean stepped forward. "I know whatever we did was something you want to forget, and I'm willing to drop the subject if you will."   
"Fine," Castiel mumbled. He looked at Dean for a second, that familiar stare back, then hooked his thumb over his shoulder. "I should probably get back to my class."   
"Yeah..." Dean stared at Castiel, whispering dazedly. He snapped out of it and nodded. "Yeah, probably. Make sure they aren't flinging paint at each other or anything."   
Castiel laughed softly. "Yeah."   
For some reason, Dean felt like he should walk Castiel back to his classroom. He smiled and clapped him on the shoulder. His hand lingered. "Thank you, Cas, for agreeing to be friends again."   
"I mean, we were friends for a day." Castiel smiled. "Might as well try it out again."   
"Exactly," Dean laughed. "Get back in there. You've got students who probably need your help."   
Castiel grinned at Dean and then turned to walk into his classroom. At the last second, Dean remembered something he had wanted to say earlier. He stopped the door from closing and leaned in. "Milton?" he asked. Castiel turned around from where he was standing at a student's side. Diving right back in, Dean thought. Damn, I like him.   
"Yes?"   
A grin broke out on Dean's face. "You look good in glasses." He ducked out of the classroom and hurried back over to his own as though he was a teenager who had just snuck a kiss from a crush at a dance.


	5. 4: Little Things

After school almost a week later, Dean was sitting in Castiel's classroom next to the art teacher, squinting at a painting. Finally, after a few minutes, Dean gave up and leaned back in his chair. "How the hell do you grade a painting? Quality? Do you compare it to the damn professionals?"   
Really, Dean was only complaining because he didn't understand how Castiel did it. He also knew Castiel knew why he was complaining. "All I wanted you to do was tell me who painted it, Dean. The tape in the bottom corner."   
"Yeah, yeah," Dean grumbled, rattling off the name and squinting at the painting again. "Explain the process to me?"   
All Castiel said in response was the list "Inspiration, technique, emotions."   
"So helpful," Dean muttered. Castiel laughed as he circled a number with an almost perfect circle. "How do you do that?"   
"Do what?"   
"The perfect circle." Dean pointed at the circle. "Teach me your ways, Master Yoda."   
Castiel laughed again. "Not easy, the perfect of circles are," he teased, shoving Dean's hand away. "Here to help, you are. Work, you will do."   
"Whatever, geek." Dean laughed, rattling off the next few names and watching Castiel grade without interrupting. "I have something touchy to bring up."   
Castiel looked at Dean over his glasses, and Dean had to admit to himself that that look was hot as hell. "Touchy?"   
"Touchy," Dean confirmed. "Keep grading while I talk." With a sigh, he said the next name and made sure Castiel wrote it down correctly. "So, I've figured something out.   
"I don't want to drop the subject of what happened between us, Cas. I know I said I would, but I can't. It's something that I can't live with without knowing what could have happened between us. You can't tell me you don't wonder about stuff like that either, because everyone does. It's a fact of nature; you wonder. It's a part of life.   
"And, as I said in my class a few days ago-" Dean paused to rattle off another name. He noticed that Castiel was gripping the pen so hard that it looked like it was going to break. "- life throws opportunities at you, and it's up to you to choose which ones you want to take and which ones you don't. And I want to take this one. I feel like this one could be an important one, something that doesn't hurt us as much as you seem to believe it will. I don't regret what happened, I don't want to leave it in the past. I want to take it with me into the future, but I can't do that unless you try with me to see what this becomes."   
Castiel shakily set down his pen and turned to face Dean. He looked like he was trying really hard to keep calm and not yell. "Dean," he choked out. "I said no. We're both teachers who work in the same building. What if it turned out bad? What if we broke each other's hearts and had to look at each other practically everyday? We're also grown men, Dean. We should both be able to get over a simple one night stand, as you'd called it. We hooked up, and then we drifted apart. Please, just drop it. This is idiotic."   
Somehow, while Castiel was talking, his hand ended up on Dean's knee. With a frown, Dean turned again and read off the next name on the next painting. "I'm not giving up," he muttered.   
"Of course you aren't," Castiel replied with a grumble, and Dean heard a quick, angry scratch of a pen. Castiel was just crossing out numbers now.   
***   
On Saturday morning, Dean felt like he had to convince Castiel somehow. He decided he'd do little things to show to Castiel that everything could be fine if they were anything like that and that Dean wouldn't hurt him. Dean didn't want to hurt Cas.   
That's why, when Dean arrived at school on Monday, he was tossing an apple up in the air and catching it as he walked.   
Despite being early to school, Castiel was still there before him. When Dean reached the room, Castiel was standing inside by a table, paintbrush in hand, the tip covered in a yellowish white and dabbing at the canvas in front of him.   
Dean was mesmerized. Standing by the door, he kept his eyes on Castiel and ceased moving. The apple was in his hand, held loosely. Castiel was so concentrated that it was adorable.   
Horn rimmed glasses rested on the mop of dark hair that made Castiel look like he had just rolled out of bed and gotten dressed. His blue eyes were narrowed in on the section of the painting he was working on and his tongue was pushing at his lip. After a moment, he pursed his lips and pulled back to look over the painting before muttering something and leaning over again, closer to the painting.   
Dean found his heart beating quickly. Castiel was so concentrated and involved in the painting that Dean couldn't look away. He wanted to know what Castiel was painting, but he never wanted Castiel to stop painting it.   
That's when he accidentally dropped the apple. It fell with a soft bump and Dean saw Castiel look up and bit his lip, moving away from the door and backward as quickly as he could to make it seem like he was just walking down the hallway. He took out his phone and acted like he was texting someone, swallowing thickly. God dammit, he'd ruined it. Son of a bitch.   
Castiel was picking up the apple when Dean reached his door, closing his eyes as he unlocked it and tried to get rid of his blush. "Dean?"   
Dean turned around and met Castiel's eye. His glasses were still balancing in his hair... A small smile settled on Dean's lips at that. "Yeah? Good morning, Cas."   
"Good morning... Did you see who left this?" He raised the apple, frowning.   
All Dean did was shrug. "Nothing," he lied. "Maybe you've got a secret admirer."   
Castiel huffed a laugh and looked down at the apple. "There's something on it." He peeled the sticky note off of the apple and snorted. "Is your dad an art thief? Because you're a masterpiece."   
Dean laughed. He'd gotten the pick-up line from online, figuring it may make Castiel laugh. Luckily it had been effective. Castiel was laughing. "That's such a bad line," Dean grinned. He leaned against the frame of his classroom door, looking down at his feet.   
"Yeah, it is," Castiel laughed. He sobered up after a second, smiling slightly and looking at Dean. "What's your lesson for today?"   
"Oh," Dean looked up. "It's Monday."   
"Yes, it is Monday." Castiel rolled his eyes. Dean smiled.   
"No, it's Monday. That means it's class conversation day."   
"What's that?"   
"At the start of the year I have every class write down topics for the year and put them in bowls. Every Monday and every time we have more than fifteen minutes left in class, someone chooses a topic and the whole class talks about it or has a debate over the topic." Dean explained quickly, sliding his bag off of his shoulder. He caught Castiel's interested look and grinned. "You know, you could come to the class during your prep if you're not too busy. It's always interesting."   
Castiel's eyes narrowed on Dean for a second before he nodded. "Maybe. I'll let you know if I will or not."   
***   
Castiel ended up participating.   
During fifth period he sat in with Dean's class, sitting on the table next to Dean. He introduced Castiel as "Cas," by accident, quickly fixing it to say "Mr. Milton, the art teacher." Castiel laughed beside him.   
"I really don't care what I'm called, but I would prefer to be called Mr. Milton at school."   
Castiel chose the topic for the day, being a guest and all. He frowned slightly at the slip of paper. "Art. How fitting."   
Dean took the paper from Castiel and looked him in the eye. He grinned. "You wanna start?" He then turned to face the class. "Does everyone think Mr. Milton should start this conversation?"   
So, with that, Castiel started.   
In the middle of the conversation, it started to get heated. Jesse was sitting at his desk, silent and seemingly brooding. Dean frowned and waited for a moment of silence before speaking up. "Hey, Jesse? You got any opinion?"   
"I-" Jesse looked at his hands before looking up again. "I just don't understand the big deal about art. It's all just lines and strokes and shapes, isn-"   
"Lines and shapes and strokes?" Castiel interrupted Jesse. Dean turned to look at Castiel in shock. "Art is so much more, Jesse. It's emotions and revolt and innovative and, most of all, it's life. A picture can show a whole life in just a few strokes. It can show anger or contentment in a few minor shapes. It can show a revolution in a few lines."   
The class stared at Castiel and Dean sighed. "Cas, you broke a rule."   
"What?" Castiel's eyes moved to Dean, wide with shock.   
"You have to be punished," Dean smirked slightly. "Hallw-"   
"Don't smirk at me! Dean, I'm a teacher."   
Dean merely sighed at Castiel's outburst. "Two interruptions. What does that mean, class?"   
A few students started laughing. "Duct tape!" they all yelled in unison. Castiel frowned at all of them, head tilting in confusion.   
Dean leaned back up and face Castiel with the duct tape in his hand. "And the hallway. Double offender." Dean smirked and winked at Castiel playfully. "Continue the conversation, kids. Let Jesse finish speaking. I'm going to talk to Mr. Milton in the hallway."   
Once in the hallway with the door mostly closed, Dean leaned against the wall. Castiel was shooting daggers at him not a foot away. "If looks could kill..." Dean muttered, smiling.   
"What was that about?"   
"I have rules for discussions, Cas. One: Anyone can talk, no raising their hand. Two: It has to be about the topic, or somehow tie back to the topic. Three: No bullying of any kind. Four: No interrupting another person. I also have consequences for breaking the rules, and you happened to fall under rule number four's consequences. One interruption means a full minute in the hallway. Two interruptions," Dean lifted the hand holding the tape. "Duct tape."   
"You can't tape kids' mouths," Castiel stared at Dean in bewilderment.   
"I don't. They know how bad duct tape hurts to pull off, therefore it makes them stop interrupting. But, you, Mr. Milton, need to learn a lesson." Dean smirked. "Please just help me keep up my tough guy appearance and put the tape on your mouth."   
Castiel pursed his lips and Dean thought of the morning, watching Castiel paint. Heat crept up his neck and he swallowed thickly. "Fine," Castiel sighed after a second. "Whatever. Just because it's a rule and I believe in following the rules."   
"Thank you," Dean laughed. He ripped off a portion of tape and used his key to cut it off, holding it out to Castiel. He was honestly afraid of letting himself anywhere near those pretty pink chapped lips. Castiel flattened the tape over his mouth while glaring at Dean. "Can I rip it off during passing period?" Dean asked as they walked back into the classroom, leaning forward to whisper in Castiel's ear while holding the door open for him. He caught a glimpse of Castiel's middle finger directed behind his back at Dean and chuckled.   
***   
After school, Dean helped Castiel grade again. He kept nudging Castiel's arm, asking if he wanted anything or if his face still hurt. Castiel answered with varying quips, all of which made Dean laugh.   
Dammit, Dean kept getting closer and closer to Castiel, wanting more and more after finding out that they'd hooked up before. He wanted to remember how the sex had been more than ever.   
Dean sighed and rattled off a name, watching Castiel circle high grades for the student. "Was I good?" he asked suddenly, looking up at Castiel.   
"Were you good... when?"   
"You know, the night before school started. Was I good?"   
Castiel sighed. "Dean... You know I don't want to talk about it."   
"Yeah, but it's something I have to know. I can't even remember the night, man, I want to know if I was any good." Dean picked at the edge of the masking tape, peeling a small piece off with his fingernail. He wiped it on Castiel's shoulder, smiling slightly when Castiel wiped it off without thinking.   
Castiel shook his head and turned back to his papers. Dean frowned and sighed in resignation. There was never going to be a breakthrough with Cas.   
"Next name?"   
"Bela Talbot. One L." Dean grumbled, fingers tapping on the table after he moved another painting to lean against many others. "Seriously, Cas. How the hell do you grade all of these?"   
"You were okay," Castiel replied softly. "Drunk, of course, but okay. I'm going to blame that on the drinking, though." Dean caught Castiel looking at his out of the corner of his eyes. Blue was popping in the corner of Castiel's eye, contrasting with the tan of his skin. "I don't think you'd be as sloppy if you were sober."   
Dean smiled and exhaled sharply, head shaking slightly. "Thank you," he mumbled. "I think she deserves a higher grade in the conveyance of emotion. I definitely feel apprehension with this one."   
***   
Tuesday, Dean brought in another apple with a bad pick up line on it. "There are 20 angels on Earth: 11 are playing, 8 are sleeping, and 1 looked a little hungry, so I gave him an apple."   
Wednesday, it was another apple, but it was simpler. "Good morning. I hope you have the good day you deserve!"   
Thursday was a chocolate bar (Everyone could use something sweet and unhealthy in a week!) with another sticky note attached. "You're so sweet, you could put Hershey's out of business."   
Friday was another apple with the shortest note of all. "I'll miss you over the weekend."   
Monday came and Dean, being his idiotic self, hadn't known what to do for Cas that was different from last week, so he broke into Castiel's classroom while he was on his morning coffee run (Castiel hated the school's coffee.) and painted on a piece of paper. It was mediocre at best, but it worked. He painted words on the paper. The orange lines read "Good morning, Milton. Have a good day- smile!" Underneath that, Dean painted a quick smiling face and laughed at himself before setting the paper on the desk and leaving.   
On Monday night, Dean went and bought the best paintbrushes he could find with help from the salesperson at the art shop.   
He wrote sticky notes of every art related pick up line he could think of with a smile and help from the internet, laughing at half of them.   
Tuesday: "You're so amazing, you could make an impression on Monet."   
Wednesday: "You make the Mona Lisa look average."   
Thursday: "I would take you to an art museum, but I'd probably get kicked out for touching the masterpieces."   
Friday: "You would be amazed by the orgasm one can get with a number 14 sable brush." (This one made Castiel blush. It didn't make it on the wall by his desk with all of the other notes.)   
Each note was accompanied by a single paintbrush. The next Monday, Dean had one more left to give to Castiel.   
As he set it down outside Castiel's classroom door, he noticed a note on the door handle. It was a sticky note, just like he was leaving. In black pen on the green paper, there was a note for Dean. "Whoever you are- Thank you. You've brightened up my days recently and I want to know who you are. Meet me outside at 3:15... If you're brave enough."   
Dean stared at the note as he crouched in front of the door, swallowing whatever was stuck in his throat. His eyes fell down to the paintbrush under his fingers before heading back to the note. After a second of contemplation, Dean reached up and ripped the note off of the door handle. He would totally be there. He had to see the look on Castiel's face when he found out it was him.


	6. 5: Casual, right?

Dean made it outside at 3:17 to find Castiel standing in the empty bus lot with his back turned. He paused at the curb of the sidewalk, closing his eyes and licking his lips. He could do this. Revealing himself wasn't that hard. All he had to do was let Cas see the note.   
Shoving his hands in his pockets and wrapping one around the note, Dean stepped down from the curb and started toward Cas. "Hey, Milton," he called with a smile.   
Castiel turned around, all hopeful blue eyes and wide smile. When he realized it was Dean, they disappeared.   
Okay, maybe Dean couldn't do this.   
"I'm waiting for someone, Dean," Castiel replied, simply watching Dean move closer with a blank expression. That expression scared Dean. He couldn't tell if Castiel was angry or happy or sad or confused or anything from his position. He stepped even closer.   
"And I'm looking for someone," Dean smirked slightly, looking into Castiel's eyes.   
Confusion.   
"Please, Dean, leave me alone. I'm waiting for someone." Castiel begged silently. His eyes were the only things that gave him away. He was considering the option. What if it was Dean?   
All Dean had to do was show Castiel the note. So that's what he did. He pulled his hand out of his pocket and held out his hand, palm up, the green paper in his hand. "Meet me outside at 3:15 if you're brave enough," he mumbled.   
"It's not you," Castiel sighed. "It's meant for someone else."   
So Dean's heart broke. Castiel's eyes were betraying him and saying 'Go away, Dean. I don't want you,' along with Castiel's lips. He felt something building in his throat and swallowed it down. Two heartbreaks in as many months. How wonderful.   
"I left you apples for a week. Thursday of that week, I left you chocolate. On Monday, I told you to have a good day and smile, with a painting, because I hadn't gotten the paintbrushes yet and I wanted to see you smile. I left you paintbrushes for the rest of the week, including today.   
"Friday's note made you blush and it's not on the wall in your room. Monday's painting made you grin like an idiot. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, you laughed and told me about the pick up lines I left you, Cas." Dean whispered all of it in a rush, in one breath. He felt like he was going to cry, and Dean Winchester did not cry often.   
"And now you don't fucking believe me. I should have seen it coming, of course. I mean," Dean looked away, his hand crushing the note again before he dropped it and wiped the corner of his eye, then his mouth, "I fucked you before I showed you I can treat you right. I made you think I was a player, didn't I?" Castiel only stared at him in shock.   
Dean stared into his eyes as he finished off his speech with a bitter smile. "I was in a relationship for eight fucking years before finding out the woman cheated on me. I was about to ask her to marry me because I thought she was pregnant with my own child, even if I didn't want the fucking commitment, and then the blood work came back and the baby was her fucking coworker's, Cas. I don't need you to tell me I do something wrong in all of my relationships when I had that proved to me last month, okay? So, I guess I'll just go back inside and let you hate me again, right? It would fit the pattern of my life, wouldn't it?" Dean didn't even wait for an answer before turning on his heel and marching himself back inside, wanting to pack up and leave for the day.   
Dean entered his classroom and stared around the room for a minute before gathering the papers he had to grade, his laptop, and his charger. He tossed them all into his bag and swung it over his shoulder, snatching his keys off of the desk and storming past Castiel without another look on his way out of the school. Once he was out at his car, Dean threw the bag through the back window, wrenched the door open, and slammed the keys in the ignition. He flipped the engine on and left the parking lot with a screech of rubber on concrete and the sound of AC/DC blasting louder than it should be on school grounds.   
***   
Dean called in sick the next day. He couldn't face Castiel, so he faked being sick.   
Of course, Ellen saw right through it, but said she'd take care of it. Dean never took days off, so if he was doing this, it was important. Dean may or may not have swung the broken ex-boyfriend card, too.   
"Do you have a pen near you so you can write down lesson plans for the classes today? I wasn't planning on being out," Dean mumbled. Luckily, Ellen was an old friend. She wouldn't have done this for anyone else.   
"Got it," Ellen said after a second. Her scratchy slight accent leaked through the phone. "What do you have for me, boy?"   
Dean told her his lesson plans, excluding the ones that had to do with the computer, and told her to write down that whatever time remained needed to be spent as a study hall. He also told her that the class rules were on his desk and that whoever the teacher was needed to write on the board that the kids had their first test tomorrow.   
"I've got it all down," Ellen assured Dean when he asked for the fourth time. "You go lay down and sleep. Feel better soon, Dean-o."   
"Thank you, Ellen," Dean replied, smiling a little. "Really."   
"No problem, kid. I've gotta go."   
"Okay. Bye."   
"See you."   
After that, Dean stared up at the ceiling of his room absently. He'd finished grading last night, so he didn't really have anything to do now. All he had to do was lay in bed and brood and mope over his failed attempts at friendship and his failed relationships.   
That's what he did. He ate and slept and drank and stared and thought all day, no stopping.   
Around four, Dean found himself sitting on the floor in front of the couch and nursing his last bottle of beer silently and slowly.   
There was a knock on the door.   
His eyes darted toward it and he sighed setting the bottle on the oak table, using the corner to pull himself up as well. Once up, Dean started for the door with a swimming head. He'd been sitting around practically all day and wasn't used to being up. Not to mention he'd gotten up too fast. He leaned against the door after opening it, his eyes adjusting to the light of the hallway.   
Castiel was standing in front of him, hands in his coat pockets, glasses balancing on the bridge of his nose. His eyes bore into Dean's for a moment before Dean's friendly, polite smile fell and he slammed the door.   
Castiel knocked again and Dean frowned, staring at the door in silence. "Dean," Cas said, his voice pleading. "Please let me in. I just want to talk."   
"I don't want to talk." Dean replied. "We talked yesterday."   
"No, you talked yesterday. You ran away before I could tell you anything."   
"Exactly."   
"You know, for someone who wants to treat me well, you're doing a pretty bad job."   
"Nice joke," Dean scoffed. "Now go away."   
"No. I'll sit out here all night if I have to."   
"Cas..."   
"Dean."   
"I'm not letting you in."   
"I'll stay out here, then."   
"Whatever," Dean sighed again and moved away from the door, sitting down on the couch this time. He drained the rest of his beer and covered his face with a pillow. After closing his eyes, Dean slipped into a peaceful dreamless sleep.   
***   
At about eight p.m., Dean woke up to dark silence in his apartment. He rolled off of the couch and into a sitting position with a groan, the pillow from before falling into his lap. A grunt accompanied him in his stretching and his standing. It made him dizzy again. "Son of a bitch," he grumbled to himself. His buzz was gone, too.   
Dean went to the bathroom and then started to go into his bedroom to sleep before remembering what had happened before he fell asleep. "Fucking Cas," he sighed and walked to the door instead, clad in only his boxers and a t-shirt.   
When he opened the door, Castiel looked up from his seat in the hallway and from the sketch book in his lap. Dean smiled a little. Did the guy carry a sketch book with him everywhere? Then his smile fell and he gestured at Cas.   
"Come on. I'm not leaving you in the hallway all night on a school night, so talk quick, Cas."   
Castiel got up quickly, flipping his sketch book closed and stuffing it in his bag, along with the pencil, as he walked into the apartment.   
As soon as Dean had the door closed, Castiel reached forward, took Dean's cheeks in his hands, and pulled him down into a long, soft kiss. Dean froze with his arms raised by his chest for a moment, eyes open, before relaxing into it and letting his hands rest on Castiel's ribs.   
Mere seconds later, Castiel pulled away, eyes still closed, hands still on Dean's slack cheeks. Dean just stared at him for a second before laughing once weakly and breathily. "Nice talk."   
Castiel laughed almost nervously and opened his eyes, the blue brighter than it had been the day before. "Look, Dean, I didn't mean to hurt you yesterday. I was..." Castiel trailed off, eyes falling to the side as he thought. Dean bit his cheek. "I was confused, really. I'd been fighting the thought of a relationship with you for so long- a month is really longer than you'd think- that it didn't seem right. And then I went home after you did and thought about it and I just couldn't pass up the opportunity. Your little speech to me before, when we were grading paintings, got to me. You get to choose the opportunities you want to take, but there are some that you can't choose.   
"This is one of the ones you don't get to choose. I fought it tooth and nail, and yet it's still happening." Castiel sighed, looking up at Dean again. "Dean, I want to try this, but I don't want to get hurt, nor do I want to hurt you again. We have to keep it somewhat casual, not get too involved or attached... Is that okay?"   
Dean licked his lips and kept eye contact with Castiel. Was that okay with him? He thought it was. At least he'd get to prove he could treat Castiel right and not hurt him or use him. Dean didn't even think it was possible for him to hurt Castiel again or use him in any way. He certainly wanted to prove he could abide to Castiel's wishes, too.   
With a nod and a small smile, Dean agreed. "Casual."   
Castiel smiled and kissed Dean again, one hand rising to his cheek this time. He turned to leave, and Dean frowned.   
"Cas?" Castiel turned around, looking at Dean with that blank expression. "If this is casual, does that mean we can have casual sex right now?"   
***   
In the morning, Dean woke up in a very familiar yet foreign way. There was a body draped over his arm, causing it to become static. One long, deep breath later, Dean opened his eyes to find tired, blue, unfocused ones staring up at him.   
"Good morning," Castiel mumbled, eyes still slightly unfocused. Dean only smiled and grunted back. It was too early to speak. "Is your arm asleep?" Dean nodded and, when Castiel moved to sit up, shook his head and set his arm on Castiel's shoulder. He rolled over a little and pressed his lips to Castiel's.   
God, it felt good to do that.   
It definitely woke Dean up. They pulled apart and Dean smiled again. He couldn't stop doing that. "Good morning."   
"It's Wednesday."   
"Yes, it is." Dean sat up, tugging his arm out from under Castiel. "We have to work."   
Castiel groaned and Dean laughed, grabbing Castiel's upper arms and tugging him up. "I don't want to."   
"We have to. You get to paint and draw, remember?"   
"The lightens the deal."   
"Exactly. Your day is much funner than mine." Dean slid out from under the blue covers and silently admired Castiel, who was wiping his eyes and sitting with his legs under the covers, before turning and searching for his own boxers. He tossed Castiel's at him when he found them, then found his own in the pile on the floor and tugged them on before realizing they were unnecessary. He had to shower. Castiel had tugged his on as well and was sliding out of bed when Dean grabbed his hand. "Shower with me?"   
"If it cuts time off of our morning, sure. I'll have to head home for a change of clothes." Castiel followed Dean into the bathroom, letting Dean pull down his underwear for him and kiss his stomach. Castiel rolled his eyes, which made Dean grin.   
"Oh, who cares. Just wear the same pants and borrow one of my shirts. I don't mind." Dean turned on the water. "Hot or cold?"   
"Hot." Cas watched Dean move around, then looked around the bathroom. "I don't want to take one of your shirts when I could easily go home and get a completely new change of clothes."   
"Good choice." Dean then pulled him into the shower. "Just take the damn shirt, Cas. It's a shirt."   
"And it's yours," Castiel pointed out as Dean poured shampoo into his hands. "Plus, I'd be wearing pants that have a little bit of paint on them. Students might notice."   
"Who cares if they do?" Dean shook his head a little, switching Castiel places so that Castiel could rinse his hair off. "It's a pair of pants, man. Just wear them and take the shirt. If anybody points out the paint on your lower half, then they shouldn't be looking." Dean smiled and snuck a kiss from Castiel before turning around to grab the body wash. Casual, his ass. No one was going to take his Castiel.


	7. 6: Not Romantic

At lunch time, Dean found himself with his arms full of Castiel, soft lips pressing against his. A smile toyed with the corners of his mouth after they pulled apart. "You can't stay away, can you?" Dean teased, grabbing the arms of Castiel's glasses and tugging them off of his face. He slid them onto his own nose and grinned down at Castiel, who was rolling his eyes.   
"Whatever makes you think you're in Heaven," Castiel replied sarcastically. "Let's go out for lunch."   
"Casual lunch," Dean teased again, still wearing Castiel's glasses. His arms slid around Castiel's waist. "Not romantic."   
"Not romantic," Castiel agreed. He stepped closer to Dean. "We're breaking school rules by being this close. PDA."   
"We're teachers, Cas. We get to bend the rules." Sneaking a kiss, Dean slid one hand up Castiel's back, relishing in the fact that Castiel was wearing his shirt. "Now let's go."   
Without moving Castiel's glasses off his face, Dean pulled on his jacket and shoved his wallet, phone, and keys in his pocket. Castiel was already wearing his jacket, like he knew Dean would agree. "Back door?"   
Dean nodded and laughed when Castiel took his hand and tugged him out of the classroom and down the hall. They ducked past doors of classrooms with students in them and out the back door, heading for Dean's car. Once Dean was settled in behind the wheel, Castiel reached over and slid his glasses off of Dean's nose and onto his own, turning around to check and see if it was okay to go.   
"It's good. Hit it."   
At the words, Dean slid out of the parking space and left the school faster than he probably should have. "Where are we going?" he asked over the roar of air through the windows.   
"Somewhere cheap and good." Castiel's hand was out the window, up in the air by the hood of the car, when Dean looked over at him. Both of them were smiling when their gazes caught, making them realize this was really the happiest they'd been in a month. They could see it in the other's eyes easily. "And fast. We don't have long."   
Dean nodded. "Fast food, then."   
"Perfect. Hurry it up, I'm hungry."   
***   
"You're a dick," Castiel laughed as he wiped the red smear of ketchup off of his cheek with a napkin, then wiped it on Dean's cheek. "And this is a date."   
"A casual date!" Dean argued, wiping a fry on his cheek, then wiping his cheek with his hand after putting the fry in his mouth. He caught Castiel's disgusted look and shrugged as he swallowed. "You said you wanted the relationship casual, Cas, and I'm respecting it."   
"And wiping ketchup off of your cheek with a french fry. Very casual, Dean."   
"I pride myself in my casual air," Dean chuckled, squeezing the hand that was in his over the top of the desk.   
They were sitting in his classroom facing each other behind his desk, their hands resting on the desk, the food sitting between them on the desk as well. Dean honestly wasn't sure when their hands had come together, but they had and that was what mattered. Castiel picked up the shared cup of Coke that they were sharing and took a drink before handing it over to Dean, who took a pull and smiled as he set it down again.   
"I should probably get out of your room before the kids start flooding in, shouldn't I?" Castiel smiled, leaning toward Dean. "They'll think something is up."   
"Let them think," Dean grinned, leaning in and catching Castiel's lips happily. "It's good for their minds. We should clean our mess up, though."   
"Maybe," Castiel smiled, leaning in to kiss Dean again. "You taste like salt."   
"Well, we did just have salty food." Dean whispered in response, opening his eyes after Castiel pulled away. He grabbed the empty white paper bag and unlaced his fingers from Castiel's reluctantly. He made a quick job of putting the trash into the bag and then into the trash can simply so that he could sneak in at least a minute of kissing before his students came in. "Come here." Dean smiled, holding a hand out to Cas, who had just put the chair he'd borrowed from a desk back in its place.   
Castiel obeyed with a smile and slipped into Dean's embrace easily. Dean lowered his lips to Castiel's with a soft, unexpected grunt. "Text me during prep," he whispered. "I just have to monitor a test today, so I'm bored."   
"Will do," Castiel replied. "Now kiss me, you idiot."   
Dean happily adhered to Castiel's demand.   
***   
At the end of the day, Castiel rode back to Dean's place with Dean, holding his hand the whole way. Dean parked in his usual space and the unbuckled, but Dean kept Cas in the car. He slid over to the middle of the bench seat and smiled, leaning close to Castiel.   
"I'll miss you tonight," he whispered as their noses brushed against each other. Castiel's eyes were as blue as the sky today and they reflected Dean's eyes back at him. "I'm not lying." Castiel smiled at Dean and tugged him down for a soft, anything but casual, kiss.   
Dean was in Heaven with this guy. He was head over heels, a honeymooner, crazy with unknown love, and he loved it. He hadn't felt this way in almost seven years, ever since the honeymoon period of the relationship with Lisa was over.   
After a few minutes of heated making out, Castiel pulled away from Dean and smiled. "Have a good night, Dean. I'll text you." His fingers curled a little, his fingernails dragging gently and soothing against Dean's scalp.   
"You'd better," Dean grinned, taking one last kiss before they had to get out of the car and Castiel had to head home. He smiled and blew a joking kiss at Castiel, who rolled his eyes and caught it, stuffing his fist in his pocket afterward.   
Dean watched Castiel leave before going up to his apartment alone and happy for the first time in a while. He dropped onto the couch with a beer and a grin, settling back with a sigh. "Heya, Sammy," he greeted, glancing over at the other end of the couch to see his brother sitting there with a knowing smile on his lips. Dean rolled his eyes and took a swig of his beer. "Don't look so smug, bitch."   
"You've met someone, jerk." Sam turned toward him, one leg coming up on the couch. It landed on Dean and Dean pushed it away, but Sam wouldn't budge. "Spill. I'm your brother; I'm supposed to know everything about you whether you want me to or not."   
Dean sighed. "It's the art teacher. Cas. Cas is better than Lisa. A million times better, actually, and I've only known him for about a month."   
"Whoa. Did you say him?" Sam stared at Dean with one eyebrow raised under his fringe. Dean always told him he needed it cut. "Dude. Finally."   
"Finally?" Dean laughed, getting over his shock. He hadn't meant to let it spill. Sam hadn't know that he was bisexual. "You knew?"   
"Dean, you stared at every ass and flirted with everyone. It's a miracle anyone didn't see it. Hell, man, Jess even knew too."   
"Whatever, it wasn't everyone! You're over exaggerating."   
Sam laughed and rolled his eyes. "Just keep talking. Gimme a chick flick description."   
Dean continued talking about Castiel with his brother until about 7 p.m., when he decided he needed to check his phone and talk to Castiel. Cas was probably worried.   
Dean? Are you okay? It's been two hours. Did you fall asleep? With a smile, Dean replied that he'd just been busy and he was free to talk now.   
The next time Dean looked up, Sam was gone. "Not even a goodbye, bitch?" Dean announced to the apartment, getting his empty beer bottle knocked over in response. "Whatever. Have fun doin' whatever you go do, brother."   
Dean smiled again and looked back down at his phone, waiting for his reply from Castiel and thinking about his brother.   
Sam had died a little over a year ago. A pipe had broken in the small dorm apartment he shared with his girlfriend, Jess, and there had been an explosion. Both Sam and Jess had died. Dean had been torn up beyond compare, and had fallen into a bout of depression and anger. Two months later, Lisa had told Dean she was pregnant. That was right after Dean used an oujia board for the first time and received a response from his brother.   
Sam hadn't gone away. He'd showed up again that night when Dean was sitting on the couch, mulling over that he'd been told, while Lisa slept in the bedroom. That's when Dean had been confused and frightened, but a few days later, after multiple visits, he got used to it. he even got closer to Sam than they had been when Sam was alive. Sam seemed to be glued to him, but was able to jump around and go other places without any trouble. It was like Dean had just summoned him back into the world without meaning to.   
Dean's phone buzzed and pulled him out of his thoughts. Cas was calling him. Why was he calling him?   
Without another second, Dean hit answer and lifted the phone to his ear. "Cas?"   
"Ah, so he is alive." A scratchy, medium-pitched voice replied over the line. It made Dean smile. "You're very distant."   
"Sorry about that," Dean sighed. "I got an unexpected visit and then I was thinking. I didn't mean to scare you if I did."   
"You didn't scare me. You may have worried me a little, but I wasn't scared." There was a small rustle, like Castiel was adjusting his phone.   
"What are you doing?" Dean asked with genuine curiosity.   
"Laying in bed." Castiel's voice had a hint of a smile. "What are you doing?"   
Dean laughed. "Sitting on the couch." He leaned back into the cushions. "I'm seriously contemplating going to lay in bed now, though."   
Castiel laughed. "Do it. I'll be able to imagine that better."   
"Oh, that's totally fair. I don't know what your bed looks like. You know what my whole apartment looks like."   
"Not the whole apartment! I know what the bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, and living room look like."   
"Exactly. The whole apartment," Dean grinned, standing up from the couch and grabbing his bottle from the table. He tossed it into the trash in the kitchen with a small clatter and then went into his bedroom, all the while talking with Castiel. He put Cas on speakerphone as he got ready for bed, then settled down with the lights off and the covers over him to keep him warm, still talking on the phone. "You know, your phone voice is really nice," Dean offered to break a silence.   
"My phone voice?"   
"Yeah. You know, that voice that the phone creates?"   
Castiel paused, seemingly thinking for a second, then huffed a laugh. "Yours is nice too."   
"Thank you."   
"You're welcome, you idiot."   
"Hey! No name calling, man."   
"Whatever, dork," Castiel replied sarcastically. Dean laughed. "You know, I could paint a million paintings with that laugh as my inspiration."   
A blush crept up Dean's neck. "Shut up," he whispered lovingly, eyes closing. He didn't take compliments like that well.   
Not too long later, Dean was having trouble keeping his eyes open. He closed them and listened to Castiel as he spoke, gradually sliding into sleep. His dreams involved Castiel and their activities from the night before.


	8. 7: Weekends

On Friday night, Castiel spent the night with Dean again. They started the night off with a cheesy older movie that Castiel loved, one that Dean had never seen before but found interesting. While they watched the movie, Dean and Castiel sat as close together as they could on the couch, sneaking little kisses and whispering critiques to each other. Near the middle of the movie, Dean buried his nose in Castiel's mussed hair, eyes still trained on the television.   
He felt Castiel's hand raise from his knee and run up his shoulder and his neck gently, curling around the back of his neck. Castiel's thumb traced along Dean's hairline. It was probably the most soothing thing Dean had ever felt.   
After that, they went to bed, and didn't do much else other than lay with each other and whisper softly. Castiel rested with his head on Dean's chest and his hand resting in Dean's on Dean's stomach, while Dean lay with his arm curled around Castiel's lithe body. Their legs were a tangled mess under the covers and the smiles on their faces were ones that they both wished would stay for their lifetimes.   
While Dean listened to Castiel's slow, smooth, even breathing and stared at the black ceiling, he thought. He thought about what Sam had told him on Wednesday night and what had happened afterward, then thought about the day after the phone call and the teasing Castiel had done. His smile crept onto his face again, and he felt Castiel move a little closer in the silence, the rustling of sheets the only truly audible sound in the whole place. Suddenly, Dean loved the sound of sheets sliding against a solid form and he loved the feeling of skin on skin even more than before.   
"Cas, are you awake?" he whispered, eyes on the man that was practically curled around him like a snake.   
"No," Castiel rumbled, his hand tightening in Dean's. He smiled and looked up at Dean through his eyelashes. "What's going on?"   
"I don't think I can keep this casual." Dean smiled, pushing the hand from the arm that was pinned under Castiel through that dark brown mess Cas called his hair.   
All Castiel did was scoff and smile tiredly at Dean before closing his eyes and laying his head down again. "Good," he whispered after a few agonizing seconds. "I was wondering how long it would take you to admit it."   
Dean laughed slightly and tugged on Castiel's hair to move his head a little. He somehow maneuvered his way down a little to kiss the art teacher. "So you're not mad?"   
"Why would I be mad when I feel the same way?" Castiel whispered against Dean's lips, propping himself up on his elbow so that it was easier for Dean. "Casual relationships aren't that easy."   
Dean couldn't stop his grin. "Nothing has ever been truer than that." They kissed a few more times before Castiel yawned and Dean made him lay down again.   
***   
Around five a.m., Dean woke up from a dream and couldn't fall back to sleep. He lay there, listening to Castiel breathing and the sounds on the street outside of the window beside the bed. After a minute, he sat up a little. A smile slid across his mouth when he saw Castiel laying next to him, arms wrapped around the pillow.   
"Why weren't you curled up on me?" Dean jokingly whispered, one hand reaching out in an attempt to tame Castiel's unruly locks. He smiled and admired the soft, satiny strands of hair ad nauseam. He ran them between his index finger and thumb gently and loosely. When Castiel's hair ended up messier from Dean playing with it, Dean chuckled. He couldn't find it in himself to be sorry. After all, Castiel's hair was adorable when it was messy like it was currently. Dean's hand ran from Castiel's hair to his shoulder, then down his arm.   
God, Cas was beautiful.   
Every freckle and mole on Castiel's arms and the back of his neck just added to that, too. The soft morning light that was filtering in through the window augmented it as well, to the point that Dean wanted to create some device to still time to forever be in that moment.   
With his hand settled on Castiel's upper arm, Dean smiled and wiped at his eye gently. There was the residue of sleep left.   
Dean's thumb moved a little on Castiel's bicep and Castiel stirred slightly. Dean looked over, hand suspended in the air by his cheek, and smiled lovingly when Castiel mumbled something incoherently and burrowed deeper into the pillow. Dean then grabbed his phone and checked the time. It was 5:30 now. He'd spent half an hour admiring Cas. "Damn," he whispered, sighing. With another smile, Dean leaned down and kissed Castiel's clothed shoulder, then his pretty little stubble-covered cheek, before sliding out from under the covers.   
By the time Castiel finally woke, Dean had made breakfast and drained his first cup of coffee.   
He heard a small shuffling and a loud yawn and laughed, turning around just in time to see Castiel slowly making his way into the kitchen, using the wall for support. His eyes were closed. Dean grinned and moved quickly to sneak up in front of Cas, stealing a kiss as he slid his arms around that thin waist. Castiel leaned into him and into the kiss with a soft noise that resembled a moan.   
"Coffee," Castiel mumbled, pulling away from Dean slowly. "I need it. Take me to it."   
Dean obeyed, handing Castiel a mug and uncapping the small pot of sugar for him. "Sweet," Dean smiled, leaning against the counter and watching Castiel. Castiel put three spoonfuls of sugar in the mug and stirred it hastily, taking a sip immediately after and letting out a sigh. "Better?"   
"Better." Castiel took another long drink before setting the mug down and moving toward Dean with open arms. Dean took one of his hands and curled his own free hand around the back of Castiel's neck, accepting the sweet- literally- kiss that Castiel placed on his lips. "Good morning, Dean."   
Dean admired Castiel's aegean blue eyes close up and blinked slowly. "Good morning."   
***   
They spent most of their day inside, lounging around and talking, sipping coffee, watching television, and reading. Their pajamas were on until about noon, when they both couldn't keep their hands off of each other and ravished each other until they couldn't breathe on the floor of the living room.   
That's where they were when Dean noticed the black ink on Castiel's side. He propped himself up on his elbow and let his fingers trail over the slightly raised skin. "Tattoo?" he whispered, looking back at Castiel, who was watching him with that blank expression. "What is it?"   
"Lyrics," Castiel smiled in the slightest. "They're not important."   
"You've got them permenantly engraved into your body, Cas. They have to have some kind of importance." Dean continued to let his fingers gently brush against the tattoo. "Can I look at it?"   
Castiel just stared at him, his eyes holding all of his emotion. Conflicting emotion, that is. A few seconds later, he sighed and nodded.   
Dean smiled and kissed him lightly, shifting so that he was straddling Castiel's hips. "Might as well make it enjoyable for you, hm?" He winked and bumped his nose against his partner's before lifting Castiel's arm so he could look at the tattoo.   
It really was a simple tattoo. The black ink was a handwriting similar to Castiel's, only a little more blocky and in all uppercase letters. The design stretched across Castiel's ribs and read 'MY OLD HEART AIN'T GAINING NO GROUND BECAUSE MY ANGEL EYES AIN'T HERE.'   
Dean stared at it for a minute before looking back up at Castiel and chuckling slightly. He leaned up and kissed a trail from Castiel's shoulder, going along his collarbone and up his neck and jaw. Once he finished that, he kissed Castiel's lips and whispered against Castiel's pliant lips. "My angel eyes is right here."   
"Dean," Castiel mumbled, his hands running up Dean's back as they had just minutes before. "Baby."   
"Yeah, babe?" Dean kissed Castiel's jaw lightly again.   
"Do you want an explanation?" Cas breathed the words like he was having trouble. Dean pulled away and felt his smile disappear when Castiel's eyes met his. They were showing an unacceptable amount of sadness.   
"If you're up to it, Cas. I don’t want you to do anything you don't want to." Dean whispered, pressing what he hoped was a soothing kiss to the man's lips. Castiel returned the kiss graciously, so Dean guessed that it was just what Castiel had needed. "Do you want me to- uh..." Dean gestured to their position and Castiel simply shook his head, pushing himself up a little. Soon enough, he was sitting with Dean straddling his waist and in his lap. Arms wove around Dean and he smiled slightly, letting his fingers gently weave into Castiel's soft hair. He started to play with it again.   
"I got the tattoo when I was drunk. I wrote down the lyrics in some cheesy old-timey bar, back when I didn't even know who Ella Fitzgerald was- yes, those are Ella Fitzgerald lyrics- and I took them to the tattoo parlor next door and ordered that he see me right away and give me my tattoo. I apparently said I didn't care what the font was or what else he put there, I only cared that he put the lyrics. So he did just that, in the same font that I'd written in. Obviously," Castiel chuckled slightly, "my writing changes a bit when I'm drunk."   
"It's a drunk tattoo?" Dean asked, raising one eyebrow.   
"Well, kind of. There's a deep story to why I was drunk. My- uh- my parents' house went up in flames- some serial arsonist- and my mother and father died. I'd been close to them and, only a few nights before, we'd gotten in a fight. A big fight. Monstrous." Castiel choked on his words and Dean sucked in a breath, wanting to wipe his baby's tears away and cradle him in his arms and never let the world- the evil fucking world that would do this to Castiel- hurt him again. "Then they were ripped from me and I just- fuck-" Castiel closed his eyes and sighed. Dean hadn't heard him curse that much. It broke his nerve and he gently wiped Castiel's cheeks with his thumbs and slid his arms around Castiel's shoulders, softly shushing him and rubbing his back. "I broke and then I heard that song and somehow it connected and then the tattoo parlor was right there."   
"I get it," Dean whispered, kissing Castiel's cheek. "I understand. Breathe, baby..."   
Once Castiel was in control again, Dean wiped his cheeks and curled his hands around Castiel's cheeks, leaning forward to press another kiss to his lips. God, he couldn't keep off of this guy.   
"Dean," Castiel sighed once Dean pulled away, their foreheads together and their noses bumping against each other.   
"Do you want to stay here one more night?"   
Castiel's eyes showed relief. "Yes."   
Dean smiled and kissed Castiel's soft lips one more time. "Come on, you need a distraction. Let's shower."   
***   
After they got out of the shower, they fell into bed. Castiel was wearing a pair of Dean's boxers and one of Dean's old t-shirts- a worn, faded, soft Metallica one. Dean was clad in a pair of pajama pants and his own t-shirt and that was it. They lazed there together, mostly silent, save for a few comments they shared. Once their hair was dry and they were growing restless, Dean sat up and grabbed his phone, checking it quickly. Castiel sat up along with him, smirking slightly.   
"Thought you said no phones, Dean."   
"Oh, shut up, I was getting it for a different reason anyway." Dean laughed, winking at Castiel. He clicked the camera app without letting Castiel know and grinned, turning his phone and saying "Make a face!"   
Castiel looked up with a confused expression, his lips parted, eyes squinty, brow furrowed, and his head tilted. It was too adorable for Dean not to take the picture. "Perfect." Dean grinned, grabbing Castiel's arm and yanking him into a gentle kiss. "Just like you."   
When Dean raised the phone to take a picture of Castiel's blush, Castiel stuck his tongue out. Dean laughed again and yelped when he was suddenly tumbling backward with a weight on top of him. "Cas!" he gasped, then broke into laughter. "Hey!"   
"Hey yourself!" Castiel replied in a laugh, dropping his mouth onto Dean's. "Give me the phone!"   
"No way!"   
"Give me the god damn phone!"   
"Fine," Dean sighed after another deep kiss. "But no deleting anything!"   
"I wouldn't dream of it." Castiel sat back on Dean's hips and Dean sat up, watching Castiel fumble slightly with the phone. "Aha! There we go."   
"What, the front camera?" Dean frowned a little at him, then grinned. "Oh, no you don't."   
"Oh, yes I do." Castiel grinned back, shifting in Dean's lap and sending a jolt through Dean's spine. "Let's be like our students."   
"What, and take selfies and make those dumb faces?"   
"Exactly!"   
Dean laughed at Castiel's enthusiasm and rolled his eyes. "Whatever will make you happy, babe."   
Castiel kissed Dean one more time before settling down between Dean's legs and handing Dean the phone. Dean let Castiel direct the shots and adjust the camera to the angles that made them look best. He even told Dean to take some, but then shook his head slightly and smiled like he was just slightly exasperated, but found Dean's picture taking simplicity adorable.   
"You know," Dean spoke between pictures, watching Castiel in the screen on the phone to know where to position it, "you look really nice in my boxers."   
"They're too big," Castiel pointed out.   
"Yeah, and that makes them sag a little, but it looks really hot on you." Dean smiled, his eyes moving to the real Cas that was seated between his legs and was leaning against him. His thumb hit the screen and he cursed softly, smiling anyway. That one would probably be his favorite of all of them. "Come here, closer," he whispered, tugging on the back of the borrowed shirt that Cas was wearing. "Let's take a cheesy couple picture."   
Blue eyes locked on green as Castiel smiled. His lips cut into his cheeks when he did that and it made Dean want to smile back. So he did, and as he did, he took a picture. "Whoops," he whispered jokingly. As Dean leaned in, he took another picture, then took another as they kissed. he pulled away, but Castiel's hand raised and tugged him back while curling around his neck. Dean moaned softly and didn't feel his thumb continuing to hit the button until his thumb stayed on it and the phone slid out of his hand. It fell onto the wadded up sheet, discarded, as Dean and Castiel got more into each other.


	9. 8: Another First

In the morning, Dean snatched his phone from the bedside table without waking Castiel. Yet again, he was awake before the art teacher and just after the sun and couldn't get back to sleep. This time, though, Castiel's arm was slung over Dean's clothed chest and his head was resting right next to Dean's on the pillow. Castiel's leg was also wrapped around Dean's leg, but that was under the blanket and out of the shot, sadly. Dean smiled and took the picture, his eyes closed and his head turned toward the sleeping man next to him.  
Once that was done, Dean decided to look at the pictures from yesterday. His hand gently rested on Castiel's bicep, numb from being under the guy all night, but still functional. Dean's other hand hit the button that took him to the camera gallery and he hit the picture he had just taken.  
Silently, Dean admitted to himself that it was- to put it simply- the best picture he owned.  
That was until he saw the next picture. It was kind of dark picture, but it looked like someone had turned on the lamp beside them without waking them.  
It was a simple shot from above, from the very edge of the blankets wadded up near their waists, to the headboard of the bed. Dean's white t-shirt was riding up a little, showing a small patch of tanned skin, and his free arm was dangling off the side of the bed while the other stayed curled around Castiel's shoulder. Dean's head was turned toward Cas and his profile was obvious in the picture. His lips were parted, his eyes were closed, and somehow, Dean's freckles were popping out against the dark pillowcase. Castiel, however, looked even better. He was curled up next to Dean, his arm slung across Dean's chest as it was as Dean looked at the picture. His hand was gathered up in Dean's t-shirt and made it look like he was tugging it up even more. Castiel's head was turned toward Dean as well, his lips parted from the way his cheek was smashed against the pillow. (That made Dean grin. He could very easily look over and see that at that moment, too.) Castiel's chest swelled slightly and made it seem like he was sucking in a breath. All in all, the picture was just a simple one of the duo sleeping, but it meant a lot to Dean.  
Sam had obviously taken the picture. After all, Dean and Castiel were both asleep in the picture, and no one had broken into the apartment in the middle of the night. Dean would have heard that. It was Sam's little way of showing he was okay with the relationship Dean held with Castiel.  
That meant a lot.  
Castiel groaned slightly and cuddled closer to Dean, his arm tightening around the English teacher's torso. Dean smiled down at him and kissed his forehead lightly, whispering, "Go back to sleep, Cas," after he got a glimpse of pretty blue eyes.  
"If you're 'wake, why can't I be?" Castiel smiled, his mouth against Dean's shoulder. His logical remark made Dean roll his eyes and sigh dramatically. "What're you doin'?"  
"Looking at the pictures from yesterday," Dean mumbled, his hand moving just a little on Castiel's arm.  
"Ah, the selfies."  
"Yeah, sure, the selfies."  
"What one do you like best?"  
"The last ones," Dean decided after flipping through them again. "It's, like, the last five pictures."  
"What ones are those?" Castiel asked, picking at the seam of Dean's t-shirt. He was sliding out of his charming sleepy state and into coherence. Dean moved back to the ones of them kissing and smiled, flipping through them to show Cas. "I can see why you like them," Castiel mumbled, doing the impossible and moving himself closer to Dean. "You should send them to me."  
"Email?"  
"Yeah. Easier." Castiel kissed Dean's shoulder lightly. "All of them."  
"Even the first ones I took of you?"  
Castiel made a fake disgusted noise. "No way. Gross." Dean laughed as Castiel slowly rolled away from him. "Dean-"  
Dean sat up as Castiel did, still flipping through the pictures on the phone. When Cas said his name, Dean glanced over at him. He was scrubbing at his eye with his knuckle, his other hand on the blanket, picking at it. "Yeah?"  
"I know it's early and you probably don't want to talk about this at six a.m. on a Sunday," Castiel sighed, looking down. "Hell, I don't even want to talk about it. But, uh- Do you- do you think we're moving a little fast?"  
Dean grimaced. "What do you mean?"  
"Like our relationship. Do you think we're moving too fast? I mean, we went from fellow teachers, to acquaintances, to friends with benefits in a way, to hating each other, then to friends. And now we're here again. Hooking up."  
Dean felt a small ounce of dread settle in his stomach. "Hooking up?" he asked softly. "We're just- uh- hooking up, aren't we?"  
Castiel was looking up now, staring at Dean in horror. "Oh, God, no, no, no. Not just hooking up. I just- uh- shit- fuck!" Castiel's hand slammed down on the bed. "I'm bad with words, okay? I mean that now we're together. Together is the word I was looking for." He was in front of Dean now, sitting on his feet and with his hands on Dean's bent knees. "We're together. Not hooking up or something dumb like that."  
All Dean did was nod. Better.  
"Do you think we're going too fast?" Castiel repeated himself for the third time. "Be honest."  
With a bit of thought, Dean shook his head. "I think we're going at just the right speed for us. Yeah, sure, it may seem rushed, but Cas, I liked you when I first saw you. We've already acted completely like a couple even when we weren't a couple. It's not too fast if you know what you're doing."  
"Do we know what we're doing, though?" Apprehension was splattered all over Castiel's face.  
"Yes, Cas, we do." Dean smiled reassuringly, letting his hands rise to comb through Castiel's hair gently. "We do."  
***  
Sunday was a little more productive than Saturday.  
Even though they spent a majority of the morning in bed, they both got up and started cleaning up their messes from the day before- specifically their clothing scattered around the apartment and the abandoned plates in the sink. As they washed the dishes, Dean scooped bubbles up in his palm and blew them at Castiel, who whipped him with the towel in his hand. Dean laughed and grabbed Castiel's cheeks with his wet hands, kissing him roughly before just letting go and turning back to the dishes. Castiel jumped him again, the towel around Dean's hips with one end of the towel in each hand. He grinned and let Castiel attack his neck as he washed a plate.  
"Cas," he moaned softly, his head tilting. "Cas, I thought we decided-"  
"Screw what we decided." Castiel's voice rumbled in Dean's ear. "I want you."  
So, of course, Dean let Castiel have him. After all, how could he resist a voice like that whispering things like that in his ear?  
Once that was over, Dean redressed his lower half and stood up with a now fully-clothed Castiel to finish the dishes.  
After that, they moved on to showering and changing again, Castiel into his own clothes (that he wore for a short amount of time the day before) and Dean into his favorite comfortable outfit. They went on a walk in the middle of the city, Dean being greeted by many people, to Dean's favorite coffee shop. Once inside, Dean smiled and snatched up Castiel's hand. "Look familiar?"  
Castiel just smiled at him. "We were upstairs that first night. It's a coffee shop?"  
"Hell yeah," Dean grinned. "One of Lawrence's best. And Benny here is the best barista there is."  
Benny obviously heard Dean over the few people in front of them. "Shut up, Dean, brotha'. You know Charlie's better."  
Dean laughed and squeezed Castiel's hand. "What do you want to get? It's my treat."  
Castiel looked up at Dean and shook his head. "I've stayed at your house all weekend, Dean, it's my treat. Least I can do is buy my boyfriend late lunch."  
Dean rolled his eyes. "Cas-"  
"Dean," Castiel's voice was stern. "I'm buying it. Either that or I'll slip the money into your pocket."  
Dean sighed and shot Castiel a slight glare. "You used your damn teacher voice. How am I uspposed to win when you use the teacher voice?"  
"You aren't supposed to," Castiel smiled, taking the victory as his own. "Get whatever you want." He planted a kiss on Dean's cheek, making Dean grin and playfully elbow him in the ribs.  
Around an hour later, they were both leaning toward each other, smiling and sipping on mugs of butterscotch coffee (Dean's favorite guilty pleasure, aside from episodes of Dr. Sexy MD, something he found out Castiel liked over the weekend. Man, had that made the guy more attractive.) and picking at a plate of fries.  
"We have to work tomorrow," Dean sighed after a sip of the sweet coffee. "That means more evasive manners."  
"No clinging onto you," Castiel muttered, looking at Dean over the blue rim of his mug. "No random making out. No random sex."  
"Exactly," Dean grabbed his spoon and stuck it in the remainder of his steaming coffee, stirring it slowly. He watched the whirlpool he'd created. "I'm gonna miss it."  
"Maybe..." Castiel trailed off, his eyes rising from staring at Dean's movements to stare into Dean's eyes. "Maybe next weekend you could come to my house? You haven't seen it yet, but I figure you might want to."  
Dean smiled, nodding. "I'd love to." He stuck the spoon in his mouth upside down, eyes on Castiel's as he drew it out of his mouth again with the handle pinched between his forefinger and thumb. He caught sight of Castiel's lips twitching a little and smirked, his eyes lifting back to Castiel's. "It's a date. Next weekend, your house."  
Castiel smiled and took another drink of his coffee, both hands wrapped around the mug. Dean was distracted by a group walking into the shop, catching sight of a familiar face in the four people walking in.  
"Shit," he whispered, turning back to look at Cas. "Students. I'm pretty sure you have a few of them, too."  
Castiel frowned and sighed, looking over at the door.  
"Don't look!" Dean whisper-yelled, grabbing Castiel's forearm. "They'll definitely see us then. Try to act normal."  
"Dean, you're being ridiculous. Why are you acting so weird?"  
"Dean?" A feminine voice said, and Dean cursed under his breath.  
"Lisa," he turned, with a small smile on his face. "Hey."  
"Hey!" Lisa smiled, and Dean couldn't help himself from feeling sad. She was so happy. "How are you?"  
Shitty, Dean thought, but didn't say. "I'm good, I'm good," he lied, keeping that smile on. "How are you?"  
"Good. Tired, of course. Ben's quite the crier."  
"Where is the little tyke?"  
"He's at his grandparents. Victor-" she hooked her thumb over her shoulder, to a dark skinned man behind her, talking with the other two they'd walked in with- "and I are out on a double date. Figured we needed some time or we'd go crazy." Lisa laughed, and Dean felt his chest compress in on itself.  
"Yeah, you probably would. Have you gone back to work?"  
"No," she shook her head. "Not quite yet. I've still got a while. What're you doing out and about?" She said it like she was shocked he was even alive.  
"Oh, I'm- uh- out with a friend," Dean smiled at Castiel, who was frowning slightly. "Cas, this is Lisa. Lisa, Cas."  
"Nice to meet you, Cas." Lisa held out her hand, and Castiel took it with a little more force than Dean supposed he meant to.  
"Nice to meet you too, Lisa."  
"I should probably get back to the group. Victor flounders without me as a balance." She grinned again. Her eyes were glowing, and it broke Dean inside. "It was good to see you two."  
"You too, Lis, you too."  
Dean silently watched her walk away and watched her interact for a second before turning back to Castiel. He was glaring at Dean.  
"What?" Dean asked, immediately going on the defense. "What did I do?"  
Sighing, Castiel slid out of his seat. "I'm going to go pay. I'll be back, then we can leave."  
Dean watched Castiel walk up to the register, a lump growing in his throat. They'd paid when they'd gotten their food and drinks.  
Cas was chatting idly with Benny, handing him a few dollars. It was like he was getting information form Benny or something, but that thought left Dean's mind as soon as it arrived. He was mostly worried.  
Dean knew he'd done something wrong, but he didn't realize what. All he knew was that he'd infuriated Castiel and that he was infuriated at himself for even letting Lisa acknowledge him and for playing nice. If he'd played angry, or even sad, she would have gone away faster. She wouldn't have chatted about Ben or about Victor, or looked at Dean with that pity filled look that Dean thought he'd gotten through and left in the past. Maybe she would have completely ignored him.  
Castiel came back to the table and smiled- it was very fake- at Dean. "Let's go."  
Dean bit his lip and nodded, taking one last drink of the coffee before they left the café. They exited into the dim light and chill of October. Dean reached for Castiel's hand, but Cas pulled it away slowly, like he was contemplating whether he was mad enough at Dean that he couldn't touch him. It seemed he was.  
Castiel was cold to him the whole way back to the apartment. Once they were inside, Castiel marched to the bedroom and started packing his bag, stuffing his clothes into it angrily. Dean stood in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe, hands in his pockets and chewing his lip.  
Castiel started to walk past Dean with his bag slung over his shoulder, but Dean stopped him by pushing his arm across the doorway. Castiel tried to duck and Dean frowned, closing the door and standing in front of the knob.  
"No," was all Dean said for a second, an angry expression on his face. Finally, after about a minute, he spoke up. "Jesus fucking Christ, Cas, tell me what I did wrong."  
"You're a dick, Dean. That's it. Okay? Now let me fucking leave."  
"No!" Dean shouted, then sighed. He scrubbed his hand across his mouth with his eyes closed before opening them and staring at Castiel pleadingly. "Tell me what the fuck I did wrong so I can fix it."  
"You can't fix it, Dean. You hear me?"  
"What's so fucking wrong that I can't fix it?"  
"Dammit, Dean," Castiel threw his bag on the bed again and walked up to Dean, getting in his face. He pointed a finger at his chest. "You fucking introduced me as your friend, Dean."  
Shit.  
"Just a friend. Just a fucking friend." Castiel leaned forward as he spoke, his finger jabbing into Dean's chest. "Obviously you thought everything I said this morning was just a lie. That stuff about this being more than just hooking up? You obviously lied, too. 'It's not too fast if you know what you're doing.'  
"You obviously know what we're doing. We're being friendly. Best friends! Chums, amigos. You seem to think that everything we've done is just friendly stuff, right? Friendly fucking in the kitchen, friendly fucking in the bedroom and the shower. Friendly making out on the couch. Friendly sleeping in the same bed, friendly cuddling." Castiel had leaned back and had been making wild hand gestures, ones that made Dean anxious in a way. As if he needed more anxiety on top of his fear from Castiel's anger at him.  
God, he'd fucked up badly.  
Then Castiel got back in his face. Dean could feel the angry, heavy breath coming from Castiel's nose, and if he wanted to he could count every dark eyelash. Personal space had been invaded, and Castiel was only leaning closer. His nose was almost against Dean's when he finally spoke. An angry, clipped whisper assaulted Dean's ears.  
"Fuck. You. Dean. Winchester."  
Dean licked his own lips and attempted a weak smirk at Castiel. "You already have."  
Castiel scoffed. "I'm being quite fucking serious, Dean."  
"Look, Cas," Dean's voice dropped to a whisper as opposed to Castiel's shouting. "I get that I did wrong. I get that I screwed up big time. I was just panicking. Hell, I even lied to you and said Lisa was a student. I just- I didn't want to have to deal with it, okay? I didn't want you and her meeting and I didn't want to do any of that shit. I knew that as soon as she saw us I'd start making an ass of myself, and look at where the fuck we are now."  
Castiel just stared at him. "Explain."  
"Remember Tuesday, when we got together? All that shit I said in the parking lot?"  
"Yeah..." Castiel trailed off, staring at Dean. His head tilted to the side a little. "Lisa's the bitch that fucked you over." Dean could practically see the smoke whistling out of Castiel's ears. "I half want to go back down to that fucking shop and punch her. How the fuck could she hurt you like that?"  
Dean exhaled sharply through his nose. "In all honesty, I'm the one that hurt her first, Cas, she just retaliated. It's not her fault."  
"It's not about fault; it's about will. She willingly slept with Victor- I'm guessing that he was the one she slept with- and had his child. She willingly did that behind your back. I'm not going to lay that on you."  
"And I was a drunken fuck!" Dean replied. He didn't know why he was defending Lisa. All she'd done was hurt him in the end, even if she'd made him happy for such a long time. "I got drunk every night, still living in my college years. It all got worse when Sammy died, then I finally pulled myself out of it in a week before school. Okay? I still drink, just- not every night. I'm forcing myself to make it less and less."  
Castiel seemed to have gotten over his anger. His hands reached out and grabbed Dean's shoulders, tugging him into a hug. Hesitantly, Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel's torso, his chin resting on Castiel's shoulder. His eyes fell closed and his arms tightened after a second.  
"You make it hard to be mad at you," Castiel whispered against Dean's neck, his hand cradling the back of Dean's head. "It makes me even madder."  
Dean laughed softly. "It's a vicious cycle, baby."  
"Don't call me baby," Castiel grumbled against his neck. Residual anger. Dean sighed. "At least not until tomorrow."  
Dean nodded a little and let his hands brush down Castiel's back, smoothing out the inadvertently smoothing out the wrinkles in Castiel's loose blue shirt. "At least," he mumbled, pulling out of the hug. "Can I kiss you goodbye?"  
Castiel seemed to be considering it for a moment, before shaking his head a little. "Not until we get to the door. No walking me to my car, either. It's too gentlemanly."  
Dean smiled and nodded, agreeing to the terms. He watched Castiel grab his bag off of the bed again, then followed him to the door. It was a little awkward, but Dean was glad they'd stopped a big fight from happening. Once they reached the door, Dean unlocked it. Castiel reached for the doorknob, but Dean stopped him by grabbing his hand and hooking his finger under the point of Castiel's chin to tilt his head up. His lips pressed to Castiel's gently, just a small brush of lips.  
"Bye, Cas," Dean whispered, his eyes closed and his nose brushing against Castiel's. "I'll see you tomorrow, right?"  
"Tomorrow," Castiel promised. "Tomorrow for sure. Goodbye, Dean."


	10. 9: Halloween

October flew by in a blur. It was all work and Castiel for Dean.   
Halloween was interesting at the school- costume day, of course.   
Castiel had chosen to dress as Constantine, all decked out in a cheap suit, loose tie, and trenchcoat. He definitely played the part well. Dean smiled when he saw Castiel, flashing his fake police badge.   
"Somehow we managed to match, sir," Dean spoke with his most authoritative voice. "A little bit, at least."   
Castiel grinned back at Dean. "Whatever, Alex Cross. Just kiss me before students start arriving."   
Dean rolled his eyes and stuffed the badge back in his pocket before cradling Castiel's cheeks in his hands and kissing him softly. "Good morning, angel."   
"Angel?" Castiel raised an eyebrow. Dean only shrugged. "Good morning to yourself, as well." Castiel grabbed Dean's tie and yanked him down into another kiss, readjusting it as they kissed. "I'll see you at lunch."   
"I'll tell you if we have a conversation today!" Dean spoke across the classroom. Castiel waved a hand over his shoulder to let Dean know he already knew he'd be told. After all, he had started participating in the conversations in fifth period.   
Castiel was like a student in that class. He sat in with Dean every chance he got, and, boy, was Castiel good at coming up with excuses.   
One of the times, he told Dean he needed Dean's help with carrying canvases into his classroom, when in reality it was just one huge canvas that all of Castiel's students were going to make into a mural sort of project. Dean helped him carry the canvas, then chuckled a little when Castiel tugged him into the storage closet for a quick make out session. It had taken some mixture of paint that Castiel concocted to cover up the edge of the hickey on the nape of Dean's neck, peeking out from under his shirt.   
Later, on Halloween day, Castiel sat in on the conversation about family in fifth period. The topic was kind of stressful for Dean.   
He hadn't seen Sam for three days, when Sam usually showed up once or twice in as many days. It was starting to worry Dean.   
When he saw his little brother leaning against the doorframe of his classroom, Dean's hand hit Castiel's leg. He stood up, turning to Castiel and saying "Keep the conversation going and keep it in order. I'll be back," before leaving the classroom in a hurry. There were only a few minutes left.   
Luckily, Sam stuck around Dean and followed him into the bathroom. It was one that no one ever used, so Dean knew that they'd be fine to talk there.   
"I'm going as a ghost for Halloween," Sam joked, raising his arms once Dean turned on the light. "Think I'm doing a good job?"   
"Where the hell were you, man?" Dean asked, not bothering to answer Sam's question. He assumed it was rhetorical. "It's been like a year."   
"Dean, it's been no where near a year. It's been three days."   
"Yeah, a year." Dean sighed. "I was worried that you'd left again."   
Sam's head tilted. Puppy dog eyes were back in fashion with Dean's little brother. Definitely matched that shaggy hair. "Why the hell would I leave again? I've got nothing to go to."   
"Dude, you've got mom, dad, and Jess. Is that really nothing?"   
"I don't get to see mom and dad," Sam whispered, moving toward Dean a little. "I barely get to see Jess, and when I do, she doesn't notice me. Somehow, the explosion affected her even after death and in Heaven. I have nothing up there, Dean."   
Dean sighed again, wiping a hand across his eyes. "Whatever, man. Why'd you show up now? I thought you knew I was at school."   
"Obviously I knew. How else would I be talking to you right now?" Sam laughed. "And yeah, I know you have school right now. I've just been a little busy recently and wanted to stop in and tell you that everything is fine."   
Busy?   
"Busy?" Dean asked, a weird look crossing his face. "How are you too busy to come see your brother?"   
"Oh, you know, with finding out about other supernatural shit like ghosts, the afterlife gets a little busy. I've been reading up on how to take things out and learning a little more about myself. Did you know that if I wanted to and tried hard enough I could possess people? I've tried it once. It was pretty cool. They pushed me out, though."   
Dean shook his head. "You're going insane, Sammy. I have to get back to class. Come talk to me again when you've got your sense back, okay?"   
Dean left again, returning to the class and returning to Castiel's side. The conversation had somehow died a little when Dean left, so they'd called it quits and for the last five minutes of class they were having freetime. Castiel had stayed in the class to keep an eye on them, so when Dean walked in, he smiled a little at the image of Castiel sitting in his chair, decked out in his Constantine costume and with his feet propped up on Dean's desk. Dean smacked them down and ruffled Castiel's hair more when he was sure no one was looking. "I feel like I'm becoming Agent Mulder." He scoffed, running a hand through his own hair and leaning against the windowsill behind his desk. Castiel was looking at him in fascination and confusion now.   
"Why?"   
"My-" Dean started, then paused, realizing he'd sound insane if he told Castiel he had been talking to his dead little brother in the bathroom and had been talking to him for just about a year. "I just keep hearing things and seeing things that aren't there."   
"Any examples?" When Dean shook his head, Castiel smiled a little, attempting to be reassuring. It worked a bit. "I'm sure it'll pass. Maybe it's because it's Halloween."   
"It's been going on for a while, Cas." Dean crossed his arms, looking down at his feet. His dress shoes looked weird for some reason. "I'm not sure it's just Halloween."   
"Dean, just breathe. Don't let it get to you. It happens to the best of us." Castiel's foot tapped on Dean's lightly. "You're not going insane. You're too good to have that happen to you."   
Dean smiled. Whoever had brought him Castiel had done a damn fine job. "Thank you, Cas."   
"What am I for?" Castiel grinned, raising his hands a little. "I should get back to my classroom. I'll see you at the end of the day."   
"We're still on for tonight?"   
"Hell yeah," Castiel said, then frowned at himself. "I mean- uh- heck yeah."   
***   
On Halloween night, they sat on the leather couch at Castiel's house, watching cheesy old scary movies and devouring Halloween candy they had bought specifically for this occasion.   
That's when Dean found out Castiel has a problem with the movie Silence of the Lambs. For half of the movie, Castiel tried to distract Dean from paying attention by nibbling on his neck and stealing kisses from the corner of Dean's sugar-coated mouth with his own sickly sweet mouth.   
When Dean realized what Castiel was doing, he asked what was wrong. Castiel sighed and bit his own lip lightly. "I just don't like this movie. It's too... realistic for me, I guess. I prefer the cheesy, really fake ones."   
Dean laughed and nodded a little. "I understand." Sam had been the same way. "It's easier if you pay attention to the actual lines of the movie and not to the horror of it.   
"But the make up artist and the editors did so well," Castiel sighed, his hands still wandering Dean's body teasingly. "I can't just ignore that."   
"I know, I know." Dean nodded a little. His fingers curled into Castiel's hair lightly. "Do you want to change it?"   
"No, not really." Castiel shifted, throwing one leg over Dean's lap. "I just want a distraction."   
"A distraction, hm?" Dean grinned. He'd seen this movie a hundred times; he could gladly give up a hundred and one if it meant what he thought it did. "I can definitely provide one of those."   
Castiel grinned back, his lips lowering onto Dean's.   
***   
Luckily, Halloween had been a Friday, so when Dean woke up in Castiel's soft bed, a warmth curled around him, he was ecstatic. When he looked up to see Sam standing at the end of the bed, frowning down at him slightly, that mood plunged.   
"Go away," Dean whispered. "I'm having a moment."   
"Dean, no. We need to talk."   
"We can talk later. I'm naked."   
"You say that like I give a shit."   
"Go the fuck away, Sammy!" Dean waved his free hand and closed his eyes. He heard an angry sigh and a rustling.   
"Dean?" Castiel sat up a little, leaning on his elbow. "Who're you talking to?"   
Dean opened his eyes again to look up at concerned baby blues. He sighed softly and shook his head. "No one, babe. Maybe you're the one going insane now." He smiled a little and raised one hand to brush it through Castiel's sexy bedhead. Part of it was Dean's fault from the night before.   
Castiel smiled and let himself fall back onto Dean happily. "Good morning."   
"Good morning," Dean grunted, gently shoving Cas off of him and rolling over him. His legs were on either side of Castiel's waist. Dean kissed him roughly, managing to draw a long guttural moan from Castiel. The morning was wasted in bed.   
***   
Multiple hours later, both of them showered and a little tired but not tired enough to sleep, Dean was laying under Castiel and playing with his fingers. He tugged at Castiel's shirt sleeve and grinned wider, dropping a soft kiss into Castiel's damp, messy hair. He'd started to realize that Castiel's hair was barely ever tame. He nuzzled his nose into the sweet smelling hair and sighed happily.   
"Dean?" Castiel asked after a minute, his fingers laced between Dean's. After Dean grunted in acknowledgment, he continued. "Do you mind if I paint today?"   
"Of course not," Dean answered immediately. He didn't even have to think about it. He would be able to watch Castiel paint. "I don't mind at all."   
"I have another question, too." Castiel tilted his head back, smiling a little. That worried Dean. What did he want? "There's this thing that I've wanted to try for a while, but I couldn't find anyone who was comfortable with it and I think you might enjoy it a little."   
Dean frowned. "What?"   
"I want to use a person as a canvas."   
That's how Dean got into the situation two hours later, as Castiel finished painting details on his arms.   
"How the hell did you get me into this situation?"   
"Persuasion," Castiel chirped in response. "Now hold still."   
Dean looked down at Castiel with a small smile, watching him lean in close with his tongue sticking out a little, caught between his teeth.   
Dammit, Cas was so adorable.   
Dean sighed, watching as Castiel finished and stood up. Castiel had even painted his face, so unfortunately, Dean was completely on display in the picture.   
Completely. He was even naked. Castiel had refused to let any paint get on Dean's clothing, so he'd been forced to strip before they even walked into the room.   
"I hope you know that you're washing this all off of me before we do anything else." Dean grumbled, letting Castiel position his arms.   
"Yeah, I figured I would." Castiel grinned and winked at Dean playfully. "Wish I could kiss you, but this one is good. You make a wonderful canvas."   
Dean rolled his eyes. "That's the only reason you're dating me, I bet. It's all because I make a good canvas."   
"Obviously," Castiel chuckled, lacing Dean's finger together over his crotch. "Okay. Keep that position. Do not move, Dean. You hear me?"   
"Don't move, I've got it. What are you doing?"   
"Getting the camera. I have to have a picture of this before I wash it off."   
"I'm so getting you back for this." Dean sighed and closed his eyes as he waited for Castiel to come back.   
When he did, he had a Nikon in his hands and was messing with a few dials. "Are you ready?"   
"I never will be," Dean sassed. "Just get it over with."   
Castiel grinned and raised the camera. "Tilt your head to the right. Your right, Dean. Good." There was a flash. "Close your eyes, now." Another flash. "Smile for me."   
"I can't. My face is dry."   
"The first thing I'm going to do is wash your face so that I can kiss those pretty little lips of yours. Porn star lips. You hear that?"   
Dean smiled. Castiel laughed from behind the camera and snapped a picture.   
"Are we done? That's three pictures. Is it enough?" Dean sighed, relaxing a little. Castiel snapped another picture when he did. "Hey!"   
"Candid. Always good. Now, baby," Castiel stepped closer. "Eyes closed. I don't want to hurt them."   
After taking a close up of Dean's face, his torso, and his arms and legs, Castiel finally stopped and dropped the camera around his neck. He gently grabbed Dean's arms and helped him move- stiffly, since he was covered in paint- into the bathroom.   
Castiel pushed a paint stained hand through his hair gently, staring into his eyes lovingly, before declaring he was going to get some towels and that he would be back.   
Dean nodded.   
Once Cas left the room, he turned to look at himself in the full-length mirror.   
A city coursed down a long paved street on his torso. There was a drug store, a movie theater, a bakery, and more that Dean couldn't make out fading into the purple-blue night sky, the sidewalks in front of them lined with leafy green trees and shrubs. Flowers bloomed under the trees, adding dark, yet welcome, bursts of color. The night sky was sprinkled with little reddish-pinkish-yellowish stars that looked an awful lot like freckles, like they'd been strategically placed to coincide with Dean's freckles... Maybe they had. The thought made Dean smile. The sky trailed up his chest and his neck, up to his face. On the very edge of his face, just brushing against his sideburn, was a thin crescent of a moon. It was painstakingly detailed, fading in and out in the correct spots, dotted slightly. There were a million more freckle-stars on the left side of the moon, dotting themselves all over Dean's face. He swore he could see the little dipper in one of them.   
However, when Dean got to his arms, he had to position them the same way he had in the pictures to get the effect Castiel wanted.   
Somehow, Castiel had been able to make the scenery of the city fade into Dean's arms, the top of a tree in the pit of Dean's elbow, tiny flowers dotting themselves at the base of said tree along his wrist. The best part of it was the couple. Castiel had painted two proportioned people- a man and a woman- who looked to be from about the 1950s, leaning toward each other and puckering their lips for a kiss. The images were merely silhouettes, aside from the pop of their clothing. The woman wore a faded blue skirt and a white cardigan, while the man wore a white t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up and dark jeans. Dean could see the outline of the man's arms on his t-shirt.   
The attention to detail blew Dean away.   
"It's good, isn't it?" Castiel said from behind him. Dean hadn't noticed his return and jumped, turning around.   
"Yeah," he whispered. "It's beautiful."   
"I did mean to make the woman a man, y'know? Show that they were meeting in secret to show the restrictions of the time?" Castiel spoke as he stripped off his clothing. "But I accidentally made a stroke I didn't mean to, so I had to make her into a her. Sad, really. It would have been much more moving if I had made it a man."   
Dean laughed slightly and shook his head. "It's plenty moving, baby. I wish I could keep it on forever."   
Castiel laughed. "That would totally go over well at school. Halloween was yesterday, Dean. You can be a painting next year." Grinning, Castiel turned on the shower, then held out his hand to Dean. "Let's get you washed up."   
Dean grinned with difficulty. "Face first, remember? I want a kiss."   
"Face first." Castiel nodded, tightening his grip on Dean's hand as they stepped into the glass door shower together. Castiel reached out to snatch a towel from the floor as Dean hesitantly and reluctantly let the hot water hit his body. He saw the bits and pieces of the scene Castiel had created washing away, fading into a new time, a more modern time, where people were welcomed with a little more acceptance than they had been in the 50s. Dean watched the night sky fading away from his body and staining the water purple and blue and yellow.   
A hand grabbed his shoulder and gently eased him around. Castiel smiled at him.   
Dean was glad he lived in this time, suddenly, where he could be himself and not hide half of his personality.   
A soft towel brushed again Dean's face, leaving a trail of soap and soaking up some paint. Dean closed his eyes as Castiel wiped at his face, pulling away his own creation and destroying it.   
Castiel wiped Dean's face one more time before telling him to rinse it under the water. Dean did just that, and when he opened his eyes, he felt a little relieved. His face wasn't dry and stuck anymore. Castiel kissed him gently and lightly, as if he was afraid he might get paint in his mouth still. "There's still more."   
Dean smiled and nodded. "Yeah. There is. How can you destroy your art like this? It must be hard. You put so much creativity into it only to break it down into nothing again."   
"'The urge to destroy is also a creative urge,'" Castiel quoted, wiping at Dean's chest now. "Pablo Picasso said that. I'm not really destroying my own creativity, Dean. I'm making more. It's an endless cycle. Something must be destroyed to create something else."   
"It's a vicious cycle," Dean smiled, his hand brushing against Castiel's cheek. It left a smudge of watery blue. "Whoops."   
Castiel only rolled his eyes. Dean continued when he realized Cas didn't really care and grinned, painting his own picture in watery blue on Castiel's cheeks. Two stick figures, merrily walking along under a smiling sun and two fluffy, generic clouds. That was the extent of Dean's artistic abilities.   
Meanwhile, Castiel kept wiping down Dean's torso and legs, leaving his arms and neck alone for the moment. He turned Dean around so that Dean could rinse off his torso, then tugged on his leg gently, sitting on the floor of the shower and waiting for Dean to turn around. He used the towel to scrub at Dean's legs as gently as possible while still getting the grey paint off. While he did, Dean looked down at Castiel, admiring him. He was sitting with one leg bent, his foot under his thigh, and the other straight out beside Dean. He was leaning forward, concentrated on washing the paint from Dean's leg. As it usually did when he was concentrating, Castiel's tongue stuck out a little, prodding at his lip this time. Dean smiled and sighed, watching his baby wash his legs off.   
"Maybe I should let you do this more often," Dean said, scrubbing at his arms with his hands. He started up at his shoulder, not willing to destroy the people on his forearms. They were too beautiful to be eradicated. "You're good at it."   
"That's only because I'm trying," Castiel smiled up at Dean for a second before looking back down. "Any other time, I'm not really that good at this."   
Dean nodded a little, scrubbing at his arms still. "I hope you know that I want those pictures."   
"I'm going to post them, if you don't mind. I was going to talk to you about it afterward. Is that okay?"   
"Of course. People deserve to know how good you are at painting."   
Castiel just laughed and thanked Dean, setting a soft kiss on his hip before telling him to turn around and rinse his legs off.


	11. 10: The Reveal and the Afterward

"What are you doing for Thanksgiving?"   
They were walking out to their cars after work ended in the very middle of November when Castiel looked over at Dean and asked him that.   
Dean was a little taken aback. Was Castiel going to ask him to come over or something? "Oh, you know, hanging out with Sammy. Parents are long gone," Dean bit his cheek. "Not really much to do. Just hanging out with my brother."   
"Ah..." Castiel nodded a little, swinging his keys on his finger. "Wait..."   
Dean frowned and turned around when he realized Castiel wasn't walking beside him anymore. "What's wrong, Cas? Why're you staring at me like that?"   
"You said 'Sammy' died around a year ago, Dean." Castiel just stared at him, his jaw clenched visibly. "You're lying to me again."   
Dean's eyes widened. He had said that, he vaguely remembered it. "Shit, Cas, no-" Castiel walked past him anyway. Dean followed after him, trying to figure out how to explain his way out of this one. When he caught Castiel's arm, the art teacher turned on him.   
"You keep lying to me. I don't understand it, Dean. I hate being lied to and you know that. I don't understand. If you don't want to come over and meet my brother and sister on Thanksgiving, then just tell me that."   
"I want to meet them!" Dean protested, accidentally shouting.   
Castiel just stared at him. "Then tell me why you can't come over."   
"I can't come over because I have to hang out with Sammy! It's tradition, Cas. We have this thing-"   
"Liar," Castiel hissed, trying to yank his arm out of Dean's grip.   
"God dammit, Cas, listen to me. I didn't want to tell you until later on because you'll think I'm insane, but Sam is still here. My brother is still here, on this planet, just not human. You see, when I was drunk and grieving I used a oujia board and talked to my brother. He actually responded, and then he left. He left for a few days, then came back. Scared the shit out of me, I can tell you that, but he did come back. And he visits often. Thanksgiving has never been our thing, okay? We don't do the food or anything like that solely because we're just glad to have each outer. Our parents died what feels like a hundred years ago, so we raised each other and that's why I can't come over on Thanksgiving. I have to spend it with Sam, Cas. I have to. If I don't, I don't know what will happen." Dean stared into Castiel's eyes as he spoke, his hand on Castiel's forearm. His voice dropped to a whisper. "I really do want to come over, Castiel. I do, but I can't."   
Castiel was breathing heavily, staring at Dean as well. After a second, he shook his head. "You're insane, Dean. You really are insane."   
"Cas-"   
"Leave me alone for right now. I'll talk to you later. Okay?" Castiel tugged his arm out Dean's loose grip.   
Watching his baby walk to his car, Dean stood still on the sidewalk.   
He'd screwed up again, hadn't he?   
***   
Sam showed up to Dean that night while Dean was sitting in the dark, staring at the television without seeing it. He flipped on the light and Dean jumped, covering his blinded eyes with one hand. "Dude, not cool."   
"I went to talk to Castiel."   
That certainly caught Dean's attention and healed him of his momentary loss of sight. "Excuse me?" Dean stared at his brother, lips parted. "I must have heard you wrong. I thought you said you went to see my boyfriend."   
"That's what I said." Sam's face wad a blank slate as he sat down on the couch next to Dean. He looked over at Dean. "I went to see Castiel."   
"And? What the fuck did you do?"   
Sam only shrugged. "Told him that I was actually me, that I was a ghost. He didn't believe me at first, but when he threw a paintbrush at me and witnessed it passing straight through, I think he got the picture. He's a little shaken up, I think. When I left he was hiding in his bedroom."   
"You're so fucking stupid sometimes, Sam," Dean cursed under his breath, wiping a hand down his face. "Why the hell did you go talk to him? He's going to go insane-"   
"I heard your fight when you were outside the school. I was going to talk to you when you got into your car, but you were angry and shaken up. I haven't spoken to you since that day at Castiel's, so I decided it was better not to when you were so worked up. So I followed Cas home and talked to him when he got inside. How was I supposed to know he'd get pissed at me and think I was some actor you'd paid?"   
Dean scoffed. "Actor? That's petty. I wasn't lying to him."   
"And I proved it." Sam gave those stupid puppy dog eyes that Dean was anything but immune to. "I just wanted to help."   
"I know, I know," Dean grumbled, toying with his phone. He turned it over and pushed it against his knee, repeating the action over and over before finally shaking his head and stopping. "You're still a fucking idiot, Sam. He probably thinks he's going insane now, too."   
Cas, are you okay? Sammy just told me what happened. Dean typed quickly, hitting send directly after. God dammit, if Castiel didn't reply in two minutes Dean was going over there himself.   
Cas didn't reply soon enough. Dean looked up to find Sam staring at him and sighed, standing up and walking to the door. He slid into his shoes and grabbed his coat.   
"Are you coming?" Dean asked over his shoulder, opening the door.   
***   
Dean and Sam made it to Castiel's house ten minutes later, and Dean cursed when he tried to open the front door and it was locked. He pounded on the door. "Cas? Cas, open up. It's Dean." Dean kicked the bottom of the door. "Cas, it's Dean. Please. Please open the door."   
The door opened slowly, revealing a disheveled and terrified looking Castiel. Dean was frozen as soon as he saw Cas.   
"Oh, Cas," he whispered, feeling his lip tremble a little. He stepped forward and gently laid his hand on Castiel's bicep as he licked his lower lip lightly. "Come on, come on. You need to sit down."   
Castiel only let Dean steer him to the couch and sit him down. Dean sat down on the edge of the coffee table, wanting to face Castiel. "D-Dean."   
"I'm here, baby. I'm here." He gently took Castiel's hand in his, raising it to his lips as he whispered, "You see?" He kissed Castiel's knuckles lightly, keeping his eyes on the wide blue ones in front of him. "It's me. I'm here and I won't leave until you tell me it's okay."   
"I-" Castiel choked on his own words. Dean understood- he'd been the same way. Broken, confused, terrified, all of it. It was all the same.   
He shushed Castiel softly. "I know, angel, I know. Calm down. Breathe."   
Castiel 's lip trembled a little and he closed his eyes. As soon as he did, he started to lean toward Dean.   
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Dean mumbled, catching Castiel's shoulders. "Give me a second before you go pitching yourself off the couch." Arm sliding around Castiel's shoulders, Dean moved to the seat beside Castiel. Cas somehow managed to slide himself onto Dean's lap, his face pressed into Dean's shoulder. "I know you're confused and scared, babydoll," he whispered, pressing a soft kiss to Castiel's neck. "Sam's here, too. Is it okay if he lets us see him? Will you be okay?"   
Castiel nodded a little.   
"Okay. Good. Sammy?" Sam appeared next to them, sitting on the couch. "Okay. Cas, are you good?"   
Another tiny nod. Dean felt horrible for bringing this upon Castiel.   
"Okay. Good. Good. I'm going to explain. Is that okay, baby? I'll keep talking for as long as you want me to."   
Castiel didn't move. He just tightened his hand in Dean's a little when Sam touched his knee. Dean looked over to see his brother with a pained expression on his face. He started talking softly, explaining how it had felt when he'd first had his encounter with Sam.   
He'd been terrified and confused. He sure as hell wasn't moving the planchette. So when he asked who it was and it seeked out the letters S-A-M, Dean had started crying. Unmanly and embarrassing sobbing had come from Dean, complete with shaking and hiccupping. He'd merely said "No way," but the spirit messing with him moved to 'Yes.' Dean had told it "Leave me alone, bitch," and the spirit had replied "No way, jerk." That's how Dean had known it was his little brother.   
Dean continued talking softly, holding Castiel with his eyes closed. Sam interrupted occasionally, but Dean let it go. It was helping a little, in fact. Castiel's tension was melting away as he and Sam spoke, telling stories and laughing at times.   
Eventually, Castiel sat up and looked at Dean before looking over at Sam. "I- uh- I'm sorry for freaking out earlier," Castiel rasped. He looked back at Dean for about half a second. "I just- I immediately thought of my parents and I- I just-"   
Sam smiled slightly. "I understand," he said softly. "I've had thoughts about it, and I'm sure Dean has as well. It is kind of shocking, finding out about ghosts and stuff like that."   
"Stuff like that?"   
"Yeah," Sam nodded. "I've found some... other creatures, I guess. But that's a story for another day."   
***   
Dean ended up staying the night at Castiel's. Cas didn't want to be alone, seemingly afraid that he would do something stupid or not be able to sleep if he was alone.   
At one a.m., Dean woke up to an empty bed. He freaked out for a second and sat up quickly, looking around the room. After all, his baby had just had a stressful day and was now missing from bed. Of course he was going to be worried.   
Dean slid out of bed, his bare feet hitting the cold floor. He winced slightly and stood, feet sliding against the floor slightly as he walked around the bed and out of the bedroom. "Cas?" he asked sleepily, seeing a light on at the end of the hallway.   
He entered Castiel's designated art room a few seconds later, almost tripping over a canvas leaning against the wall. His hand slid against the edge of the table as he walked across the room to where Castiel was standing. "Baby, come back to bed. We have work tomorrow." Dean yawned, leaning against the edge of the wooden table his hand was resting on. "You need some sleep."   
"I'm fine," Castiel replied, his voice slightly slurred from exhaustion. "I can run on coffee. I'm in the middle of this one."   
Dean sighed and moved to Castiel's side. There was no way he was leaving Castiel awake by himself. His arms slid around Cas from behind and he looked at the painting.   
A house was on fire, collapsing in a cloud of red and orange and yellow, a cloud of black rushing out as well.   
Dean sighed again and closed his eyes, lips pressing against Castiel's neck. "Baby, you should be sleeping. That's why I stayed. I'll wake you up from the nightmares if you have them."   
"You'll wake me up when I'm already awake? The nightmares happen when I close my eyes, Dean. It's not something I can just shut on and off. I'd rather work myself into the ground before having those nightmares again. I can't take it. I don't want to take it. I've had my fair share of those stupid recurring, realistic night terrors and I do not want any more. I'll work until I pass out, and when I pass out, I won't dream. I've done it before and I can do it again."   
"Cas-"   
"Dean, I'm fine. Please, go back to bed. I'll come back in in the morning, I promise." Castiel snapped, then turned his head and pressed a short kiss to Dean's lips. It tasted bitter. "Go to sleep, Dean."   
Dean glared at Castiel out of the corner of his eye before rolling them and stepping away. His arms fell from around Castiel. "Whatever," he mumbled. "I'm just going to get my clothes back on and go, okay? I'm sorry, Cas. Text me in the morning or whenever." He pressed his own short, bitter kiss to Castiel's lips, missing and hitting his cheek, before turning around and returning to the bedroom, where he tugged his jeans on again, buttoning them angrily. He slid into his shoes and just draped his coat over his shoulders, grabbing his phone and wallet and keys off of the nightstand. He shouted another goodbye and left, shivering in the night air.   
Standing on the porch, he stared out at the darkness, regretting his decision. He should have just stayed and let Castiel be angry and tired. He should have called the school in the morning and told them that neither he or Castiel would be in to work today, sorry for the short notice, something traumatizing happened last night and Castiel needed some time and Dean wanted to be there for him. Dean turned around, taking one step forward before realizing that he was right to be leaving. Cas was being a jerk and had no real right to be. He was stressed out and confused, yeah, but that wasn't a good enough excuse. He turned around again. However, Castiel was stressed out and confused. Of course he would be angry. Dean understood that. He turned around again, facing the door. He should leave, though. He had work tomorrow and he had to sleep to do his job right. Dean turned around with a sigh.   
No more thinking. Just going home.   
There was a soft noise and a light spilled over Dean's feet, illuminating the wood of the porch. "Dean, I'm sorry," Castiel said from the door. "I didn't mean to snap."   
Dean stopped on the first step, eyes closed. "It's fine, Cas. Don't worry about it." Dean's fingers toyed with the hem of his shirt sleeve. "I'll stop by tomorrow, okay? I'll check in on you. I don't think you should go to work tomorrow."   
"Okay," Castiel replied softly. Dean felt fingers push into the hair on the back of his head. "Come back inside. I want you to stay."   
"I can't do that, Cas. If I do, I'll never sleep."   
"So stay home with me tomorrow. We can sleep all day tomorrow."   
"As enticing as that sounds," Dean whispered, wiping at the corner of his eye with his index finger, "I can't. I have to go home, Cas."   
"Why?"   
"I just do." Dean turned around. His eyes met dark ones that reflected the stars behind Dean. "I'll be back in the morning. I swear on it."   
Castiel smiled sadly. "Fine," he breathed. "Don't leave without a real kiss. That kiss downstairs wasn't good enough."   
Dean smiled a little and kissed Castiel gently, feeling like he was taking his life force from him from the energy it put into Dean. He felt like running a marathon now. "Goodnight."   
"Goodnight, Dean."   
***   
Dean returned in the morning with his coffee in his hand. As soon as he pulled up and stepped out of the car, the door to Castiel's house opened and Cas leaned against the frame of the door, his head lulling against it. Dean walked up the steps to the porch, smiling at Castiel. Castiel smiled back sleepily.   
"Did you sleep at all?" Dean asked, leaning in for a quick smooch. "Tell me the truth."   
Castiel smiled a little, holding his hand out to take the coffee from Dean. Dean handed it over, watching Castiel take a sip and make a face. The bitterness was probably unusual to Cas. "I'll pass on answering that question," he replied, handing the cup back to Dean. "I've already called it in as a personal day."   
"I'm gonna miss you today, you know." Dean smiled, taking a sip of the black coffee, eyes on Castiel's. He could see the exhaustion hiding behind the blue. "You'd better sleep."   
"I most likely will," Castiel nodded a little. The way he did made Dean want to reach out and hold him.   
"You got a key I can have?" Dean asked, raising an eyebrow. Castiel stared at him in shock for a second. "You know," Dean covered, realizing what he'd said, "in case I come by to check on you and you're asleep or something."   
Castiel smiled a little. "Just take my key. I'm not going to be going anywhere today. And I know you, you won't forget to return it."   
Dean smiled and kissed Castiel's forehead. "I'm putting you in bed."   
"Kinky," Castiel chuckled, following Dean into his own house. "The keys-"   
"-are in the bedroom," Dean finished the sentence. "I know, baby." He grabbed Castiel's hand and lifted it to his lips. "Let's get you to bed."   
Next thing Dean knew, Castiel was looking at him like he was about to pass out.   
"Cas?" Dean asked softly, relying on reflexes when Castiel pitched forward. He cursed under his breath and caught him by the shoulders. Damn man, not sleeping. Cas probably hadn't even tried to sleep. Dean sighed and slid his arm behind his boyfriend's knees, the other under one of his arms. He picked him up bridal style, wondering how the hell Cas was so light. He carried him to the bedroom, laughing slightly when Castiel snored against his neck.   
After setting Castiel on the bed, tugging off his jeans and pulling the blankets over him, Dean kissed his nose and cheek softly. "I'll be back around noon to check on you, angel. Hopefully you're still sleeping then- you need it." He sighed and stood again, grabbing Castiel's keys from the dresser and looping the house key off of it. He put it in his pocket. Sighing, he took one last look at Cas, who was now hugging the pillow and laying on his side, wishing he could lay down next to him there.   
All he could do was shake his head and walk away, though. He grabbed his coffee off of the table by the door, closing and locking the door behind him.   
***   
At noon, Dean stopped at Castiel's house to check in on him. He was still fast asleep in his bed.   
This time, Dean fell into bed next to him, unable to resist. He did have the time to waste, after all. When Dean did lay down, Castiel immediately sensed it and curled in toward him with a soft, incoherent mumble. It was something that sounded like Dean's name, but he couldn't be sure.   
Either way, it made him grin.   
His knuckles dragged against Castiel's cheekbone gently as he pressed his lips against Castiel's forehead. Eyes closed, he stayed in that position- fingers lightly brushing against Castiel's cheek, lips against his forehead- for as long as he could.   
A few minutes later, Dean had to drag himself up and away from his baby to go back to work. He promised himself he'd be back at the end of the school day, no exceptions. It was a Friday, too, so he could easily stay until morning if he wanted to (and he already wanted to.)   
***   
The day was long. Long and boring. Dean was watching over the last test before finals all day, completely without anything to distract him. He didn't have a boyfriend to text, a teacher across the hall to bother, any students to talk to. He was stuck standing in front of the class, toying with Castiel's key, passing it from hand to hand.   
When three o'clock hit, Dean was out the door with a file of tests in his laptop bag along with his laptop.   
He arrived at Castiel's house and let himself in quietly, dropping the bag next to Castiel's by the door, toeing off his shoes and tugging off his coat. He hung the coat on the rack by the door, then moved to Castiel's room to find Cas sitting up in bed, wiping at his eye.   
A grin spread across Dean's face and he dropped himself onto the bed, kissing Castiel's cheek animatedly. "Hey there, baby."   
Castiel's lips turned at the corners. "Hey," he rasped.   
"Sexy voice," Dean mumbled, kissing closer to Castiel's smirk.   
"Thanks."   
"Master of one liners today, right?" Dean kissed his lips softly, making it last longer than normal.   
"Right," Castiel chuckled, running a hand down Dean's arm.   
Dean moved up onto his knees, hands on the blankets. He then dropped down again, sitting in front of Castiel and to the right. Cas blinked sleepily, still smiling at Dean. "I had dreams about you, but I don't remember them that well right now."   
"Well, I hope they were good." Dean busied his hands by gently trying to tame Castiel's hair. As usual, it didn't work, but it was always worth the try. "They were, weren't they?"   
"I think so, yeah," Castiel leaned into Dean's hand slightly. "I need coffee or I'm going to fall asleep again."   
"You want me to make some, angel?" He kissed Castiel's temple. "I'll go make some."   
"Take me with you. If I'm in bed any longer I'll pass out and never wake up." Castiel held his arms out to Dean like a toddler would.   
"Aw, little Cassie wants out of his crib?" Dean teased, grinning more as he looped his arms around Castiel under his arms. Cas laughed and wrapped his own arms around Dean in a hug, and when Dean stood up, he hooked his legs around Dean's waist. Dean rolled his eyes and kissed him one more time before moving his arms so it was easier to hold Castiel up as he walked.   
Once they were in the kitchen, Dean set Castiel down in a chair. Cas didn't let go of him, though, keeping him down. He drew another kiss out of his boyfriend, feeling Castiel's fingers press in his hair. The pads of his fingers brushed against the knob of Castiel's spine. It wad a few minutes before they pulled apart and Dean moved to the coffee maker.   
Castiel's eyes were on him the whole time. "That woke me up more than any coffee ever would," Cas quipped. Dean snorted. "What?"   
"Nothing," the English teacher replied as he filled the tank with water. "You just make me laugh. You're very sappy in the morning."   
"I am not," Castiel protested. Dean turned around once he had everything going, leaning against the counter. His eyes were on Castiel, who was smiling, arms folded over the back of the chair and his chin leaning on them. He was staring back at Dean indignantly.   
"You are," Dean chuckled softly, shaking his head.   
Castiel frowned, pouting slightly. "Whatever," he sighed, bottom lip poking out.   
Dean grinned and winked at him playfully. "Oh, don't pout. Pouting may be attractive, but it's not welcome here right now."   
Castiel's lips twitched. "It's welcome in my house," he fought back. "Nothing is restricted here."   
"Oh?" Dean raised an eyebrow, moving to Castiel's place at the table. He walked around the chair, waiting for Castiel to move to face him before dropping his grin again. He straddled Castiel's lap, chin high as he did. "So this is allowed?"   
"Definitely," Cas whispered. Hands settled on Dean's hips, long, slender fingers digging into Dean's skin under his shirt.   
Dean gently shifted, his tongue darting out to wet his lips.   
"What about you using those artist hands to do a little something other than painting?" Dean leaned in close, letting his breath brush over Castiel's parted, pliant lips. "Get something under those fingernails other than paint." Castiel moaned softly in response, waiting for Dean to continue talking or to make his move. "Hold something other than a paintbrush," Dean whispered, lips almost touching Castiel's.   
"Other than a 14 sable," Castiel whispered, giving Dean quite the image.   
"Other than a 14 sable, yeah," he groaned, pushing himself down into Cas a little. "Kiss me, baby doll."   
Castiel obeyed slowly at first, leaning in half a centimeter before pulling away again. He finally just went for it and slammed his lips against Dean's, forcing Dean's eyes closed as their tongues slid together languidly.   
They only pulled apart when the coffee maker beeped. Dean's shirt was half unbuttoned, his hair a good replica of how Castiel's had been earlier. Castiel had a hickey on the nape of his neck, his shirt collar off center, and his hair even messier. Both were breathing heavily through red, kiss-and-bite swollen lips. Dean smirked a little to himself as he walked to the counter. Feeling eyes on him, he swung his hips a little more than he normally would. He made sure his shirt rode up a little when he reached for a mug for Cas, grabbing one from the top shelf. He filled it and stirred in sugar, carrying it back and handing it to Castiel with a small smile. He sat down on Castiel's lap again, facing him.   
Cas took a sip, then lifted it to Dean's lips. Dean smiled and sipped the nectar-sweet coffee, taking the mug from Castiel when he offered it back over to Dean. He set it behind him on the table, his body twisting as he did, forcing his hips to brush against Castiel's. The skin contact spread warmth through Dean's body.   
"Good afternoon," he whispered, leaning in again and taking a deep, passionate kiss.   
Castiel's fingers dug into Dean's skin again. "Good afternoon," he replied, lips dragging against Dean's as he spoke. "Fucking good afternoon."   
Dean chuckled at Castiel's rare use of the word, grinding himself down into his baby. "I want you, Cas."   
***   
Afterward, they were still in their positions, only with fewer clothes and new marks on their bodies. Dean was sporting a nice new lovebite on his shoulder, a bite mark on his jaw, and crescent shaped indentations on his hips. Castiel's hickey had a twin not too far away from it, closer to his collarbone than his neck. Cas also had a sore lip from Dean, who had bitten down just a little too hard when Cas hit the spot.   
Dean smiled lovingly down at Castiel, one hand gently pushing through his dark mess of tangled hair. "Sorry about your lip," he whispered again as Castiel raised the mug to his lips again. "I didn't mean to. It just felt so fucking good."   
"I know, Dean. Don't worry about it. I'm sure it'll have mostly healed by the time we go back on Monday."   
"Oh, God, don't talk about school. Total buzz kill, baby." Dean nuzzled Castiel's neck gently. "No school talk for the rest of the night."   
"Fine, but I have one question."   
"Yes, no, I'm not sure, and Mrs. Mosley." Dean grinned, gently sinking his teeth into Castiel's skin.   
"You don't even know what I was asking."   
"That's why I covered all of the answers. I know what you'd ask."   
"And what did you think I'd ask?" Castiel was going on the defensive. Dean kissed up to his ear, grazing his teeth against his ear lobe lightly.   
"It's plausible that you'd wonder who your substitute was," Dean whispered, enjoying the smell of Castiel's shampoo. Hair was tickling Dean's nose. "I can also see you asking if there were any students absent, what they'd done for the day, and if anyone had gotten in trouble."   
"Hm," Castiel hummed, muffled a little. Dean assumed he had the coffee raised to his lips. "Good guesses. Do you want to know what I was actually going to ask?"   
"I'd love to," Dean murmured.   
"Was there any drama today?"   
Dean laughed, face dropping into Castiel's warm, tan shoulder. He shook his head slightly. "No, not that I know of. Dork." Affection laced Dean's voice. He kissed the lovebite on the nape of Castiel's neck and sat up again. "I have a question of my own, Mr. Milton."   
Castiel's squinted a little and tilted his head to the side. "Yes, Mr. Winchester?" he played along.   
"How are you so fit? I mean, you're like ten pounds when I pick you up, yet you've got this..." Dean looked down, his hands running along Castiel's chest. Amazing didn't cut it, and neither did beautiful. "You've got this ridiculously, astoundingly gorgeous body that isn't skin and bone and isn't like paper. I don't understand it."   
"Running," Castiel smiled up at Dean, who was still appreciating every contour of Castiel's body under his fingertips. "I do a lot of running."   
"You've certainly missed some days, then," Dean smiled. "I've never once seen you go out and run when I've been over or when you've been at my place."   
Laughing, Castiel shook his head and lifted one hand to Dean's cheek. "That's because I have other activities that keep me going when I'm with you."


	12. 11: It's Christmas, Baby.

"I smell snow." Dean grinned up at the sky as they walked out of school on the first of December. "Do you smell snow? I do." He looked back down at  Castiel , who rolled his eyes and continued walking. 

"Dean, you can't smell snow."  Castiel  tossed over his shoulder. 

"Shut up! Yes, you can!" Dean kept his grin, following  Castiel  to their cars. "It's going to snow tonight- I can feel it. And when it does snow, I'm going to drive over to your place and make you come outside with me. The first snow of the year is magical, baby." 

Castiel  just rolled his eyes and took out his keys, stealing a brief, soft kiss from Dean's lips. "I'll text you, okay? Have a good night, Dean."

"You too,  Cas ," Dean smiled. 

He watched  Castiel  drive away, sucking in the scent of the oncoming snowfall as he thought. 

Castiel  had become a little more distant ever since Thanksgiving. He'd been randomly disappearing, not talking to Dean for hours on end, before suddenly reappearing like nothing had happened. It was confusing to Dean, but he put up with it. As long as his  Cas  was still his  Cas , it was fine. 

Accompanied by a sigh, Dean got into his car and left the school, heading straight home. 

***

Around one a.m., Dean woke up to the sound of his phone buzzing on the table beside his bed. He groaned and hit ignore, but it started ringing again right after. Sighing and grumbling to himself, he sat up and hit answer. "It's one a.m.," he greeted.

"I know,"  Castiel  responded. There was a static sound, like  Castiel  was breathing on the phone. After a second, Dean realized it was wind. "Where are you at?"

"In bed," Dean yawned. "I  was  asleep." 

"You're missing it! Come outside."  Castiel's  voice was tired and a little shaky. Dean frowned and slid out of bed, wincing when his feet hit the cold floor. He tugged on pajama pants and his coat, stuffing his feet in shoes. 

"Why am I coming outside?"

"Just do it,"  Castiel  sighed into the phone. A beep followed.  Cas  had hung up on him! 

Dean grumbled again, imitating  Castiel's  last remark, and stuffed his phone in his jacket along with his keys. He locked the door as he left the apartment, hurrying down the stairs and outside.

Little white flakes were falling from the sky. 

A grin spread across Dean's face as he stepped into the cold, eyes turned toward the sky. He closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling of the snow falling on his cheeks and nose. Crisp cold air filled his senses waking him up and making him feel exhilarated. 

"Hey, Winchester. Are you going to open your eyes and get over here, or just stand there and freeze to death?"  Castiel  was leaning against his car, two  styrofoam  cups in his hands. 

Dean laughed and made his way over, a grin on his face still. "You didn't."

"I did,"  Castiel  smiled, handing a cup to Dean. "Hot chocolate. How can the first snow be good without it?"

Dean laughed again and kissed  Castiel , tasting the warm chocolate in the kiss. When he pulled away, he squinted his eyes a little at  Castiel . Slowly, he asked, "Peppermint?"

Castiel  grinned. "Candy cane, yeah. Peppermint." He took a sip of his drink.

Dean leaned back against the car as well, enjoying the silence and his drink happily. A few minutes later, he looked over at  Castiel  and combed his fingers through the hair on the back of  Castiel's  head. "Why did you do this?" he asked softly, twirling one strand around his finger. 

"I've been distant lately, and I realized it today. I don't know what's coming over me- if I'm sliding back into depression or what- but I know you can help me through it and that's why I've been pushing you back.  Subconciously , I don't want to get better. I want to stay in mourning, but I know I can't mourn for my whole life and that they would  want  me to move on, Dean."  Castiel  paused, breathing in shakily. "I haven't been sleeping as well as you think, either. I wait until you're snoring- yes, you snore, shut up- and I go back down to my studio room. I'm tired, Dean, I'm so tired." He looked up at Dean, and by the light of the streetlamp, Dean saw his eyes were about to spill over. He took  Castiel's  cup and set it on the hood of the car with his, sliding his arms around that lithe body.  Castiel  buried his face in Dean's jacket, and Dean felt him inhale deeply. He felt a little bad for smiling, but it was adorable. "I can't keep lying to you and I can't keep acting like I don't care. I'm sorry for ever doing that in the first place."

Dean shushed him, rubbing his back gently. "It's okay,  Cas . I'm just glad you're okay." 

"That's why I did this,  y'know . I wanted to make up for what I've done, for lying to you. You deserve to be happy, Dean. You deserve it more than anyone I know." That earned a scoff from Dean. "You do. I know you probably don't believe it, but you do. I wanted to do something special for you, and you were so enthusiastic about it and never showed up when I first saw the snow, so I started calling and drove over here. I couldn't let you miss it."

Dean pulled out of the hug and grabbed  Castiel's  wet cheeks, kissing him passionately.  Castiel's  hands tightened, bunching up Dean's leather jacket. "Thank you," Dean whispered, opening his eyes to look into  Castiel's . "Seriously,  Cas , this is awesome. You've definitely done something beyond special. It would have been special even if you hadn't done this, you know. Even if you'd just texted me as told me that it was snowing, I would have been happy and considered it special, because it would mean that you saw it and thought of me. Now, quit your crying, you dork." He grinned lovingly. "Come inside. You can borrow some of my clothes in the morning." 

Castiel  smiled at Dean with a short, quiet laugh. "Actually, I brought some clothes. I'll be up in a minute, okay?" 

Dean smiled and kissed  Castiel  one more time, blessing him for thinking of everything. "Okay. I'll be waiting. You're going to lay down with me and you are going to  sleep ." He grabbed the cups from the hood of the car and stole a kiss from  Castiel's  damp cheek. "I'll see you inside, baby doll." 

***

In the morning, Dean and  Cas  woke up next to each other at almost the same time. Dean woke only a few seconds before  Castiel . "Good morning," Dean whispered, smiling. 

Castiel  just smiled back and burrowed into Dean's chest. Dean closed his eyes and enjoyed it for a few seconds before trying to get  Cas  up. "No,"  Cas  whined, going limp to keep Dean from actually getting him out of bed. "Just a few more minutes."

"Just a few more minutes, my ass," Dean rolled his eyes. "A few minutes turns into a few hours with us, baby. We have to get up now."

"Now or never, huh?"  Castiel  was laying down now, with Dean sitting up and looking down at him. "If so, I vote never."

Dean rolled his eyes and hit  Castiel's  ass as he started toward the bathroom. "Get up, lazy. I'll wash you in the shower. How does that sound?" He leaned down over  Cas , whispering in his ear. "A nice, hot, steamy shower, my hands wandering your body, trailing soap..." He smiled and kissed the corner of  Castiel's  jaw. "It's all up to you, angel."

Dean smirked to himself as he undressed and started the shower. A few seconds after getting in, he heard the door open and heard a rustle like someone was taking off their clothes. His smirk widened. "I knew you'd cave in," he said as he rinsed shampoo out of his hair. 

"Oh, whatever,"  Castiel  grumbled as he stepped into the shower. "You just like acting like you know what I'm going to do." 

Dean laughed and kissed  Castiel  gently. "Come on, switch." He gently rested his hands on  Castiel's  hips, switching places with him so that he was under the water. "I'm guessing you slept last night?" 

"Yeah,"  Castiel  mumbled, tipping his head back and enjoying the warm water. "For the first time since that Friday."

Dean smiled. "Good. I don't even see how you're alive. Not sleeping that long?" He whistled softly, being honest with  Cas . "I'm just glad you are."

"I'm glad I am, too,"  Cas  smiled a little, his hand lifting to Dean's cheek. "I don't want you alone."

Dean grinned and kissed  Castiel's  hand softly.  "Morning sappiness," Dean whispered, letting his hands run down  Castiel's  chest. It left a trail of white bubbles. He leaned in and pressed his lips to  Castiel's , using the soap as an excuse to let his hands run wild around  Castiel's  body. Reluctantly, Dean let  Castiel  out of the kiss and smiled, squeezing his ass gently before turning him around and shoving him back under the water.  He quickly washed his own form, switching with  Castiel  again and rinsing the soap off of himself. 

Castiel  kissed at the back of his neck as he did, making Dean smile and reach behind him, pulling  Castiel  closer by his hips. Arms wove around his torso, teasingly tracing the lines of Dean's hipbones. "Hey, Dean?" Groaning in response, Dean opened his eyes and tilted his head a little, making it so it was by his shoulder instead of beside his lips. "You're really good to me. You know that, right? You've treated me better than anyone else ever has."

"I'm glad to hear it,  Cas ," Dean whispered, lips dragging against his jaw. "The same goes back to you. Honestly, it does." 

"Good,"  Castiel  mumbled, eyes going a little blank. Dean smiled, and  Castiel  smiled in return. "Good."

"Babe?"

" Hm ?"

"You should shave."

Castiel  laughed, rubbing his scratchy jaw against Dean's cheek. "Maybe we can be like  velcro ."

***

Christmas was closer, and Dean still didn't know what to get  Castiel . It was weighing down on his mind like an anvil. What do you get your art teacher boyfriend when he's got everything he could possibly need? Sighing, Dean collapsed onto the couch. The days recently had been like torture, as they usually grew to be during the middle of the year. There seemed to be no prospect of summer anywhere nearby, and that broke Dean's spirits down to null. It also broke his students' spirits, and made them sad and uncaring. Freaking winter.

It was a week before Christmas, and Dean was staring at the blank television, no ideas in his mind. It was all blank. Finally, unable to take it anymore, he kicked the bottom of the coffee table and shifted on the couch, laying down instead of sitting. His feet dangled over the arm of the couch. 

Knock, knock.

Dean groaned and stood up, asking who it was as he did. 

"You know who it is," a deep, scratchy voice replied. A grin crossed Dean's face.

"Batman? Seriously? I haven't seen you for a long time, man," he said as he opened the door. His face fell (jokingly, of course) when he saw who was standing outside the door, smirking at him. "Oh, it's you."

Castiel  rolled his eyes and stepped into the apartment, kissing Dean gently and kicking the door closed. "Nice to see you, too, geek."  Cas  whispered, arms looped around Dean's neck. "Am I interrupting something?"

"No, just thinking." Dean drew another kiss out of  Castiel  and picked him up, carrying him to the couch.  Castiel  laughed the whole way, nipping at Dean's neck between laughs. Dean sat down,  Castiel  straddling his legs. "What's so funny about thinking?" 

"Nothing is,"  Castiel  grinned, his hands on Dean's cheeks. They ran up into his hair. "Notice anything different?"

Dean raised an eyebrow and assessed  Castiel's  appearance. Same baby blue eyes? Check. Impossibly messy dark brown hair? Check. Pointed nose? Check. Olive skin? Check. Beginnings of a beard? Not there. Dean grinned and playfully hit his cheek. "No stubble. You're shaved."

"Like a newborn, babe,"  Castiel  kissed Dean, fingers curling in his hair. "Smooth as can be."

"Smells good, too. Cinnamon." Dean kissed  Castiel's  cheek. It was a little weird, not having his lips scratched. "I've got to say, for all that complaining I did, I miss it. I mean... Damn. Your scruff was hot."

Castiel  squinted his eyes for a second before smiling. "Oh well," he mumbled. "I can grow it out again, if that's what you'd like." 

"Sounds perfect," Dean whispered, leaning in close and biting  Castiel's  lip. He playfully tugged on it. "I have a question."

"Shoot."

"What do you want for Christmas?"

Castiel  leaned back a little, tilting his head. A smile played with his lips. "Anything, Dean." His eyes locked on Dean's and stayed.

"Oh, great way of narrowing it down." 

Castiel  laughed and kissed him again. "I'm not picky."

A grin crossed Dean's lips and he held  Castiel  close with a hand on the back of his neck. Their foreheads pressed together. "'You want the moon?'" he quoted. "'Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down.'"

Castiel  looked into his eyes lovingly and grinned. "It's A Wonderful Life, huh? If you're Mr. George Bailey, I guess that makes me Mary." Dean nodded, eyes flickering between  Castiel's  shit-eating grin and affectionate blue eyes. 

"I suppose it does, Mary Hatch." Dean leaned in to kiss him, but  Castiel  avoided it, opting for a kiss on the cheek instead. 

Castiel's  heart was racing. Dean could feel it from the hand on his back, and it was almost frightening. It was beating so quickly... 

A hushed whisper, so soft Dean could just barely hear it, filled his ear. "'Is this the ear you can't hear on?'"  Castiel  quoted, and Dean suddenly knew why his heart was running a mile a second. 

Dean knew the quote by heart. He'd watched the movie every holiday season with his class, and they were about to watch it again this week. Even if  Castiel  wasn't directing it at him, he'd still hear him say those words, and that was exhilarating in itself. 

Dean felt  Castiel  wet his lips, his tongue barely touching Dean's ear. It made his heart speed up. He honestly felt like he was going to have a heart attack. This wasn't even directed at him! Why was he-?

"Dean Winchester, I'll love you 'til the day I die." 

Dean's jaw dropped. His heart pounded in his ears. His eyes slowly closed and he felt his breath stop for about half a minute. " Cas -" he started, then choked on his words. He swallowed down the lump in his throat and cleared his throat. " Cas , you-"

"I've been thinking about it for a long time, Dean,"  Castiel  interrupted. For once, it didn't bother Dean. "I know I mean it. I don't like lying and you know that."  Castiel's  cheeks were red with a blush when he pulled away from Dean, looking into his eyes. "I love you, Dean. I'm in love with you." 

Dean smiled a little and let his hands move to  Castiel's  cheeks, holding his head steady as he stared into his eyes. He laughed breathily, feeling tears building up in his eyes. God, he was such an idiot. "I know," he whispered, kissing  Castiel  passionately. A horn was honked on the street.  Castiel's  fingers curled into Dean's hair again as they kissed, pushing Dean closer to him. Dean's own fingers curled under  Castiel's  jaw. Their open-mouthed kisses grew into something more than just kisses to both of them in that moment. 

After a few minutes, Dean pulled away and opened his eyes. He waited until  Castiel  did the same to smile and whisper again. "I love you too,  Cas ." 

***

Grinning, Dean nuzzled  Castiel's  neck. It was Saturday morning and Christmas was on Monday. Dean had gotten  Castiel's  present over the week and it was in the cabinet in the kitchen, waiting for Christmas night. It had already been decided that Dean would meet  Castiel's  siblings, Gabriel and Anna, on Christmas day. In the meantime,  Castiel  was staying with Dean until his siblings arrived. 

Dean couldn't stop recalling the events of Monday. All he could hear was  Castiel's  whisper whenever there was silence, and whenever there wasn't, he still heard it. It was on constant repeat. In fact, as Dean listened to  Castiel's  smooth breathing, he could hear it. That's part of what was making him grin. 

He inhaled deeply, enjoying the scent of  Castiel's  skin. It was a warm smell. " Cas ," he murmured, sighing happily. 

"Dean,"  Castiel  replied, startling Dean. He jumped a little and grinned, lightly hitting  Castiel's  arm.  Castiel  grinned at him, accepting a kiss as a good morning. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah. Did you?" Dean propped himself up on his elbow, smiling slightly.  Castiel  only nodded. "Tell the truth, baby."

"I am, Dean. I slept perfectly, as I normally do next to you."  Castiel's  hand gently rested on Dean's cheek. Dean grinned and tugged at the seam on the side of  Castiel's  shirt.  Castiel  paused, his eyes on Dean's. "I love you."

Dean smiled, feeling his ears heat up a little. He avoided it being noticed by kissing  Castiel . "I love you too."

"Cut the sap, you two," Sam spoke from the foot of the bed. It shocked both of them. Dean jumped back from the kiss, falling off of the bed. 

Sam laughed, while  Castiel  rolled his eyes and leaned over the edge of the bed, grinning down at Dean. Dean was sitting up, rubbing his head where it had hit the floor. "Jesus Christ, Sam. Give us a little warning." He accepted  Castiel's  helping hand as he stood up. "It's also nice to know that both of you are so concerned about me." He shot a glare at  Castiel , who was still grinning. He looked like he wanted to laugh. In all honesty, Dean wanted to laugh at himself as well. 

"Sorry," Sam laughed. "Just- just wasn't expecting you to fall off of the freaking bed when you were practically in the middle of it."

Dean scowled. "I was not in the middle of the bed. I was near the edge." 

"Whatever,"  Castiel  interjected, kneeling on the edge of the bed to kiss Dean's head. "You were on the edge of the bed. Sam is correct."

Dean gave  Castiel  as incredulous look and shook his head. "Supposed to be on my side," he grumbled. He then looked up at Sam, who was watching them with sad little doe eyes. " What'd'ya  want, bitch?" 

"Just checking in, jerk," Sam smirked. "I'm on my way to another hunt."

Dean wasn't just frowning on the outside, now. He was frowning internally. "You're still going on about that?" he asked, subconsciously wrapping his arm around  Castiel's  torso. his thumb tucked itself just under the hem of  Castiel's  shirt. "Sam-"

"Look, if I'm here and you believe it, why can't there be other things out there, Dean? Why can't there be vampires and werewolves and ghouls and every other so-called myth that you've heard?   _Why can I be real, but the rest can't?_ " Sam was adamant about this. He was making wild hand gestures. "Think about it, Dean. I look real as can be, don't I? Exactly. It's- I don't get why you don't believe me. Do you want proof or something? Do you want me to fucking lead something to this town so it can kill people and I can fucking prove to you that it's all real? Because I very well fucking can. Maybe then you'll believe me. Maybe you'll believe me when it's a danger to your friends, your students. Maybe you'll believe me when it's a danger to  Cas , or to you."

"Don't fucking say that," Dean hissed, pissed that Sam had brought  Castiel  into this. Especially putting him in danger in his mind. "Sammy, you're going insane. You've got nothing to do all day so you go off and find things that you think are real- that other people think are real- and you make them come to life for you. None of those things are real. You're not going to go 'vengeful' and you're sure as hell not going to lead some fucking monster here and put everyone you grew up around and with in danger. I know you, Sam. You wouldn't do that."

His brother just stared at him for a second before shaking his head slowly. "Just you watch, Dean," he whispered, then disappeared. 

Dean pursed his lips and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He then looked at  Castiel , the corner of his mouth turned up. "Great start to the day, right?"

Castiel  just smiled sadly at him. "I'm sorry that happened, Dean."

"It's fine," Dean shook his head again. "I'm used to it. It's been happening a lot lately. I'm just happy he didn't accidentally toss a beer bottle at my head by accident again." 

Castiel's  eyes turned to the little scar on Dean's cheek. "Did that-"

"Yeah. It's from the beer bottle. It shattered and you can probably guess the rest." Dean raised his free hand and combed it through  Castiel's  hair. "Let's not talk about it anymore. It's too heavy for ten a.m.." He lowered his lips to  Castiel's , accepting the soft kiss  Castiel  gave him. "Let's shower and then find something to do today." 

***

On Christmas day, Dean found himself showing up at  Castiel's  in khakis, a flannel shirt, dress shoes, and his leather coat earlier than  Castiel  had suggested. Of course, as Dean had guessed, someone Dean didn't know answered the door.

Just his luck.

The red haired woman smiled a little, squinting her green eyes and tilting her head. It was a gesture Dean was familiar with. He smiled a little in return. "H-"

"You're a cute one." She interrupted, and Dean suddenly knew where  Cas  had gotten his little habit from. His siblings were older than him. She then tossed her red mane over her shoulder and shouted. " Cas , there's a stray at the door. Can we keep him?"

Dean rolled his eyes and shook his head. "I'm not a stray." 

"Really? Then who do you belong to? You don't have a collar... At least not where I can s-"

"Anna, down,"  Castiel  spoke, wiping his hands on a towel as he walked to the door. "Dean, you're early."

"Dean?" Anna frowned. "Damn. I thought I'd be able to have some fun tonight." 

Dean laughed. "Sorry, Anna." He pressed a kiss to  Castiel's  lips and smiled. "Hey. Sorry, I couldn't wait any longer."

"Well, you'll have to deal with Anna for a while, then. I'm finishing up in the kitchen."  Castiel  closed the door behind Dean, whipping his ass with the towel. "Good luck. Don't forget that you love me."

Dean rolled his eyes, making a grab for the towel as  Castiel  walked away. "Whatever, you dork." 

Anna was leaning against the wall now, just watching Dean. It was a little creepy. He licked his lips and smiled. She smiled back. "So, you're  Cas ' sister..."

"That I am," she nodded. Her eyebrows were raised and her lips were pursed a little. 

"Got any embarrassing stories about him?" Dean smirked, starting for the living room.

***

Meeting Gabriel wasn't near as bad as meeting Anna. Gabriel really just walked in while Anna was telling Dean about the time that  Castiel  had publicly told a woman she was ugly, no reservations. He sat down- really collapsed- next to Dean and waited until the story was over to introduce himself. He then started telling his own story, embellishing it so much that Dean wondered if it was even true, but laughed anyway. 

Finally  Castiel  came out and sat across from Dean, next to Dean, and listened to the stories. He covered his face when he realized what story Gabriel was telling, and when he looked up, his face was red. 

"That's not what happened, Gabe," he complained, shaking his head. 

Dean smiled at him and listened to  Castiel's  version, finding it more believable. "Either way it's pretty funny," he laughed once  Castiel  finished. At  Castiel's  minor glare, he raised his hands by his shoulders in surrender. "Just stating a fact, babe." 

"Babe...?" Gabriel looked between Dean and  Cas , then laughed. "Oh, man. I thought you were some catch Anna had pulled off the street. Definitely her type." 

Cas  rolled his eyes and Dean smiled. "Nah," he shook his head. "I'm with  Cas  through and through, sadly." Dean cast a sideways glance at  Castiel  and winked.  Castiel  just grinned. 

"That definitely explains why you weren't sitting over there by the sister, then. There aren't any paws over here." 

"Hey!" Anna laughed, picking up a coaster and throwing it at Gabriel. "I figured it out as soon as Cassie said his name, you dick!"

Gabriel tossed the coaster back at Anna. "I was just stating the truth!" 

The coaster continued to soar through the air with minor, familial insults. Dean watched in amusement until about the third restart, when  Castiel  tugged on his hand. 

"C ome help me in the kitchen,"  Cas  whispered in his ear. Dean stood, hand in hand with  Castiel  as they escaped the turmoil by walking behind the couch Dean had been sitting on. Once in the kitchen,  Castiel  backed Dean up against the wall and kissed him lovingly. One of his hands lifted to the back of Dean's neck, where his thumb traced his hairline. "I missed you last night."

"I missed you too," Dean whispered against his lips, taking another kiss. "My bed is too cold when you aren't in it."  Castiel  grinned and kissed Dean again. "I can't wait for tonight. Just you and me, alone again."

"It's been one and a half days, Dean."  Castiel  laughed, squeezing his hand. 

"And I'm going through withdrawal. I need my daily dose of Cassie." Chuckling, Dean used the nickname Anna had.  Castiel  groaned and rolled his eyes.

"Not you too. They've both always called me that."

"It's so cute," Dean laughed, thumb tracing back and forth against  Castiel's  hip. "Cassie... You know, I think I dated a Cassie once."

Castiel  shook his head and scoffed softly. "Shut up, Dean," he mumbled, kissing him roughly. 

Neither noticed that the shouting had stopped until Gabriel burst into the kitchen, eyes covered. "Is it safe? Everyone clothed? No food is touched? No drinks have questionable substances in them?"

***

That night, they were both sitting on the floor by the fire in  Castiel's  fireplace, a blanket covering their legs, pillows at their backs. Despite both being a little scared of fire, they forced themselves through it for the refuge from the cold of  Castiel's  house. 

Cas  refused to turn the heater up too much. Dean joked that it was because he was stingy with his money, but knew that it was because  Castiel  loved hiding himself under blankets and burrowing in next to a warm body more than anything else. 

He smiled at  Castiel  as he did just that, humming and pressing a kiss against Dean's neck. Dean played with his hair and closed his eyes. "That was fun today," he mumbled, referring to the 'family dinner' they'd had.  Castiel  just laughed in response, obviously thinking otherwise. All his siblings had tried to do was embarrass him, but all Dean let that effect was his affection for the guy. 

It's hard to have your love go down when you're being told the most adorable stories of your love as a child as they sit there blushing and averting their eyes. 

"You're insane if you think that was fun." 

"It was! Definitely better than any other family Christmas I've gone to." Dean kissed  Castiel  softly. 

"Now we're having our own Christmas, and, I've got to say, it's a lot better than that one,"  Castiel  murmured against Dean's lips. 

Dean smiled and kissed  Castiel  again, refusing to pull away. He kissed him until  Castiel  dragged him down over him with a hand on the back of his neck and his fingers toying with Dean's hair. Dean propped himself over  Castiel  with his forearms, a soft moan extracting itself from his lips.  Castiel  moaned back and pulled Dean closer, and the vibrations of the moan felt awesome against Dean's lips. 

A little reluctantly, he pulled away. "I've got something to give you, angel," he rasped, already turned on by  Castiel's  baby blue eyes. He smiled and kissed him again, unable to resist. 

"Can't it wait?"  Castiel  asked, gently tugging Dean's hair. It made Dean grunt and smile more. 

"No," Dean lied, sitting up again.  Castiel  sat up as well, watching Dean get up and walk to the 'overnight' bag that he'd brought. He took out the present- poorly wrapped, of course. Dean wasn't good with gifts, let alone with wrapping them. He sat down again and handed the gift to  Castiel . "Merry Christmas."

Castiel  was smiling and shaking his head slightly. He accepted the gift anyway, peeling the paper slowly. Dean rolled his eyes. 

"You're supposed to rip into it."

"If you're a barbarian, yeah,"  Castiel  teased, still carefully peeling it apart. 

"It's not like it's the best wrapping you've ever seen,  Cas . Just tear it apart."

"No!"  Castiel  grinned. "Slow and steady wins the race, Dean."

"Whatever," Dean chuckled, watching  Castiel's  face.

Castiel  didn't show surprise, however. He just grinned and hummed the song he'd been singing for the past few days, holding up the paintbrushes. Suddenly, Dean knew why he'd been singing it. "Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree for me, I've been an awful good girl,"  Castiel  sang, grinning like mad. 

Dean hit him with the pillow that was behind him. "C'mon,  Cas !" He laughed. "Not cool! How the hell did you find them?"

"I went to the kitchen for some water in the middle of the night,"  Castiel  laughed, throwing the pillow back at Dean. "I looked in the wrong cabinet, and I knew for sure you wouldn't be using paintbrushes anytime soon."

"Maybe I would have," Dean frowned jokingly. "You never know."

"Yeah, because you're such the painter." Sarcasm was dripping from  Castiel's  voice. He looked up from the package and winked at Dean. "I've already thrown my old ones away, so there's plenty of room in there for these ones... Though, I may have a little fun with number 14 before I put them away..." He looked back down, sliding one out of the package and rolling it between his fingers. 

Dean didn't hesitate to hook his finger under  Castiel's  chin and make him look up. He looked into his eyes, knowing he had his own 'bedroom eyes' on. "There's no way I'm letting you have any fun with those when I'm around. That ass is mine."

Castiel  grinned and captured Dean's lips in a kiss before tossing the brushes on the couch behind them and moving up a little. Dean thought that he was going to move over him, but  Castiel  stood up instead. "Hey-" he started, then saw  Castiel  disappearing out the door to the living room. He frowned and glared in the direction of the door. 

"Sorry,"  Castiel  apologized as he came back into the room, a carefully wrapped present in his hand. Dean rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, feigning anger. "Hey, don't be mad at me. I'll have to rethink giving you this."

Dean pouted a little but moved closer to  Castiel  once he sat down, practically on top of him.  Castiel  smiled and kissed his temple. It was a gesture that he did often that made Dean grin. He pressed the gift into Dean's hands. 

"Merry Christmas, baby."

Dean smiled and, following  Castiel  earlier, carefully peeled the paper off. He did find it a little more satisfying, no matter how much he liked tearing the paper. "Oh,  Cas -" he started, grinning.  Castiel  had tied a ribbon around four things- an AC/DC CD (Dean's favorite), a copy of The Rolling Stones' Greatest Hits, an Ella Fitzgerald CD set (Dean was a little confused by that one), and a new copy of short stories by Kurt Vonnegut (Dean's favorite book in the world. He'd lost his copy months ago.) 

"I included the Ella Fitzgerald one because it has a bunch of love songs on it. All of the ones that remind me of you are on the third disc... Including Angel Eyes."  Castiel  was studying Dean's expression. Dean kissed him lovingly and hugged him, unable to believe his luck. 

"You're an idiot," Dean chirped, kissing all over  Castiel's  face. "I love you."

"I love you too, Dean."

"I feel bad... My gift is horrible compared to this. It's thoughtless."

"It is not,"  Castiel  protested. "It's perfect. It's like our little joke."

"But-"

"Dean, I love it. Please don't think lowly of your gift or of yourself."

Dean sighed and pressed his lips to  Castiel's  again. "What do you say we put on the lovey-dovey CD and get all lovey-dovey?" With a grin, Dean untied the green ribbon and tied it loosely around  Castiel's  wrist. He then set all of the CDs and the book on the coffee table with care, grabbing the Ella one and opening it. After putting it in the CD player that  Castiel  had in the living room and pressing play, he dropped back down to kiss  Castiel  languidly.

The crackling of the fire and the sounds of  Castiel's  favorite singer filled the house as they settled down with each other. 

_ Baby, I need you beside me, part of everything I do.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa, this chapter was so much longer than I intended! I delved a little into the on-coming storm, too, so be prepared. It's all going good so far. :-) I hope you guys enjoy the story! I'm certainly loving writing it.


	13. 12: Arguments

Along with the new year came a new beginning, in a way. 

Dean gave  Castiel  a key to his apartment and  Castiel  gave Dean a key to his house. They both had stashes of clothing at the other's house- both for work and for relaxing. Dean loved getting dressed for work in the morning and sometimes accidentally pulling out  Castiel's  shirt. It made him feel... warm and fuzzy. It was kind of like they were honeymooners still. Really, they both hadn't gotten out of that phase. 

They also got a little more daring. They'd taken to hiding in  Castiel's  storage closet at lunch time on some days for a bit of romance, almost getting caught more than once by a student looking for some extra work time or for some help on an essay. That's when they decided to be a little more secretive and have Dean sneak in a little bit later, cutting their time but making it so they had less interruptions.

Dean also had a feeling his fifth period class was growing a little suspicious. That was the class that  Castiel  sat in on more often than not, and whenever he did, Dean usually hurried through his lesson and then let  Castiel  sit in his chair, opting to sit on the window sill so he could watch over the class as they worked and still talk to  Castiel . 

That kind of went out the window on the day that  Castiel  wasn't in class with them and Dean needed to show a document on the  SmartBoard . He projected the laptop screen up there, but the document wasn't showing up for an unknown reason. Instead, one of his pictures with  Castiel  was on display.

It was one where they were kissing, sitting in his bed.

He heard some of the class gasp, then heard a clipped "I knew it!"

Dean panicked and closed the laptop screen, then realized that didn't do anything. "Shit," he hissed, fumbling with the cord, unable to unplug it. He repeated it, hurriedly grabbing the remote and turning it off. "Okay, okay-"

"How long?" someone asked. 

Dean felt his ears heating up. Damning himself for being a full-body blusher, Dean answered with a soft "Four months."

"When were those taken?"

"January. Okay, guys-"

"Does anyone else know?"

"Just family and friends." Dean sighed, standing up. He'd have to put up with the possible interruptions. They'd just had something unexpected sprung at them. "We need to work. If we don't do this now, you guys will have homework, and I hate giving homework." He stood in front of the class. 

"We don't mind having homework," someone spoke up, and everyone else agreed. 

"I'll only do this if you promise to actually do it," Dean warned. "If any of you don't do it, you know what I'll do."

"Take away Monday's discussion, we know." 

"Good. Let's hope you know what adjectives are and how to use them." He grinned when they laughed, hopping up to sit on the table next to his desk, as he usually did when they had discussions. 

"I have one thing to say before we start," Dean said, looking out over everyone. "I will not- and I repeat- not tolerate any hatred. Yes, everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and yes, they are allowed to voice them, but if you voice an opinion in a way that offends anyone of any lifestyle, I will ask you to leave the classroom and stay in the hall for the rest of the class period. Do you understand me?" 

"Yes," the class replied, and then they dove into a Q&A with their teacher. 

Andy started it out. "How did you know you were into guys?" 

"I'm not sure," Dean replied. "I was at a cl- somewhere one night," Dean corrected himself, "and I saw this guy. I suddenly thought something I- uh- probably shouldn't say to you guys, then found that... thing happening." 

"And that's how you knew? That's kind of uneventful."

Dean smiled. "Not everyone has a crisis." 

Just then, the door opened. Dean looked toward it and smiled apologetically as soon as he saw  Cas . "Sorry," he said, just as  Castiel  opened his mouth to speak.

The class laughed. 

"What are you apologizing for, Mr. Winchester?"

"Ooh," Andy chimed in again, looking back to Dean. "He calls you Mr. Winchester? Dirty."

"Andy, shut up," Dean laughed, half at Andy, half at the bewilderment on  Castiel's  face. "I did say sorry, right, Milton?"

"Yes,"  Castiel  said slowly. "I'm still confused, though." 

Dean started to stand up, opening his mouth to speak, when Meg spoke. "We know about you two." 

Castiel's  gaze turned hard and turned to Dean after a short second of shock. "And how did you guys find out about that?"

"Mr. Winchester's desktop." Andy replied. Dean shot disappointed looks at both Andy and Meg. 

Meg spoke anyway, avoiding her teacher's glare. "It was a picture of you two making out."

"In my defense," Dean raised his hands by his shoulders, "I did not expect for it to happen. I had the document pulled up and everything, but the board  glitched  and- I'm sorry,  Cas ." He slumped a little, hands falling again.

"It's fine, Dean,"  Castiel  sighed. He shrugged and walked over to Dean, sitting beside him.

Meg piped in again. Dean was starting to dread her voice. "I knew you two would get together at some point."

Dean laughed and shook his head.  Castiel  spoke instead. "Why?"

She shrugged. "You two have good chemistry. You're able to carry on conversations, act like you're 'just friends,' and you practically are best friends. I barely ever see either of you interact with other teachers, anyway. It's just... You work together, and I don't mean working, like, your jobs, but as people."

Meg's friend, Ruby, nodded. "Even though I, personally, don't like it," she started, "I think you two go together better than ketchup and fries. It's practically meant to be."

Dean's hand was resting on  Castiel's  knee. When Ruby had started talking,  Castiel  had shifted and looked like he was about to get up. 

"A profound bond," someone chimed in. Dean wasn't sure exactly who it was.

"I like that,"  Castiel  smiled. "Yeah. Dean and I do share a profound bond." 

Dean smiled and squeezed  Castiel's  knee. "Mr. Winchester to you, Milton. At least at school."

***

Dean grunted as he collapsed on  Castiel , breathing heavily. "Fuck,  Cas , that was good." 

Castiel  was still gasping for breath. Dean could feel his heart racing under his ear and smiled a little, heaving air through his parted lips. "I second that,"  Castiel  finally breathed. His body relaxed. 

Dean kissed  Castiel's  chest and shoulder. God, he loved that heartbeat and the taste of  Castiel's  skin. It was intoxicating. He moaned softly and pulled out of  Castiel  gently, gasping slightly as he did so. He felt  Castiel  tense up a little and smiled. Pressing another kiss to his collarbone, he kneeled over  Castiel  and gently nosed at his chin. 

"You want something for breakfast?" 

He felt  Castiel  smile and kissed his Adam's apple. "That sounds amazing, Dean."  Castiel's  breathing was returning to normal. "The start to a perfect morning."

Dean scoffed. "The start was that sex. It definitely started the perfect morning,  Cas ."

Castiel  laughed and Dean stood up, reaching down to grab his boxers.  Castiel  stopped him with a hand on his thigh. "No you don't. Naked morning."

Dean squinted his eyes at  Cas  before smiling and shaking his head slowly. "Fine." 

"Good. I love your body."

"Whatever," Dean laughed, hitting  Castiel's  foot as he passed it. "I'll be back in a bit with breakfast. You, baby doll, should get an extra wink of sleep. Sound good? You stay in bed and I cook."

"Sounds good,"  Castiel  replied, propping up one leg. The action gave Dean quite the sight- one that he took in with vigor and licked his lips at.  Cas  then started to laugh, tugging Dean out of his reverie. 

"Sorry, sorry," Dean was blushing. "I'll go cook before I get sucked back into bed by your hot bod."

Castiel  laughed more at that. Dean grinned and sauntered out of the room, loving the fact that he caused that laugh. 

As he cooked the typical breakfast foods- eggs, bacon, toast- he swung his hips slightly and hummed the song that was stuck in his head. 

Recently, he'd been listening to the Ella Fitzgerald CDs more often, not only because  Castiel  was around, but because he found himself enjoying them. She had a melancholy sound to her voice, one that paired perfectly with the jazz in the background, and one that made Dean feel like singing too. The last song he'd listened to from the album was playing on a loop in his head for some unknown reason. He hadn't listened to it since yesterday. 

As he moved the eggs around in the pan, he swayed his hips a little and started to sing, forgetting that he wasn't alone in the apartment. 

" You are the angel glow that lights a star.  The dearest things I know are what you are.  Some day my happy arms will hold you, a nd some day I'll know that moment divine.  When all the things you are, are mine." 

His song continued even as he got out two plates and loaded them with food, poured two mugs of coffee, and searched for the tray that he knew he had. Lisa hadn't taken it in her move. Dean used it more often than she ever would, treating her to breakfast in bed more often than not on weekends. Now that he needed it, though, he couldn't find it. He cursed softly between words, opening another cabinet and finding it. He loaded the plates, utensils, and mugs on the wooden tray and picked it up, humming again instead of singing. 

Humming and smiling still, he entered the bedroom slowly. "Breakfast is  ser -" His body filled with dread when his eyes rested on  Castiel's  form.  Castiel's  face was in his hands and he was shaking slightly. 

Signs of crying. 

Dean cursed again under his breath and set the tray on the table beside his bed, dropping down next to  Castiel . " Cas , baby," he whispered, hand gently resting on his back, "what's wrong? Talk to me."

"Nothing's wrong,"  Castiel  sniffled, looking back up at Dean. "You were a little off-key, but other than that..." His face crumpled a little even if he was smiling. "Just-"  Castiel  shook his head and threw his arms around Dean, practically tackling him. 

Laughter spilled out of Dean and he hugged  Castiel  back, gently rubbing his back. "You heard me, huh?"

"Yeah,"  Castiel  mumbled, voice like sandpaper. "I heard you singing my favorite song."

Dean smiled more, surprised it was even possible. "Favorite song."

"You've been listening to the CD."

"Yes, I have." Dean kissed  Castiel's  damp cheek. He'd been doing a lot of that.  Cas  was quite the crier. "A lot more than I'd normally admit."

Castiel  pulled back and grinned at Dean. Dean silently noted the way that his eyes crinkled in the corners and just above the cheekbones. "I love you so much, Dean Winchester."

"I love you too,  Castiel  Milton," Dean whispered, grinning. "I really do."

Castiel  leaned back and held his hand out to help Dean sit up again. He stole a kiss just after Dean sat up, one hand on his cheek. "What'd you make?"

***

A few days later, Dean was starting to get worried again. Sam hadn't been showing up ever since their fight. Yeah, Dean was a little mad at him still, but they weren't going to get through it without talking about it. They were brothers; they were supposed to fight. It's a part of being family. You fight and you make up, then fight again. It's just a cycle that every family goes through at some point. Arguments, fights, whatever. 

The disappearance was making Dean irritable. It was the weekend again, and Dean and  Castiel  had decided that Dean would stay at  Castiel's  that weekend.  Cas  wanted to try another idea with Dean as his canvas, and Dean liked being at  Castiel's  house. It was certainly more spacious and comfortable than his own apartment, which was cramped and made him uneasy lately. 

If he was going to be honest with himself, Dean wanted to move in with  Castiel . He just didn't know how to approach the topic. It didn't seem like they'd been together long enough either, and that was a big thing. They hadn't even really fought as a couple yet. 

At least, they hadn't until that day. Dean showed up at  Castiel's  house after school, miserable because he had tried to talk to Sam, tried contacting him in every way possible, and had no response. Sammy was being fucking childish. 

Dean kissed  Castiel  hello, feeling little mood-revival at that. It was weird. Normally, kissing  Cas  boosted Dean's mood tenfold. He sighed and settled down with  Castiel  on the couch. 

"Do you want to watch a movie?"  Castiel  asked, playing with Dean's hair. Dean gently grabbed his hand, bringing it to his lips. God, he wanted to be able to enjoy this weekend without worrying. 

"I guess," Dean mumbled, his other hand lifting to pull  Castiel  into a deep kiss. 

It didn't lift his mood any.

"I'll put it on,"  Castiel  whispered against his lips, smiling. Dean's lips twitched in response. "What movie?"

"Your choice," Dean replied, squeezing his boyfriend's hand. 

Of course,  Castiel  chose the one they always watched. They'd never made it all the way through the movie without getting lost in each other. Dean was sick of hearing the same lines over and over, though.

"Not that one," he chimed in from the couch.  Castiel  was sitting on the floor. He looked over his shoulder at Dean and raised an eyebrow. Dean shrugged.  Castiel  put the movie back and reached for another one they'd put on a hundred times. "Not that one either."  Castiel  sighed, reaching for another movie. It was one Dean hated. "I hate that one."

Castiel  sighed and turned around. "If you're so picky about the movie, why don't you choose it?" he snapped. Dean was a little taken aback. That was unexpected. 

"It's not like we'll watch it anyway," he muttered. 

"Exactly. So why does it matter?"

"It's the same background track over and over,  Cas . It's annoying as fuck." Dean met  Castiel's  glare and pursed his lips. 

"Well, sorry that it seems to be a good make-out movie. It's slow paced and relatively quiet." 

"Quiet?" Dean scoffed. "Quiet if you're deaf, maybe."

"Stop being a dick, Dean."

Dean sighed and shut up, crossing his arms over his chest.  Castiel  stared at him for a few more seconds before looking away. 

"TV it is, then."

Around an hour later, they were still cold to each other. Dean was even worse, having been set off by the earlier fight over a stupid movie, and  Castiel  was just starting to thaw a little. He tried to make it up to Dean by kissing him, but Dean avoided the kisses. He avoided every out-of-bounds touch that he could. The avoidances were clearly ticking off  Castiel , but Dean didn't want to be touched. It didn't feel right. 

"Dean, just tell me what's wrong."  Castiel  said after picking up the remote and muting the television. "Please. I want to help."

"You can't," Dean replied, voice rather monotone. He didn't feel like talking it out. "It's something I did, not you. Don't worry about it."

"It's causing you to be an ass,"  Castiel  sighed, turning to face Dean instead. 

The feeling of  Castiel's  eyes on him was making him angrier. 

"Look, I know I'm being an ass, okay? I'm fucking sorry. I'm pissed off and disappointed in myself and that son of a bitch, and I know I can't change it."

"Dean-"

"Plus today has been shitty already. I had to have three kids stay after school and retake their test for half points because they were cheating, and I'm pretty sure they cheated on the retake. Not to mention the date- January 16. It's been six fucking months since I found out the woman I'd been with for eight years was cheating on me. So yeah, I'm being an ass. Can you fucking blame me?"

"Lisa should have nothing to do with that. I get that she cheated on you and I get that you were together for a long time, Dean, but-"

"But she still shouldn't affect me, right? I've heard it before, Milton. 'She broke your heart- forget her.' It's difficult to forget about the first person you think is the one, okay? I'm fucking sorry that I'm effected by this."

Castiel  just stared at him. Dean could feel the pity in his eyes. 

"Fuck, man, don't stare at me like that. I can feel your hurt radiating." Dean leaned forward, head dropped into his hands.  Castiel  had looked away, but Dean could still feel it. He sighed and patted  Castiel's  knee. "Look, I'll be back at like..." Dean looked at the time on his phone. "I'll be back at seven. I promise. I'll be back at seven with a new attitude and ready to  rock'n'roll . I just need a few minutes alone, okay?"

Castiel  sighed. "Okay. I'll be waiting."

Dean smiled a little, but it wasn't real. He pressed his lips to  Castiel's  forehead. "Love you." 

"I love you too." 

Dean walked to the door and tugged on his coat and shoes again, grabbing his keys from his pocket as he walked out the door. 

***

Dean arrived back at  Castiel's  at 7:30, having lost track of time. He'd gone home and sat in the silence for a bit, trying to talk to Sam, even trying a little thing called 'praying' in an attempt to get Sam to reply to him. 

Nothing. 

He'd eventually given up and fell over, laying on his side and listening to the AC/DC CD  Castiel  had given him for Christmas through the crappy speakers on his television. Fuck, he hated his own apartment. After having gotten little to no sleep the past few nights, Dean fell asleep. 

He woke up at 7:15 and freaked out internally, hoping  Castiel  wasn't pissed. There wasn't a text or a call or anything from him. He was probably pissed beyond repair. It would definitely go with the rest of the people in Dean's life. 

On his way to  Castiel's , Dean had to pull over for gas. He'd done that as quickly as possible, then rushed to his boyfriend's house. 

When he entered, he had a pillow thrown at him. 

"You're late."  Castiel  grumbled from the couch. He looked like he was only a little relieved, confusing Dean. "It's 7:30."

"I'm sorry," Dean said as he hung his coat up. When he leaned down to kiss  Castiel , as they always did, a hand covered his face and pushed him away. He swallowed the tears building up. "What the fuck?" he asked, voice shaking a little. "Look,  Cas , I know I was being  pissy  earlier, but I think I was just tired." 

"Whatever,"  Castiel  sighed, looking down at his hands. "Are you over Lisa?"

Dean blinked a few times, trying to process  Castiel's  sudden question. " Cas -"

"Are you over Lisa?"  Castiel  clipped each word to a point. 

"Of _course_ I am.  Cas , I'm in love with you. What the hell is your problem?"

"Earlier you said that you don't just forget the person you _think is_ the one. You should have said thought, or, even better, not said it at all. You say you're in love with me, but..."  Castiel  looked back up at Dean and shook his head. He opened his mouth to talk again, but coughed out an angry laugh in replacement. "Your whole life seems to rely around lies, Dean, and you're just adding more."

"Dammit,  Cas !" Dean stood up again. "I'm not fucking lying to you when I say that! I really do love you, you asshole! I love you no matter what you do,  Castiel , but you're sure making it difficult right now." He was shouting now. His voice was still shaking, too. "Seriously,  Cas , what the fuck? Haven't I proved to you that I love you? You're fucking-"

"Fuck you, Dean,"  Castiel  hissed. "I want you gone." 

Dean was silent, mouth open, feeling like he was going to cry. He was shocked. His eyes stayed on  Castiel  as  Cas  stood and walked out of the room. Dean heard a door slam a few seconds later and slowly dropped down onto the couch, staring at his own feet. 

He'd really messed up now.  Castiel  was so mad... Dean groaned and pinched his arm, wincing. Definitely not a nightmare. 

Dean spent a majority of the night working through everything in his mind, sitting on the couch. He didn't want to leave. He didn't want to go back to his place and be uncomfortable and truly lonely. It was all just a reminder of the past. He wanted something different. 

He wanted his baby back. 

Around 9:00, Dean heard a door open and stood up, walking into the hallway and almost running into  Castiel . He opened his mouth to speak, but  Castiel  stopped him by walking past him and into his bedroom.

The door slammed again.  Castiel  had paint all over his hands and left a smear of blue on the doorknob. 

Dean tried the doorknob, getting a small speck on his hand, but it barely budged. He sighed and sniffed, knocking on the door.

When he spoke, his voice was grating even to his own ears. " Cas , please. Talk to me. Let me explain. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

The door opened and  Castiel  pushed a pillow and a blanket into Dean's hand, closing the door again without another word. 

At least he'd acknowledged Dean. That was a start. Even if Dean had to sleep on the couch, he was still in the same house as  Castiel . 

He'd sleep on the porch if that's what it took to get  Castiel  to forgive him. 

Dean made his bed on the couch and got as comfortable as possible, dragging his hands down his face. Hopefully in the morning  Castiel  would forgive him for being so stupid. Maybe they both just needed some sleep. Hopefully... 

***

Dean found himself waking up at two a.m. to a rustle and a draft of cold air hitting the skin of his stomach where his t-shirt was dragged up in the middle of the night. He grunted and opened his eyes, finding blue (Were they blue? He couldn't tell) ones staring down at him. He waited for his eyes to adjust.

When they did, he could barely make out the outline of  Castiel's  jaw. A small, exhausted smile settled on his lips as he moved onto his side, pressing himself against the back of the couch. "Just lay down," he yawned. "I'm not going to yell at you or call you out. Just lay down."

Castiel  breathed a laugh and slid onto the couch in front of Dean, allowing Dean to drape his limp arm over his stomach. "I'm sorry,"  Castiel  whispered. "I was worried. I thought you'd done something and that you wouldn't come back. I was scared and concerned, Dean."

"You had every right to be," Dean whispered in response. "Can we talk in the morning? As much as I want to resolve this, I'm tired."

"Yeah,"  Castiel  sighed. Dean could feel his body relaxing already. "Yeah, we can. Go to sleep. I didn't mean to wake you up."

"It's okay," Dean mumbled, nuzzling his face into  Castiel's  hair. Man, he loved the smell of his own shampoo on  Castiel . "Goodnight,  Cas ."

"Goodnight, Dean." 

*** 

In the morning, Dean woke up to the feeling of soft, hot breath on his neck, and it felt good. The house was freezing, and the couch wasn't exactly the warmest place, even with a blanket and a boyfriend. He groaned softly and tried to move closer to  Castiel , pulling  Cas  closer and practically smothering him. 

He pressed his face from the nose down into  Castiel's  hair, eyes closing again to fend off the inevitable morning sunlight that was filtering in through the windows. 

A few seconds- or maybe minutes, Dean couldn't tell- later,  Castiel  squirmed a little and opened his eyes. The only reason Dean knew  Castiel  opened his eyes was because he could feel the fluttery feeling of them against his neck. Intoxicating was  Castiel's  middle-freaking-name, and Dean could prove it. 

Once  Castiel  pulled away a little bit, Dean smiled and opened his eyes. "Good morning," he rumbled a little uncertainly. 

"Morning,"  Castiel  replied, sitting up. Green eyes wandered down his back when he stretched like a cat, back arching. The action made his t-shirt fall down and cover the lightly speckled olive-tone skin on his back that Dean ached to kiss. "Sleep well?"

"Other than the little interruption, yes." Dean blinked slowly, looking up again to find  Castiel  rubbing his arm. "Sore?" 

"Maybe a little. Never let me stick you on the couch again. You'll wake up with a thrown out back."

"Hey, I'm not that old yet," Dean whispered, leaning up on his elbow. He scratched his neck as his toes brushed against  Castiel's  foot. "Did you sleep well?"

"Once I came out here, yeah,"  Castiel  reluctantly admitted. The idea made Dean grin again. "I'm sorry."

"You already apologized,  Cas . Don’t worry about it."

"Yeah, but I was being stupid. I know you love me, and you know I love you. I just got insecure and couldn't keep it in." 

"I get it,  Cas ." Dean really did get it. Insecurity and anger weren't confined to  Castiel . "Let's just kiss and make up."

Castiel  looked over his shoulder at Dean and smiled. Damn it, that smile was adorable. 

It took some manipulating, but Dean managed to get his legs around  Castiel ,  Cas  sitting between them. He leaned back against Dean's body. "You're mine," he whispered against  Castiel's  ear, "and I'm yours. I'm not going anywhere unless you really want me to,  Cas . I promise." His lips pressed against  Castiel's  jaw before the man turned a little and met his lips. 

***

"You know, the feeling of the paint is kind of soothing," Dean remarked as  Castiel  painted his arm a gradient of pink, red, yellow, and orange. "We've only done this twice and I'm already used to it." 

"Then why did you complain so much last time?" 

"I did not," Dean whined. "I had to keep my mouth shut half of the time because you told me that if I spoke it would mess up the paint."

"Oh, yeah, I did. Keep your mouth shut. Talking will mess up the paint and not let it dry."

Dean rolled his eyes and smiled. 

"No smiling either! The stuff on your cheeks isn't dry yet and that'll crack it." 

Dean laughed, dropping his smile right after. Well, mostly dropping it, that is. "Thought you loved my smile," he teased. "How rude, saying you don't want me to smile."

"Oh, shut up!"  Castiel  laughed, dipping the brush in water so that he could blend the colors together better. "You're the rude one."

"I am not."

"Yeah, you are," Sam replied from behind  Castiel . It made both men jump a little. Dean was suddenly glad that  Castiel  had let him wear underwear this time.  Castiel  dropped his paintbrush. "Sorry."

" Sorry's  damn right," Dean said. "Where the hell have you been?"

"I got caught up."

"'I got caught up,'" Dean imitated, frowning. He could practically hear  Castiel  telling him not to frown because it would mess up the paint. "It better have been something huge. Apocalyptic huge."

"It might have been. I don't know."

"Might have been. Nice." Dean sighed angrily. "Just glad you're okay. Thanks for dropping in."

Sam smiled. "No problem. I'll be in Lawrence for a while, you know. There's- uh- something going on."

"National ghost convention?" Dean guessed, smirking. He felt  Castiel  huff a laugh against his arm, where he was still trying to blend the colors together. 

"No," Sam laughed. "More like suspicious deaths. You hear about them?"

"No," Dean said slowly. His eyes flickered down to  Castiel , who was frowning. "Have you heard about 'em,  Cas ?"

"Yes."  Castiel  sighed, dropping to sit on the floor so that he could start on Dean's legs. He spoke as he painted. "There are people being killed, all in the same way. There are- uh- more fires. The police claim it's a serial arsonist-"

"-but it's not." Sam interrupted. "It's not a serial arsonist. It's something that's out to kill, and it's not human."

Dean sighed. He really wished Sam would drop this. "Dude-"

"Dean, don't fight me on this. I don't want to erupt." 

"You're not a volcano."

Castiel  snorted. "Nice comeback."

"Shut up," Dean chuckled. He knew it was bad, but he wanted the last word.

"I know I'm not a volcano," Sam replied. "Look, Dean, I want to help people. I wasn't that good when I was human, and now I can help people. I just want to do good."

"Whatever," Dean sighed. "If you're worried about some serial arsonist, go have fun trying to stop him. I'll be around when you need to tell me you're going insane."

Sam's jaw clenched and he disappeared from sight. 

"Fucking child," Dean muttered, biting his cheek. "I would fucking kill him if he wasn't already dead." 

Castiel  smiled a little and pressed his lips to Dean's thigh, the only place he could reach that didn't have paint on it. "Just calm down. He has reason to be upset, Dean, but so do you. You both need to take a breath and try talking it through calmly."

Dean pursed his lips. "I'll talk it through calmly when he decides not to act like I have to hunt these things with him. I've got my own life,  Cas . I have you. I have work. I have friends. I'm not just going to drop that all and go hunt these things that don't even exist, that he's making up as a way to cope. I couldn't do that even if I wanted to."

 "I hope you don't want to."

"I don't want to," Dean replied immediately. He felt his leg tense when  Castiel  pressed the bristles of the brush against it. As  Castiel  painted, Dean thought. "I swear you said you weren't going to paint my legs."

"I changed my mind."


	14. 13: Changes

Dean's heart was racing. Where the fuck was  Castiel ? Why the fuck was he missing? After Sam's threat... 

"Fuck," Dean whispered, turning around. "Fuck!" His eyes scanned the buildings around him, the ones that people were pouring out of without any pause. 

He woke up with a start, in the middle of shouting  Castiel's  name. 

Castiel  looked at him in terror, one hand on his shoulder. "Dean?"

Dean stared at him for a second, heaving breaths, before throwing his arms out and pulling  Castiel  into a hug tight enough to break bones. Kisses were sprinkled from Dean's lips onto  Castiel's  bare neck and jaw and into his hair as Dean blessed whatever the hell the higher power was that allowed him to have his  Castiel  in bed next to him. Seconds later, Dean stopped and just held  Castiel's  face buried in his neck, the curve of his nose fitting the curve of  Castiel's  collarbone, his breath a hot puff of air that he could feel leave his mouth every time it did.  Castiel  whispered Dean's name again and he felt his lips tug up in a smile. 

"I'm fine," he whispered, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was going to happen soon. 

Soon meant soon, too. In the next few days. 

He swallowed the lump in his throat and pulled back from  Castiel's  shoulder, hands moving up to capture  Castiel's  cheeks. "I love you," he whispered. "I love you,  Cas , and I want you to be sure of that. I never want you to forget it." 

"I never will,"  Castiel  promised, blue eyes boring into Dean's. They were like green glass today. "I swear my life on it, Dean." 

All Dean could do was smile. His eyes closed for about half a second before he leaned in and kissed  Castiel . Their limbs tangled together and Dean pulled  Castiel  as close as possible, wanting to feel him and be sure he was real and not some hallucination his drunken mind was spouting out now. As they got lost with each other, doing not much else than kiss with open mouths and let their hands wander, Dean tried to roll over so that  Castiel  was over him, forgetting that he was on the edge of the bed. He grunted when they hit the ground, taking most of the force, and smiled against  Castiel's  lips. Man, they were talented. 

Half of the blanket had been dragged with them, and with Dean's bare ass and back against the cold hardwood floor, a heavy blanket wrapped around their feet, and mouths sliding together,  Castiel  slid his hand down further from his chest. The movement made Dean gasp softly, even though he'd been anticipating it. 

This was definitely not a hallucination.

***

"Hey, baby?" Dean asked a few seconds after  Castiel  put his head on Dean's lap. His fingers toyed with  Castiel's  hair. "Do you think we should take another step in our relationship?"

Blue eyes stared up at Dean, showing confusion. "What do you mean?" a sandpaper voice asked. It made Dean smile more. 

"I mean- uh-" He cleared his throat, a little embarrassed at bringing it up. "Moving in together?"

Those blue eyes crinkled at the corners with a smile that Dean knew wouldn't show on  Castiel's  lips. "Moving in together... I like the sound of that. I like that a lot."

"So, is that a yes?"

"That's a yes,"  Castiel  nodded. "Hell yes."

"My place is too small and you have everything you use here," Dean mumbled, thinking aloud more than speaking to  Castiel . "Would I move in here?"

Castiel  was still looking up at him, his finger barely brushing against Dean's jaw as he did. "Yeah, I like that idea too. I have enough space, and I do have everything here. We can make room for your things and, if you're not too against the idea, sell the things you don't want. Like the bed, the couch, et cetera, could go, and you could keep whatever else you want?"

"That sounds perfect," Dean sighed. "Perfect."

***

Weeks later, Dean was moved into  Castiel's  and had sold his bed, couch, dressers, coffee table, and apartment. He'd packed up all of his books, CDs, DVDs, clothes,  bedsheets , and more and moved them to  Castiel's  one weekend. They had stayed up all night, finding places for the things Dean had brought over. It was then that they realized they had two copies of the Star Wars series, two sets of the Harry Potter books and the Lord of The Rings books, not to mention the ten other doubles they had. It had made them laugh. 

Once they'd finished unpacking, Dean had dropped onto  Castiel's  lap and kissed him, grinning. "It's our house now, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is."  Castiel  smiled, kissing Dean again. The two men kissed until they had to break apart, until Dean had to yawn.  Castiel's  yawn followed not long after that. More laughing followed that. "Maybe we should sleep," he whispered. 

"Who needs sleep?" Dean said sarcastically. "I definitely-" Yawn. "-don't."

"I think you do,"  Castiel  mumbled, kissing his shoulder. "I think I do too. Let's go to bed."

"Our bed?" Dean asked, his own face against  Castiel's  neck. His eyes were closed and he could feel himself drifting.

"Our bed,"  Castiel  confirmed, kissing Dean's neck as Dean fell asleep on  Castiel , who was sitting on the floor.

Three hours later, they both woke up on the cold floor and stumbled to their feet to go in to bed. Their bed.

***

Valentine's Day was like any other day. 

February 14th, Dean and  Castiel  woke up, got lost with each other in the shower, sipped coffee, got dressed, and ran out the door to their separate cars. They kissed on the porch before sliding across the snow and into their cars, where they drove to school and started their day. 

They went out for a cheap lunch, laughing and sitting at  Castiel's  desk as they ate, feeding each other and stealing sips of each other's drinks. 

Castiel  then came to Dean's fifth class period, jokingly interrupting Dean's lesson every few seconds with cheesy pick-up lines from his phone, making everyone laugh. Dean finally got tired of it in the middle of class and took  Castiel's  phone, locking it in his desk and putting the key in his back pocket.  Cas  had pouted and the class had protested, but Dean just shook his head and continued the lesson, feeling  Castiel's  hand reach out every time he walked by the desk to try and snatch the key. It made him smile and feel a little bad, so he'd pressed the key into  Castiel's  hand and let him say the lines for the rest of the class period. 

After school, they both went home and spent the night grading papers and artwork back and forth and watching movies, taking breaks to cook together and eat and to maybe or maybe not make out. Not long after the clock hit 11 p.m., they went to bed and slept curled into each other until the alarm clock went off in the morning on the 15th. 

***

A few days after Valentine's Day,  Castiel  started acting weird. He woke up like it on the 18th, waking up before Dean and showering before Dean. They always showered together. Then he left without kissing Dean, but wasn't at school when Dean showed up. Ellen had told Dean that  Castiel  was taking a sick day when he asked, which made Dean frown and made him uneasy. 

He was in an off mood all day, feeling like something bad was going to happen soon. He felt like he was going to get home and  Castiel  wasn't going to be there, but when he did get home, he found  Castiel  sitting on the couch watching some documentary. He dropped his bag at the door and shed his coat, hanging it up and making his way over to  Castiel . He dropped down next to him and took his hand, pressing the back of his own hand to  Castiel's  forehead.

No different than normal. 

"You didn't come to work," Dean mumbled, registering  Castiel's  little smile. It seemed wrong. "I missed you." 

"I missed you too,"  Castiel  whispered. "I did go to work, but when I got there I started to feel sick and had to come back home. When I got back, you were gone." 

"Oh..." Dean sighed. "Sorry, baby. Why'd you wake up so early?" 

Cas  shrugged, awkwardly playing with Dean's fingers, like he'd never done it before. "I woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep."

Dean just hummed softly and smiled, lifting his hand and pushing his fingers through  Castiel's  dark mess of hair. "We should do something this weekend. Go somewhere." 

Castiel  bit his lip, teasing Dean, even if Dean was still worried out of his mind. "That sounds good," he smiled after a second. "Let's go somewhere." Then he winced slightly. 

"What's wrong, baby doll?" Dean whispered, his thumb brushing the back of  Castiel's  ear.  Cas  shivered. 

"Just a headache,"  Cas  replied, and Dean could tell that he was lying. 

Castiel  obviously didn't want Dean to know, though, so he let it go. "You want some medicine?" he asked, and when  Castiel  nodded, he got up and went into the bathroom to get him two pills, then into the kitchen to get him a glass of water. "Here," he mumbled leaning down over  Castiel  from behind to give him the water and medicine.

Cas  took them from him with a smile and took the pills one at a time. 

He never took the pills one at a time. Dean swallowed his confusion and stood up again, going into the kitchen to try and calm himself down.

Was  Cas  just grieving again? It sure as hell didn't seem like it. He was acting extremely weird, not just sad weird. He wasn't acting like himself and it was scary for Dean. 

Dean closed his eyes and leaned against the counter, letting out a long, deep breath to fight the empty feeling of terror in his stomach and chest. His  Cas  was still his  Cas , even if he wasn't acting like it. They'd been through a lot in the past four months.

Four months... Wow. It hadn't seemed like such a short time. Their relationship had grown so much in that short amount of time, and now it was falling. Wasn't it? 

***

Castiel  was still acting weird on Friday. They'd gotten through the whole week together with  Castiel  driving Dean insane with his weird, uncharacteristic actions. They had also agreed on Monday to go somewhere for the weekend, so they did. 

On Friday night, they dropped their school things off at home and switched them out for a suitcase they put in the back of the Impala, then left, zooming down the highway to Kansas City for the rest of the weekend. It was nearby and it was somewhere different. 

They got a cheap motel room just for kicks, both knowing it would make them both complain but enjoy it. Then they went out for dinner, then went back to the motel room and watched television and sat on the bed for the rest of the night, until they fell asleep on each other,  Castiel  falling asleep just before Dean. 

In the morning, Dean woke up to find  Castiel  gone. He sighed, used to it, and rolled out of bed to take a shower. It was all he could do, really.  Cas  had taken the keys.

When he got out of the shower, he got dressed and sat down to watch TV until  Castiel  returned in the middle of the afternoon, looking worn out. When  Cas  saw Dean, he smiled that fake smile and sat down next to him, kissing his cheek. 

"Hey, baby,"  Castiel  mumbled. Dean turned and tried to catch his lips, but  Castiel  avoided it, as he'd been doing for the past six days. 

"Hey." Dean smiled. "Glad to see you're alive. I thought you'd crashed or something."

"Nah, not today,"  Castiel  murmured, leaning back against the wall. "So get this- I was thinking about something while I was out. Why don't we go out to a bar tonight? Have a little fun?"

"Sounds fun," Dean replied. "Got any ideas of where to go?"

"Yeah, I saw a few places downtown."

***

That night,  Cas  and dean found themselves hitting the bars in downtown Kansas City, and it was the first time in a week that Dean was happy and  Castiel  seemed most like himself. They'd ordered drinks and were sitting at a table in Harry's Country Club, holding hands over the table and people watching. They made up fake conversations for people, watching guys walk up to girls and completely fail, laughing the entire time. 

After a bit, Dean offered to get more drinks and walked up to the bar, raising two fingers for two glasses of beer. He carried them back to their table and slid one in front of  Castiel , taking a sip from his as he sat down. "So, what's on the agenda for the week?" 

"Art, art, and more art,"  Castiel  replied, smiling. "Sounds fun, doesn't it?"

Dean laughed. "Definitely."

"I need to go to the bathroom,"  Cas  told Dean after a few seconds, squeezing his hand. He leaned across the table and kissed his nose. "I'll be right back."

Dean smiled and, for the first time in a week, stole a kiss from  Castiel's  lips. "Don't get lost."

Castiel  smiled and kissed Dean one more time before getting up and walking away.

Dean looked away for about half a second, and when he looked back, Sam was sitting across from him. Pursing his lips, Dean glared at his brother. "What do you want?"

"I just wanted to tell you something. Cas isn't acting right lately, is he?" Sam leaned forward, arms on the table. "He's speaking weird, not smiling right- that thing there was your first kiss in a week. Dude, something's going on with him."

"Yeah, I know. Now go away. He's going to be back any second and he's actually acting normal." Dean hissed, glaring at his brother. 

"It's something supernatural, Dean. You can't ignore this."

"Yeah, I fucking can. Watch me. Now go away and leave me the fuck alone." Dean loked away and took a long drink of his beer.

All Sam said before disappearing was "Don't forget that it'll come back to bite you in the ass." 

Dean sighed and set his drink down angrily once Sam was gone, kicking the table leg. 

Child. Sam was a fucking child and needed to get over this stupid idea that he had of supernatural beings existing. Dean got ghosts- everyone believed in ghosts. But demons? Vampires? That was complete bullshit and needed to stop. He needed to get over this shit and realize that it was as stupid as hell. 

Dean sat there, people watching and internally fuming, for twenty minutes. Castiel didn't show up again.

When he checked his phone, there were no messages. His heart was pounding. "No," he whispered, typing out a quick text.

_ Cas, where the hell are you? _

Another five minutes later and Dean still had no response. He slid out of the booth and fought back the tears and dread in the pit of his stomach. His heart felt like it had a bite missing from it. As soon as he stepped outside, he was swept into a crowd. 

Dean's heart was racing. Where the fuck was Castiel? Why the fuck was he missing? After Sam's little threat... 

"Fuck," Dean whispered, turning around. "Fuck!" His eyes scanned the buildings around him, the ones that people were pouring out of without any pause. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. I'm bad. I'll get worse before I get better. It's a short chapter, too, so I apologize for that... Not to mention the cliffhanger. Sorry for that too.


	15. 14: Relief

Castiel  was AWOL.

On Monday morning, Dean had to go into work and explain to Principal  Harvelle  that  Castiel  had gone missing over the weekend. Of course, he'd had to explain how he'd gone missing, and that meant giving away their relationship to Ellen. Luckily, she understood and smiled and said she hoped he was found soon. 

Then the rest of the teachers heard about it and started avoiding Dean a little, with the exception of a few of the younger ones, who told Dean the same thing that Ellen had told him. "I'm sure he's okay and just wanted a break."

Every time Dean was told that, he smiled a little, but didn't believe it. 

The worst of all of it was when his fifth period class asked where Mr. Milton was. It was discussion day, as usual, and that ended up being the topic for their class. Andy and Meg had asked him first, then the rest of the class had admitted to wondering as well. Dean had scoffed a little and forced a smile on his face, looking down at the floor. "He's missing." 

"Yeah, we know that," Andy sighed. Dean could hear the eye roll. "What we mean is where is he?"

"He's missing. I really don't know where he is, guys. We went out and he didn't come back to the table. That's it. I've looked and looked, hoping he somehow made his way home, but he didn't."

Everyone went silent. There was barely even the sound of breathing. 

"I'm sorry," Ruby said, breaking the silence. 

That had been the highlight of the day. After school, Dean had returned to an empty house. Nothing was a home if  Castiel  wasn't there to share it with him. 

He sat down on the couch and looked at the shelf of DVDs and CDs beside the television, feeling his lip quiver. Fuck. He was in deeper than ever and it had only been a few months. 

He looked around the living room and felt a sob break through. A hot tear trailed down his cheek. 

" Cas , come home to me in one piece." His eyes closed and he sighed. When he opened them again, he wiped his cheek and exhaled slowly. 

"Just fucking come home to me."

***

Tuesday was worse. Dean couldn't even get up. He'd slept on the couch because it felt wrong to be in the bed without  Castiel . It felt like a part of him had died when he realized  Castiel  hadn't suddenly appeared in the middle of the night. 

Dean called Ellen and, in a monotonous voice, told her he needed the day off. She agreed to it without pause, telling him how she was surprised that he hadn't taken the day off yesterday. He just scoffed and told her that he needed the break from panicking yesterday. She'd smiled- he could hear it in her voice- and told him she'd find someone to take care of his class and if she couldn't then she would do it personally. Dean had thanked her and hung up, closing his eyes again and imagining  Castiel  laying on top of him, smiling against his neck, telling him how horrible he was for lying to Ellen despite secretly loving that Dean wanted to spend the day with him and only him.

That was really all Dean wanted now. He wanted his  Castiel  and he wanted to shower him with attention for a whole day, not bothering to speak to anyone else or even look at anyone else. He would give him the world- the moon- and never let him release it. He'd do everything he asked, no matter what it was. 

***

On Wednesday, Dean forced himself to get up and go to work. He hadn't eaten in three days because every time he was in the general vicinity, he felt bile rise up in his throat and had to turn away. He'd barely been able to drink anything recently, either, but forced coffee down when he needed it. 

He missed  Castiel  more than before. When he stepped outside and saw his car he stopped, in the middle of the porch, staring at it. 

It was like Dean was in mourning. He didn't even know if  Castiel  was alive.

***

Thursday was the day Dean texted  Castiel  at lunch. 

He couldn't stop rereading the text for the rest of the day. 

_ I'm sorry if I did something. I miss you,  Cas _ _. Please come home. It's lonely without you. I'll never treat you bad again. Just come home. Please. I love you._  

***

Friday was like Wednesday, only with the hole in Dean's chest tripled in size. 

***

Saturday was March 2nd and the day that Dean received a text from  Castiel .

_ Let me go. _

Dean replied with a simple " _ No. _ " 

***

On Sunday, Dean woke up to his phone ringing. He ignored it the first time, but when it started ringing a few seconds later, he sat up and answered it. 

"Dean," a voice said on the other line. The voice woke Dean up immediately. "Oh, thank God."

" Cas ?" Dean swallowed thickly, biting his tongue. 

Castiel's  voice was filled with relief. "Yeah, it's me, baby. I-" He coughed. Dean heard a rush of wind that sounded suspiciously like a car. He sniffed. "I'm not sure where I am or how I got here."

"What's around you, baby?" Dean asked, off of the couch and tying his shoes. His heart was beating a mile an hour again. " Cas , baby, answer me."

"Trees. Wait,  th -there's a sign... Shit, I can't fucking see it without my glasses."  Castiel  sounded like he was crying. "Dean, I-I'm scared. I don't know where I am and I don't know how I got here. I don't remember anything. I don't even know what today's date is, let alone the last time I saw you. I came to in some hotel room and it was already paid for. I just- I want to see you. I miss you, Dean. I want to be home."

"I miss you too,  Cas . I have this whole time." Dean tugged on his coat. "Can you get any closer to that sign? I'm going to come pick you up, baby doll. I need to know where you are." 

"I'll try,"  Castiel  replied, and Dean took a second, hand on the doorknob, to appreciate the sound of  Castiel  breathing. "Dean, what day is it?"

"March third," Dean whispered in reply. "You've been missing for a little over a week, baby."

"The last thing I remember is February... Seventeenth?"  Castiel  seemed confused. "I've lost more than two weeks, Dean. How could this happen? How could I just lose so much of my memory? It doesn't make sense..." 

"You- you don't remember anything from that time?" Dean frowned, stepping out onto the porch and shivering. 

"Nothing,"  Castiel  answered. Dean felt that dread come back. "I can read the sign now, Dean. It's a sign for Topeka." 

"Topeka? Why are you in Topeka? That's like thirty minutes away..." Dean sighed and shook his head. "Look, baby, find a way into the city and go to the first shop you come across. Call me from a phone there, then I'll find you that way. Is that okay? Does that sound good?" 

"Yeah,"  Castiel  sniffed again. His voice shook. "I love you, Dean. I'll call you soon. I promise."

"I love you too,  Cas . I'll see you in a bit." 

Castiel  took a moment to hang up, obviously feeling the same way Dean did. They didn't want to hang up for fear of losing each other again. "Go ahead, baby," Dean whispered, taking a deep breath. It shook a little. "I'll be there in a while. Don't waste your phone's battery."

"It's charged fully, Dean,"  Castiel  mumbled as another car passed him. "I don't want to hang up. I don't think I can."

Dean pulled out of the driveway in his Impala, heading toward the edge of town. "You want me to stay on the phone with you for as long as possible?"

"Yeah, I do,"  Castiel  replied confidently. "Please."

"I will." For the first time in a week, Dean smiled for real. "I've missed you."

Castiel's  voice hinted at a smile when he spoke. "I would say I've missed you, but I'm not sure if I did or not. I probably did, though... Hopefully."

"Hopefully," Dean repeated. "So, you've been gone for a week and you're missing two weeks of your life."

"Yeah..."  Castiel  sighed, letting a crackling noise come over the line. Somehow, Dean was thankful to hear that noise. "I have a question."

"Shoot." Dean grinned, loving the sound of  Castiel's  voice. Fuck, it was good to have him back. 

"Was there any drama? Who subbed for me?"

Dean laughed. Good old  Castiel , asking the important questions. "The only drama was your disappearance. A lot of different people subbed for you, baby doll. I don't remember their names, and yes, I did go in and check to be sure they were following your normal instructions. All of the teachers are going to be so glad that you're back."

Castiel  coughed a laugh. "I doubt they'll be as ecstatic as you're playing out, Dean."

"No, they actually seemed to miss you." Dean grinned, turning a corner. "Though, that may have something to do with my sulking..." 

Castiel  laughed again, a happy noise that made Dean's chest swell. "Of course," he laughed. "I'm glad I'll be coming home."

"I can't wait for you to come home either. You're not leaving my sight until tomorrow." 

"I like that idea,"  Castiel  sighed. Dean smiled.

Idle chatting filled the next multiple minutes, followed by a comfortable silence. Dean didn't notice that  Castiel  had hung up until the phone beeped.

After the beep, Dean cursed and redialed the number, but it went straight to voicemail. He tried again, and it was answered and then there was a click that signaled another hang up. Dean cursed again and hit the gas, throwing his phone against the seat as anger and fear took over the love that had taken up residence in his chest again. 

***

Once Dean was in Topeka, he drove through to the other side, searching for a familiar form and mop of hair. He sat in the car in silence, staring out the windows and cursing whenever he saw someone that was similar to  Castiel . 

Then he came out the other end of the city and cursed again before seeing a form standing near the sign, staring at the ground. Dark hair, white dress shirt, jeans, tennis shoes...

Dean pulled the car to the side of the highway and tumbled out, yelling the name of the form. " Cas !" 

He looked up, but those blue eyes were void, in a way. It made Dean stop in his tracks. "Hello, Dean."  Castiel  smiled and stepped forward. "God, it's good to see you."

"You're not  Cas ," Dean whispered. "Leave him alone. Give me back my  Cas ."

"You're right, I'm not  Cas , but I am someone you know and love." He smiled, but it was wrong. It was worse than before. "I've been around you for a week, man. Come on. Think about it." 

Dean frowned and stared at  Castiel , studying the man's posture, silently realizing it was familiar. Where had he seen it before, though? An image of his old apartment flashed in his mind's eye. Then another image- a face.

"Sam?" 

Dean's voice was broken and shocked. How could... How could his own brother be doing this? Little, childlike, smart, kind Sammy, who once helped an old freaking woman cross the street. Sammy, the kid who was the definition of boy scout, was possessing  Castiel ...

"Bingo."  Castiel -Sam smiled, raising his arms. "It's little old me. Your childish brother. Shocker, huh?"

Dean just stammered.

"I know, I know. How could 'little old Sammy' be doing this? I'm trying to prove a fucking point to you, Dean-o."  Castiel -Sam hissed, "and you won't fucking believe me."

Dean help his lips turn and his jaw clench. "You're being an ass, Sam. Definitely living up to your nickname." 

"Yeah, well..." 

"Leave  Cas  alone. He's done nothing."

"Exactly. Nothing. Innocents get hurt by ghosts and by other monsters every day, Dean. I just want you to realize and I want you to help!"

"No!" Dean shouted. "Jesus, Sam! I have a life! I get that you don't have that anymore and that it's hard for you, but you're delusional!"

"You want me to prove to you that it's real?"  Castiel -Sam shouted back. It was all wrong. Dean's head was pounding. "You want me to fucking prove it?"

"No!"

"I've been wearing  Castiel  here for a week and he's seen it all! I've taken him hunting, Dean. He's seen the whole nine-yards- vampires, demons,  shapeshifters \- all in one fucking week and all in Kansas. I finally dropped him off one town over in hopes that he would just sleep until I came back from doing recon, but instead he called you and you drove over here. I was going to bring him back to you at some point."

"After fucking risking his life a million times?" Dean shouted. God, he wanted to land a punch on Sam's face right now, but he knew that if he did it was going to hurt  Castiel  too. He settled for bunching his hands into fists at his sides. "You're a fucking idiot, Sam!"

"Like I didn’t know that already! I know everything you've said about me to  Cas , Dean. You want to fucking kill me?" A laugh forced itself out of  Castiel -Sam's throat. "Go ahead. Try it."

Dean set his jaw and closed his eyes. When he opened them again,  Castiel  was staring back at him with terrified eyes. 

"Do it, Dean,"  Castiel  whispered, moving forward. Instinctively, Dean's arms shot out to catch his body. "Just kill him. Do something. I'm  sc -" His eyes went void for a second before anger filled them again. "What the fuck? How did he-"

"Dean, just kill him. I might die, but it's worth a try. Just do it!"


	16. 15: Trouble

Conflicting emotions were piling up inside Dean's mind, even as punches were hitting him.

Castiel -Sam had broken through again and was trashing about, hitting Dean to keep him down. He ended up with a fistful of Dean's shirt, holding him up in a sitting position near the car, fist raised, when the fist fell again and something hot and wet hit Dean's forehead. He gasped in a breath and looked up with his one good eye, finding  Castiel  standing over him and crying. 

"Dean, you have to get up. I don't have much lo-" His eyes changed again and Dean army crawled away, trying to stand up in the process. 

Dean wanted to get rid of Sam, but he couldn't hurt  Castiel . He couldn't do that. 

"Look- Sam- kill me if you want to. I don't mind. I'm a shitty person. I know that, and I know you'd love to have me around. Fuck, I'd love it too. I'd actually prefer myself dead at this moment," Dean rasped, hands raised as he kneeled in front of his brother in his lover's body. He swallowed thickly and his spit tasted like blood. "So get it over with. If you're going to  gank  me,  gank  me."

Castiel -Sam smirked and stared down at Dean, eyes mean and cold. "You want me to kill you so you can stop hurting over this." 

"No," Dean choked out. "I want you to kill me so that you don't have to make  Castiel  suffer anymore. I would be reduced to dust and tears if he was hurt, Sammy, and you know what he's feeling right now, seeing me like this. You're torturing that innocent guy. You need to leave him alone." 

"You'd do anything if it meant he wouldn't hurt, wouldn't you?"  Castiel -Sam asked, tilting his head. That was too familiar of a gesture for this son of a bitch to be doing. "I know how that feels. I was that way with Jess." 

"I used to be that way with Lisa, Sam. You know that. Now that I've got  Cas , I feel that tenfold. I don't want him hurting. Please, just leave him alone and take me instead." 

"I thought you wanted to kill me."  Castiel's  feature contorted and Dean felt sick. 

"I did, Sammy, I did. Now I want to kill myself." He coughed. Fuck, it was cold out here. "You're the best way I can do that. Just do it. Possess me. Leave  Castiel  alone!" 

Castiel -Sam stared down at him for a few seconds, like he was making the biggest decision of his life. Dean wanted him to just decide. It wasn't a hard choice- yes or no. Yes, I will leave this innocent, loving, beautiful soul alone and take your wretched, drunken, soiled one instead. Or no, I will keep torturing this beautiful golden soul and I will not let you have your wish granted.

It was simple. 

"No."  Castiel -Sam licked his lips and looked up at the sky. "I won't take you instead. I like  Castiel  as a vessel. I've figured out a better way to punish you, anyway." 

Confusion flooded Dean's senses. 

Castiel -Sam produced a knife from his belt. It was one that Dean had never seen before... He cursed under his breath. 

"I can punish you more than anything by hurting your little 'baby doll.'" 

"No," Dean hissed. His chest filled with an angry feeling. "Don't you dare!"

Castiel -Sam waved the blade like it was a wand. Smirk on his face, he slowly lowered it to  Castiel's  outstretched arm, slicing through the clothing and down to the skin. The only way that Dean knew the blade had hit the skin was the wince that  Castiel  showed. Dean's eyes widened and he stopped breathing. " Castiel's  skin is sensitive, huh?"  Castiel -Sam grinned, looking up. The blade wasn't hurting him any. 

"Fucking leave him alone!" Dean shouted, trying to get to his feet again. The ground was muddy, though, so he slipped a little and couldn't find footing. His eyes were glued to  Castiel's  form.

Dean froze when  Castiel -Sam plunged the knife into  Castiel's  leg. The pain was obviously too much for  Castiel  and he cried out, falling to one knee and weeping for Sam to stop it. Dean wanted to run forward, but he couldn't. 

He couldn't move. 

Sam somehow got control again and pulled the knife out, lifting it and trailing it down  Castiel's  neck, leaving a line that was marked with droplets of blood. It made Dean feel sick. Every breath that  Castiel -Sam took produced more blood, too, so within seconds his shallow breathing had caused blood to rush in a trail down his neck, staining his shirt. The red, shining streak on  Castiel's  chest made Dean gag. 

" Sto \- stop it," he choked out, struggling to breathe.

Castiel -Sam limped over to him, and Dean was able to smell the blood trailing down his leg and his neck. When the man reached out, Dean was able to see the deep vertical slice in  Castiel's  arm. A hand gripped Dean's chin and tilted his head up. Blue eyes met green, and they were angry and pained. Dean gasped cold air in through his mouth, tears forming. His eyes flickered to the wound on  Castiel's  neck before the knife raised again, moving toward Dean.

The blade neared his face and he tried to shy away, but the grip on his chin was too strong. Dean quaked with fear. Fuck- Sam was scaring him. Sam was being horrible, hurting an innocent, and now he was probably going to kill Dean.  Please, please kill me , Dean begged in his mind.  Kill me and leave  Castiel  alone.

Instead, the knife pressed against Dean's lip and sliced it a little. Dean winced at the short sting. Then the knife touched his tongue, leaving a trail of metallic tasting blood. 

Castiel -Sam let go of his chin and pushed him to the side, making him fall to the ground. Dean fell on his side, gagging.  Castiel's  blood was on his tongue. That blood that pumped through that body that Dean worshipped almost every night, the blood that had been coursing through the body that Dean left his marks of claim on, was on his tongue, soaking into his mouth. 

The taste would never leave him alone. It would haunt him forever. 

The side of his face was covered in mud. He grunted as he sat up, catching  Castiel -Sam's eye. As soon as he did, the knife drove into  Castiel's  shoulder.

Another scream of pain came from  Castiel , who broke through yet again. 

That was the end of the fucking line. 

Dean screamed. "Let him go! Sam, let him go!" He sucked in breaths through clenched teeth.

When he swallowed, his anger was fueled by the metallic blood rushing down his throat. A roar peeled out of him. 

"I want you gone!"

Nothing happened. 

Castiel -Sam just snickered and shook his head. "You're a fucking idiot, Dean," the man whispered, coming closer to Dean again. "You think that'll work? That's the lamest attempt you've ever made, Dean."

Dean scampered away a little. "Leave us alone, Sam. We- We were happy. Why are you doing this?"

"You wouldn't listen to me, Dean. You kept blowing me off, paying more attention to  Castiel  than you did to anything else. You needed to wake up."  Castiel -Sam turned the knife in his hand, holding it so that the tip was close to  Castiel's  torso. "You need to learn to save people, Dean."

"I know how to fucking save people," Dean cried, his fingers digging into the mud. "You're just being a selfish fuck, Sam! You're mad that I was paying more attention to  Castiel  than I was to you. News flash, Sammy- he's alive. You're not! You're killing a man!"

"I know I am,"  Castiel -Sam breathed. 

Then he plunged the knife into  Castiel's  stomach. 

Dean screamed, and the rest became a blur. He didn't even remember what he screamed- he just knew he screamed something, because the next thing he knew, there was a bright light. It was a light so bright that Dean had to cover his eyes from it for fear of being blinded. 

He swore something spoke to him, but he couldn't remember what the voice sounded like. Male or female, it told him to stay safe and help his love. Then it disappeared. 

Castiel  was a bloody heap on the ground when Dean finally came out of shock and made his way to the body. "Fuck," he whispered, shaking as he tried to seek out a pulse. "Fuck!  Cas , fuck, if you can hear me hang in there. Hang in there, baby." He tried his best to scoop the body off of the ground and cradle it close as he stood, fumbling a bit before finally getting to his feet and carrying  Castiel  to his car. 

Someone stopped on the side of the road to help Dean by opening the back door. They asked what had happened, and all Dean told them was that  Castiel  had been hit by a car and he had to get him to the hospital.

The look in the woman's eyes told him that she didn't believe him at all. 

***

Once they were in the hospital, Dean started to panic again. He was covered in dried mud, blood, and bruises, carrying his dying boyfriend, and unable to breathe. As soon as he walked in, the nurse looked up and inhaled deeply. She immediately called for the others and they soon took  Castiel  from Dean on a gurney.

When Dean tried to follow them, they held him back. He thrashed against the woman and tried to get to his baby- he needed his baby- his baby had been gone for a week- he was hurt- he'd want to see him- but didn't win. He fought until the pain got to him and shock settled in again, forcing him to go limp and be dragged to the men's bathroom by a nurse. She didn't know what room the other man would be in yet, she explained to him, so she was going to get a towel and antiseptic and try to fix up Dean because he really looked like he needed it. Free of charge.

Once she was gone, Dean slumped against the wall, staring at the green tiled walls in silence, the lights buzzing in accompaniment to Dean's internal buzz of shocked silence. He couldn't even think. 

Half of his face was numb. The other half felt heavy. His mouth still tasted like blood. His arms felt like lead. His legs felt the same way, yet his chest was weightless. Half of him was floating in nothing as he stared straight ahead, unblinking. His eyelids were being held open by balloons that never ran out of air and were tied to strings pulled taut. 

"I know I am," he whispered to himself, his eyes flicking to the floor. "You needed to wake up."

His brother was gone.

Dean hoped his brother was gone.

Castiel  was okay.

Dean hoped  Castiel  was okay.

The nurse returned with a white towel. The towel was so nice, so white, that Dean didn't want her to clean him up with it. It would be stained with the brown of mud and the red of blood. That towel was too pretty for that. 

She wet the towel and lifted it. Dean tried to push it away, but she shook her head and grabbed his wrist gently, lowering his arm and whispering something about everything being okay, that they were both safe now and that everyone was okay. 

Somehow, he couldn't believe her. Her words were fake. She was saying it to calm him down.

"I need to see him," he whispered, eyes still wide as they lifted to meet hers. She had nice blue ones... Like  Castiel . He repeated his words, then corrected himself. "I have to see him. I have to know he's alive."

"I'm sure your brother's all right, honey," she whispered, wiping the towel against his cheek.

"He's not my brother. I hate my brother. My brother is gone." Dean's sentences were pieces that had been sliced by that knife they'd left on the side of the road. " Cas  is my boyfriend. I love him. I need to see him. I have to know he's alive. I have to."

He blinked for the first time in what felt like an hour and felt something hot roll down his cheek, stinging the cuts on it. When had he gotten those cuts? Had  Castiel -Sam's fist not only left bruises but broken skin? 

The nurse smiled a little at him. He stared back, emotionless other than the tears spilling out of his eyes. "I'll have you in to see him as soon as you can," she replied. Her hand was resting on his cheek. "Let me finish cleaning you up..."

"Dean."

"Let me finish cleaning you up, Dean, and then we'll see how long it'll be until you can go see your boyfriend. Does that sound okay?"

"No."

"Let's try this: Can you settle for that?"

"I guess."

"Good. Now shut your mouth and turn your cheek so I can wipe this mud off of your face."

***

Not even an hour later, Dean was standing outside of a room, the cuts on his face burning a little. His eyes were on the door, like he was expecting  Castiel  to walk out at any second. 

Despite knowing it wouldn't happen, he could still believe it could. 

Honestly, Dean was a little afraid to walk into that room. He didn't know what he would find. There were so many possibilities... 

He'd have to face up to it and go in there to find out what he was fearing. 

After a few deep breaths, he walked across the hall and tried the door. It opened easily. There wasn't even a squeak when he opened it. There wasn't any other noise in the room aside from the beep of the monitors and a soft breathing. 

Dean smiled slightly, then regretted it because of the stinging it produced. He made his way to the bedside and sat down in the chair- uncomfortable, as it was in every hospital. His eyes rested on  Castiel's  sleeping form and he sighed, pushing hair off of his forehead gently. The monitors were Dean's reassurance that  Castiel  was alive and breathing, his heart beating and his pulse thrumming through his body. He was so relieved.

A laugh spilled out of his mouth and he let his head drop so that his forehead was on the bed. Fuck, he'd been terrified. 

His phone rang. When it did, he frowned a little, unsure of when he'd put it in his pocket again, and answered it without looking at the number. "Hello?" 

"Good, yes, you answered." 

"Gabriel?"

"Yeah. Why didn't you call and tell me that my baby brother fucking turned up? I had to get a call from the hospital."

"Shit, man," Dean sighed. "I'm sorry. You'll be able to tell why shit slipped my mind when I explain everything to you."

"It better be a fucking good reason, Dean-o. I'm almost to Topeka now."

"Seriously?"

"I was already on the road when I got the summons. Just keep him breathing for me- I'd like to kill him myself for pulling this shit."

"It's not his fault."

"Whatever. I'll see you soon."

"Yeah. See you soon."

Gabriel hung up and Dean sighed. "Damn it. Family already? Damn you,  Cas , and your caring siblings."

***

Twenty minutes later, Gabriel burst into the room and pointed a finger at Dean. "Start explaining while I check this son of a bitch out."

Dean smiled slightly, starting his explanation of the day's events. Gabriel sat down after checking  Castiel's  chart and listened attentively.

When Dean finished speaking, he whistled. "I'm just going to pretend I believe you because there is no way you would hurt Cassie here, and there's no way he would do that to himself and live through it. Plus I don't really want to press charges against anyone. What are you telling the docs and the police?"

Dean just shrugged. "He was being stubborn and decided to walk on the highway. Someone hit him and drove away."

"Hit and run. Nice cover."

"Thanks."

Gabriel and Dean chatted for a few minutes before Gabriel's eyes widened and he cursed under his breath. 

"What? What's wrong?" Dean frowned.

"I sense the wrath of an angry big sister."

"Oh, shit," Dean breathed. "We forgot-"

"-to tell Anna. Fuck."

The door opened. "Fuck is damn right, you assholes." Anna came bobbing into the room, red hair a warning to Dean and Gabriel. They looked down at their feet when she started cursing them out for not telling her about  Castiel . They both apologized and watched as she took a seat next to Gabriel. 

"Explain. Now," said Anna, glaring at Dean. "Before I get pissed off again."

***

At the end of the day,  Castiel  woke up. Dean had been out on a coffee run for the three visitors, himself included, and when he got back to find out they hadn't told him  Castiel  was awake, he knew how they'd felt. He almost dropped the coffee when he walked in to see  Castiel  sitting up against multiple pillows. His initial shock was gone, but he definitely was shocked that  Castiel  was awake.

"Gave us quite the scare, Romeo," he mumbled after he got to  Castiel's  bedside.  Castiel  just smiled up at him. Dean then turned his stare to Gabriel and Anna, who were smirking. "You two should have texted me."

"Sweet, sweet revenge. It tastes like coffee," Anna mused as she took her coffee from Dean. Gabriel laughed. 

"Oh, screw you guys." Dean grinned and sat down, taking a sip of his coffee and wincing at the sweetness of it. He'd poured sugar into it in hopes of getting the bitter metal taste out of his mouth. Damn, that worked. His eyes moved to  Castiel , who was looking at his own hands like he hadn't seen them in months. " Cas ?"

Castiel  looked up and caught Dean's eye, smiling a little. He held out his hand for the cup of coffee and Dean laughed. "I saw you wince. Hand it over."  Castiel  wiggled his fingers. "Come on, Dean. I'm your boyfriend and I'm bedridden. I think I deserve some sugar water."

After rolling his eyes, Dean handed the cup over and leaned back in his seat. He could feel  Castiel's  eyes on him and make eye contact with Gabriel, then with Anna, who were smiling at him. Anna stood. "I think I'm going to go call my boy-toy for the week... Maybe you should call your family, Gabe." Her eyes fell to Gabriel, then to  Castiel , who was now looking at her with the plastic lid of the cup raised to his lips. "I'll be back up, Cassie."

"It's not Cassie."

"Whatever, Cassie." Anna grinned and  Castiel  laughed. She started to leave, but Gabriel stayed. With an exasperated sigh, she walked back and grabbed Gabriel's arm, pulling him out of the chair and out the door. He tried to protest the whole way. 

Dean grinned after them, then looked back at  Castiel . A few seconds later,  Castiel  glanced at him out of the corner of his eyes and Dean stuck his tongue out.  Cas  laughed, and Dean had never been more relieved to hear that sound. His hand lifted and gently brushed through  Castiel's  hair. "Fuck," he whispered, "I am so fucking glad you're alive."

Castiel  smiled, eyes closed, cup still against his lips. He was holding it with both hands, like it was the best thing in the whole world. "I'm glad I am too. However..."  Castiel  trailed off, smile falling a little. "I'm confused."

Dean's thumb gently brushed against his cheekbone as he frowned. "Confused?"

"Yeah."

"Why? What are you confused about?"

"I don't know why I'm here,"  Castiel  admitted. He took another sip of coffee and Dean's eyes moved to the thin, dark red line on his neck. "I don't understand. I've been acting like I know, but I really don't. I don't remember anything..."

"What do you remember?" Dean asked softly, swallowing thickly. "Tell me what the last thing you remember is."

Castiel  shrugged slightly. "I- uh..." His eyes closed again, and Dean allowed himself to look away then, trying to compose himself. This was bad. Memory loss was never a good thing. When  Castiel  spoke again, he looked back to the man in the bed. "I think it was Thanksgiving? We were walking out of the school and I asked you about Thanksgiving..."

Dean's eyes widened slightly. That was when he told  Castiel  about Sam... 

"Dean, what's the date?"

"It-" Dean choked on his words. "It's March 3rd,  Cas ..."

Castiel  looked down at the cup in his hands. Muscles in his jaw twitched. "That's... That's almost five months. I'm- I'm missing five months of memory."

"Seems like it," Dean whispered, his hand gently smoothing down  Castiel's  arm.  Castiel  let go of the cup with one hand and let Dean continue his hand's trek. When the hand reached the edge of the bandage on the top of his forearm, Dean skipped over it and laced his fingers with  Castiel's . He gave a soft, reassuring squeeze. "You're scared, aren't you?"

"A little,"  Castiel  admitted. He licked his lips. "I mean... Five months. That's a long time, Dean."

"Isn't it a little reassuring in a way, too? The fact that I'm here still, that I l- that I care about you..." Dean trailed off when he saw  Castiel's  lips twitch in a smile. 

"The fact that you get along with my family."

Dean grinned. "Yeah, that I get along with your family..." He watched  Castiel  smile. "There's the smile. You know, there is a lot you're missing, but if you want me to I can find a way to get it all back to you. You may not have the same feelings as you did before, but..." He trailed off, feeling  Castiel's  hand tighten on his. 

"Let's just make new memories. Is that okay?"  Castiel's  eyes locked on Dean's, and  all Dean could do was nod. 

After a few seconds, Dean leaned forward and kissed  Castiel  lightly, taking the coffee from his hands as he did. It felt good to be able to kiss him again, even if it was a little weird because  Castiel  didn't remember their last kiss at all. Even for Dean, it was a little disorienting. He could only imagine how  Castiel  felt. 

***

On Tuesday night, Dean pulled up to their house with  Castiel  in the passenger sea. Both of them were humming along with the CD in the player- Ella Fitzgerald. When the CD had started playing,  Castiel  had smiled and grabbed Dean's hand. Little did  Cas  know, it was the same disc they'd listened to on Christmas night. 

"Okay,  Cas , I've got one thing I may have neglected to tell you," Dean sighed, shutting the engine off and tugging the key out of the ignition. He turned and smiled at  Castiel  in the dark, barely able to make out those baby blues in the moonlight. 

"What?"  Castiel  frowned, head tilting a little. 

The gesture made Dean smile. "I- uh- kind of moved in. About a month ago."

Castiel  just stared at him for a second before smiling. "Good. I wouldn't have let you go home, anyway."

A laugh fell out of Dean's mouth and he leaned forward to kiss  Castiel's  forehead. "Come on. Let's go inside." 

***

Dean slept beside  Castiel  all night, woke up with him in the morning and helped him  rebandage  his arm and replace the bandage on his stomach, covering his stitches. Despite being a little disgusted by the redness of it, Dean pressed a kiss next to the bandage, right beside  Castiel's  belly button. He grinned and stood up from where he had been kneeling, letting  Castiel  drop his shirt again. His arms gently snaked around his waist and pulled him close. 

"I'll miss you today, baby," Dean whispered against  Castiel's  lips. "I'll come home at lunch time and check on you, though."

"I'm not a little kid."  Castiel  grinned and let his fingers bury themselves in Dean's hair. "I can take care of myself."

"I know you can. It's just more fun to take care of you instead of letting you do it."

Castiel  laughed and kissed Dean again gently. "Go to work,  scarface ."

Chuckling, Dean lifted his hands and curved them around  Castiel's  cheeks, pulling him into a deeper kiss. "I'll be back. Don't forget it."

"Too soon!"

"You know what I meant! Just... Go paint something for me." Dean grinned, stuffing his keys in his pocket. He winked as he left the bedroom,  Castiel  following after him. Once he was at the door, Dean remembered something. 

"Check your camera!" he shouted, hearing a muffled response. It made him grin again. Fuck, it was good to have  Castiel  home. "I love you," he whispered, then opened the door and hurried out to his car. He had some explaining to do with Principal  Harvelle  and some kids to teach.

For all of the trouble he'd gone through with  Cas , and all of the oncoming trouble, he was happy.

_It can only go up from here_ , he decided as he drove to work.

It'll get better. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit, it's over. I might cry. This was by far my favorite fic to write and I'm glad so many people are enjoying it. I may even do a sequel- I've already got an idea. I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter and enjoyed the whole thing!   
> Always remember: It'll get better. Even when it may not seem like it will, it will. :-)   
> Thank you! I hope you guys continue to read my fics.


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